Dark Was the Night
by TriggerHappyWorld
Summary: As Bobby and Alex move forward in their relationship, dark cases and circumstances threaten to tear it all apart. Part 6 in my series. This is an x-over with SVU.
1. Saturday, May 14, 2005

A/N: This is part 6 in my series of stories. This is a crossover with SVU. And I know I'm supposed to be waiting to post after I finish 'Dogs of War', but I got the first two chapters written and felt like we all needed something good right now. Well, as good as a crime story can be, I guess.

Pairing: B/A established relationship

Warnings: The usual bad language, bad decisions, and even worse consequences.

Rating: T (M for selected chapters)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with L&O, but I do own what I've created.

Summary: "Dark was the Night – Cold was the Ground", by Blind Willie Johnson

* * *

Part of this chapter is rated M, a soft M.

_Central Park_

_Manhattan_

It wasn't hot but it was humid as the sun broke through the cloud coverage. It had looked like it was going to rain since early this morning; so far it had only sprinkled a few times and with the clouds dispersing and the sun shining, he thought it was going to turn into a beautiful spring afternoon. He took a swig of the sports drink as he watched as Alex conversed with a few fellow detectives.

"Hey, Bobby, stop checking out Alex's ass!"

Bobby brought the bottle down from his lips and looked toward the bleachers. Elliot Stabler was sitting with Munch and they were both pointing at one another. Elliot had been recovering from a very serious neck injury for the past three months. He had to have multiple surgeries, physical therapy, and a whole lot of patience- which he didn't have-to fully regain the use and strength of his neck. The man was a fighter, and soon he would be back at SVU with the rest of them.

He smiled at Elliot as he walked up to the fence. "Stop telling me what to do. I'm going to need it now."

"Now? You sure?"

"Yes, now."

Elliot got up from the bleachers and walked over to the gate. He dug into his jeans pocket and pulled it out; reaching his hand to one of the holes in the fence, he held it out for him to take. As he took it, Elliot told him, "Don't screw this up." He smiled and teasingly said, "I'm proud of you."

Bobby shook his head at his friend as he put it into his jeans pocket.

"Nervous?" Elliot asked as he looked over toward the dugout and waved.

Bobby looked over and saw Alex watching them. "Only because her family's here," he answered as he smiled at her. She smiled back. He heard his name being called and waved at Elliot and Munch. "Wish me luck."

"Good luck."

"Break a leg," Munch called out and started laughing.

Bobby glanced at the cop and smirked. He went to the dugout and grabbed his catcher's glove and face mask then headed to the plate where an umpire called out that it was the bottom of the seventh inning. They only played seven innings, not the official nine since this was only for fun and department morale. Taking a look at the other team's dugout, he saw that Alex was second up to bat for the Major Case team. First up was Mike.

Logan picked up a bat and headed over to home plate and gave him a teasing glare. "Your team's going down, Bobby; we only need one run to win and your girlfriend's 3 for 3."

"Huh-huh," he said as he knelt behind the plate as Fin stood on the pitcher's mound. As Fin went to throw the first pitch, Bobby told Mike, "Shoe's untied."

Logan hesitated, nearly looking down, and it was enough hesitation that he couldn't swing in time.

Bobby started laughing as he caught the ball that was called a strike.

"Son-of-a-bitch," Logan said as he glared at him. "Don't do that."

Bobby tossed the ball up toward Fin; it was off its mark by a couple of feet. Fin got under the ball and caught it before taking his spot back on the mound.

He didn't bother Logan again as Fin threw two balls, both of which he didn't swing at. Then, Fin tossed one straight down the middle and Logan hammered it into center field. Bobby got to his feet and stepped in front of home plate in case Mike was able to round third. Benson was on second base and held Mike there as she caught the ball from Garcia who was playing center.

Benson threw it to Fin who pointed at Logan, telling him not to try stealing.

"Why not," Logan yelled out. "Everyone knows Goren can't throw straight to save his life."

Bobby pointed at Logan, telling him, "Try it and see what happens."

"I'll score," Logan said with a laugh as he took a couple of steps from second base.

Pulling his facemask back on, he knelt down behind the plate as Alex came to bat.

"Come on, Alex! Hit it outta the park!" Deakins called out to her. He was the Major Case Squad team's coach.

The Major Case detectives and some of the spectators, including Alex's mom and dad, her oldest siblings, Richard and Angie, and her nieces and nephew all started cheering Alex on.

"Go Aunt Alex!" the twins cheered from behind the fence.

She was wearing her hat backwards and had her shades on. Bobby thought she'd never looked sexier. "You're making me hot."

Alex shook her head, telling him, "You're not going to make me miss the ball, Bobby. Trash talk all you want, I'm winning this game." She tapped the baseball bat on the plate and then brought it up.

Bobby smiled as he watched as Fin wound up and tossed the ball toward the plate. "Marry me."

Alex didn't move as the ball hit his glove.

"Strike!" the umpire called out.

Alex looked down at him. "That's not even funny to joke about."

Bobby looked up at her as he grabbed the ball out of his glove and tossed it toward Fin. "I wasn't joking."

Alex continued to stare down at him. "You...What?"

"Marry me," he asked her again.

Alex held up her hand, calling out, "Time out!" She tossed the bat down and grabbed him up by his face mask. She didn't let go as she pushed him hard back against the fence. Glaring at him, she dropped her voice and said, "You're not joking?"

He shook his head and kept his voice low as he told her, "I would never joke about that."

She stared into his eyes with disbelief. "You said you'll never marry."

"I changed my mind. I'm not saying kids or anything, I just…I want you to be my wife. After everything that has happened…you've stood by me and..." Bobby grabbed her hand that was still clinging to his mask and pulled it away. He lifted the mask off his face and stared into her eyes as he dropped down to his knee. He heard the noise from the crowd stop; everything seemed to stop as he stared up into Alex's eyes that were slowly filling with tears. Pulling the ring Elliot had given him out of his pocket, he said simply, "I love you, Alex. Will you marry me?"

She gapped once, twice, and then gave up speaking as she nodded. Bobby took her left hand and slid the ring on, smiling that it fit perfectly. Then, Alex finally gasped out, "Yes."

Getting up, he brought her up with him in a hug as he kissed her. Then the silence was shattered as everyone around them started cheering once again. A wave of whooping and hollering, a chorus of congratulations filled his ears as he eased Alex back down to the ground. She was shaking and he realized once she stepped back that so was he. Holy shit, he thought, Alex was going to be his wife.

Alex kissed him again and then she suddenly pushed him hard in chest, saying, "How am I supposed to bat now. I'm shaking."

He started laughing as he told her, "You can always get someone to pinch-hit."

"No way," she told him with a huge smile as she picked up the bat. "I'm winning this."

"Then win it," he told her as he pulled the facemask back on.

Fin called out to him, saying, "I can't strike the bride out now, Bobby. Thanks a lot!"

Bobby got down and brought the glove up, signaling to Fin that he was ready.

Alex took a couple of balls and let a high strike go by. He knew she was waiting Fin out. The ball count was 3-2. She'd either get a walk and take a base, or hit it because Bobby knew she wasn't going to strike out.

Fin tossed the ball and it was right down the middle.

Alex hit it hard and solid over the shortstop's head and took off running for first base. Logan rounded third as Bobby got in front of the base. Garcia got to the ball quickly and threw it hard right to him. He caught it as Mike was charging right at him; before he could move out of the way, they collided and went down to the ground. He hit hard and felt the air leave his lungs as Mike landed on top of him before rolling off. Bobby stared up at the umpire who was over him and he felt around in his glove for the ball. It wasn't there.

"Safe!"

"Damn it," he breathed out as he rolled over and got to his feet; feeling his back pull and ache as he straightened.

The Major Case detectives were all cheering as he took off his facemask and tossed it over to the fence. Mike was limping over to him, smiling and laughing.

"You okay?" Logan asked.

"Just great, I'm getting married," Bobby said with a grin as he glanced up.

Logan pulled him into a quick hug, telling him, "Congrats, man. I'm happy for you, and Alex."

Bobby spotted Alex running over to him and he caught her as she literally jumped into his arms; the movement killed his back but he didn't mind it too much as she kissed him again, this time harder and with a purpose. Even though his team had lost the game, he couldn't have been happier.

* * *

_241 E. 114__th__ Street, Apartment 4C_

_East Harlem, Manhattan_

Their names were Rose and Stanley Mendez. She went by Rosie; he called her that all the time when they would meet. The first time he saw her, he knew she was the one. He knew she was his, and only his; she was his pet. Her husband was nothing. A nobody. Rosie didn't really love Stan. She loved him.

And now she was his forever.

Running his hand over her face, chest, her legs, he pulled out his camera and took her picture. It would join the others. Looking over at Stan, he got up and took out his gun.

"You see now," he said as he knelt down in front of the husband. "You see how she's mine."

Stanley was trembling in the chair; tears streaming down his face as he wailed behind the duct tape in anguish. He was slobbering something; a plea.

They all plead. Standing up, he brought the gun up and fired. Only a whisper of the kill shot was herd in the room. Picking up the ejected bullet casing, he put it in his pocket before putting the gun away.

* * *

_Ric's Restaurant_

_Manhattan_

There was an after game celebration at Ric's that was across the street from the park. Alex's parents wanted to join them but couldn't; with Emily's decline in health John had to get her back home. John shook his hand and congratulated him. Emily pulled him into a hug and all she could get out was how happy she was; that was all he needed to hear.

The place was packed with cops from both SVU and Major Case along with friends or family members who had been at the game. Since it was a family restaurant with a bar, everyone, including the kids, joined in on the celebration. Within an hour, the rest of the Eames clan arrived, aside from Alex's brother-in-law Terry who had to work. Bobby didn't find out until several weeks ago that Liz and Terry were currently separated.

At a table in the back, John Jr., Alex's younger brother, raised a bottle to him and Alex. "To my sister, Alex, and future bro-in-law, Bobby. Congratulations, and Bobby, if you hurt my sister I'll let Liz kick your ass."

Bobby raised his bottle of Erdinger Weissbier NA, a non-alcoholic beer, as he said, "I wouldn't expect anything less from you, Junior. You wouldn't be able to take me."

They all laughed and cheered to the toast as glasses and bottles clicked against each other. Bobby even received a Sippy cup toast from Nathan. Through the late afternoon hours, they all talked, laughed, drank, and had a great time. Angie kept going around taking pictures with her new digital camera. She caught him off guard a few times and took a couple photos of him and Alex together.

As he was talking with Elliot about the case he and Benson were working on, Alex nudged him in the side, getting his attention. Leaning down to her, Alex pointed across the room and whispered on his ear, "Liz wants to talk to you."

He looked over and sure enough, Liz was gesturing for him to come over. Excusing himself, he left Alex and Elliot together as he headed over to the table. There was an empty chair beside her where he sat and looked toward the table. Glancing over at her, he saw her eyeing him.

She leaned into him and said, "I never thought you'd do it."

Bobby smirked and nodded, saying, "You and me both...I love her, Liz. And for some reason, she loves me."

"I know," she said as she looked over at her sister who was talking to Fin. "She's been the happiest I've seen her in years since being with you. There've been problems, yeah, but all couples have problems. Nobody's perfect." Liz looked back at him and he saw the sadness in her eyes.

Feeling genuinely concerned, he asked, "How're you doing?"

Liz smiled slightly and shook her head. He could tell she was embarrassed; Alex acted the same way. "I'm good. All I really wanted to say was that, I never thought my sister would be so happy with another man to get married again. I'm glad it's you."

Bobby smiled at that as he gave a nod. Seeing the shed of tears in her eyes, he said, "C'mere" as he gestured for her to come closer.

"Bobby," she lightly protested as he reached his arm over and pulled her into a hug.

"No, no, we're almost family now," he said as he held her a moment.

Liz chuckled a little but she held him back. "You're not such a bad guy. I guess I won't have to kick your ass."

He laughed as they moved away. "I appreciate it." He grabbed his bottle and took a sip.

Liz smiled at him and said, "I like you a lot more since you stopped drinking."

Bobby swallowed the non-alcoholic beer then told her, "I like myself a lot more too." She brought her bottle up and they clicked bottles as Benson walked over and shoved him a little.

She had been shocked that he had proposed but she was more pissed off that he never talked it over with her first. "We've been partnered together for two months and you didn't tell me," she yelled him.

"I didn't tell anyone," he argued back.

"You told Elliot!"

Bobby smiled slightly as he told her, "Only this morning when I gave him the ring to hold onto so I wouldn't lose it." He took another swig and smiled at the roll of her eyes.

Since he returned to Special Victim's, Captain Cragen had put him with Benson because Elliot was on medical leave. When Elliot returned in a few weeks, he would be partnered with a newbie that was transferring from patrol. It would make him the superior officer, something he hadn't been since his days in the Army. He was pretty excited about it.

But, until then, he was still Olivia Benson's partner. They had started off on the wrong foot ever since meeting. He just didn't think they had anything in common and that there was no reason for them to be anything other than colleagues. If she and Alex wanted to be friends, he was happy. Good for them, but he wasn't expecting a friendship.

For two months he had to work with Benson and at first it had been bad. They drove each other crazy and they were always arguing once they returned to the station. It was never ending and most of the time they worked alone until they had to collaborate. And then slowly, they started to laugh at one another. They started talking on stakeouts instead of ignoring each other. Now, he knew that once Elliot got back, he was going to miss her as his partner.

Looking back at Liz, he asked, "You okay?"

"Yeah, I think I'm going to go. I came right here after I got off shift and I'm exhausted."

"Angie's keeping Nate for the weekend, right?"

"Yep, and don't worry, I only had one," she said as she finished the last of her beer. "I'm going to tell Alex bye then go." Liz smiled down at him as she stood. "And we're not almost family, Bobby, we are family," she told him before walking over to Alex.

Bobby looked over and watched as the two who would do just about anything for each other embrace. Liz's words were still ringing in his ears; they were his family now.

Richard walked up beside him and gave him a pat on his shoulder. "Have you decided on a date yet?"

"It'll be soon," he said as he took a sip of his drink. "With uh, with your mother's health declining, I know Alex will want to do it soon."

Rich smiled as he gave a nod of approval, "Then it's a good thing you're doing it now."

Bobby gave a nod as he looked to the table, feeling a pain in his chest. "It was a long time coming. It should have already happened."

"But now is the best time. You're doing great, Bobby. How long have you been sober?"

He stared at Rich as his back stiffened. Bobby looked around for Alex as he felt a sudden sense of panic.

"She didn't say anything," Rich said as he put his hand on his shoulder. "I may not be a cop, but I'm not an idiot. You've been drinking non-alcoholic beer since we got here."

Bobby relaxed, but slightly. He didn't know what to think, or how to feel, about everyone knowing he's in AA. "Sixty-four days," he said as he glanced up at Alex's oldest brother. "I've been sober for sixty-four days."

Rich smiled and gave a nod. "Good for you. It's time for this, and not only that but it's the right time."

Bobby smiled as he agreed. It was the right time. There wasn't a time before where this would have been or felt right. It did now. He couldn't think of any anything feeling more right than asking Alex to marry him.

"Let's get a group picture! Alex! Where's Alex?!" Angie called out as she searched around the bar.

Bobby still didn't see her anywhere. Setting his bottle down, he got up headed toward the hallway where the restrooms were. Excusing himself around some people, he turned the corner and felt his panic fade as he spotted her talking with Mike down at the end of the hall. What they were saying looked pretty intense and Alex was setting her jaw and looked ready to deck her partner.

Walking toward them, he asked, "Everything all right?"

Logan jerked his head toward him before shaking it. "Yeah, we're just talking."

"About what?" he asked as he stepped in front of Alex and squared off with his friend.

Logan held up his hands and said, "It's nothing, just something to do with a case."

Bobby stared at Logan for a long moment and he knew that he was lying. Instead of confronting him about it though, he said, "Okay. Alex, Angie wants to get some more pictures."

"Great," she said but she no longer sounded happy.

He felt like hitting Mike for that alone; he made his fiancée upset when she should have been glowing. Stepping up to Mike after Alex started down the hall, Bobby told him, "I don't know what that was about, but if you ruined this day for her, Mike, I'll let you know it."

"Oh?"

Leaning into him, he said, "I'll break your face," before walking away, leaving Logan standing speechless.

He found Alex standing with Angie who was messing with her digital camera. Pulling her to him, he kissed her on the lips, making her smile. Whispering into her ear, he asked, "Are you okay? Mike didn't upset you, did he?"

"No, it's fine. I'm fine, really. It was just stupid."

"All right," Angie said, "Let's get a couple of group photos first of all of Bobby and Alex's friends," she said as she waved Elliot, Olivia, Fin, Munch, and the only other detective from Major Case, Mike, over. Deakins and Cragen had both already left. "We'll get family pictures later with all of us."

Alex wrapped her arm around him as they all gathered around for the picture; some held their beer bottles, holding them up as a toast, while others smiled too wide and laughed. Besides Elliot and Munch, they were all still dressed in what they wore for the baseball game: baseballs hats, jerseys that said either Major Case or Special Victim's printed on the front, and dirty pairs of jeans.

After a couple of group photos were taken, Angie said, "Okay, now only the happy couple!"

Bobby held Alex around her waist still, smiling over at her as the camera clicked a few times, blinding him. Then he leaned down and kissed her cheek as the third picture was taken, exciting an "awww" from Benson.

"You two are so fucking cute," she said as she took one more.

Alex had grabbed him by the face and laid on one him; he could do nothing about it but laugh.

"Best picture ever," someone yelled as others cheered them on and made whistling noises.

Bobby couldn't have agreed more as he told Angie, "I want copies of those."

"You'll be the first," she told him as she handed the camera to Alex so she could see them.

Bobby found his warm drink on the table and finished it off. As he started for the bar to get another, Nathan stopped him as he reached up to him from his highchair. Picking the kid up, he headed to the bar as Nathan grabbed the hat from his head to put it on his own. Along with his drink, he also ordered another basket of mozzarella sticks and chicken strips with extra barbecue sauce for him and Nate to share. Unless he was called in, he was going to fully enjoy this day.

It was dark when they finally left the bar. Most everyone else had left hours ago. The only ones who stayed were Elliot, Benson, Fin, and Junior who he had to practically carry to a taxi. Mike had also left hours ago, after the photos were taken.

Bobby knew that he probably was the reason for Logan leaving early, but he couldn't bring himself to regret it. Mike had made him mad by making Alex mad. However, that wasn't the only reason. It seemed like for the past couple of months he'd had been in a sour mood, at least where Alex was concerned.

He had noticed the difference between the two partners. There was a tension there that he couldn't place or identify the source of. He thought to ask Alex about it, or Mike, but realized that if it was any of his business they would've told him by now. Well, at least, he thought they would've.

Walking down the brightly lit sidewalk with Alex hanging off his arm, he pulled out his cell and saw he had several missed calls from his mother. He decided to call her back tomorrow; tonight, he was with his fiancée.

Alex leaned into him more as she said, "I can't believe we partied until the sun went down." She went to step up on the curb and stumbled.

Bobby grabbed her by the waist and started laughing at her drunkenness. "I can't believe you drank everyone under the table." He picked her up, causing her to yelp, and carried her.

Alex wrapped her arms around his neck and breathed out, saying, "My husband-to-be, carrying me to his car."

His '67 Mustang was parked two blocks down in a parking garage. It wasn't horribly far, but from the collision with Mike at the game his back had been really hurting. By now, and with how much pain he was in, if he had been drinking real beer with alcohol in it he'd be on the bar floor passed out.

Alex leaned her head on his shoulder and he tilted down to give her a kiss on her head. She sighed in content as they continued along the sidewalk. Reaching the parking garage, he took the elevator up to the third level. There no light in the corner so it made it hard to see if anyone was hanging around the car or not.

Getting to the car, he sat her down gently onto her feet. Alex leaned back against the hood and grabbed him. She pulled him over to her and kissed him, sliding her tongue past his lips and into his mouth. He moaned and pushed her into the side of the car.

Breaking the kiss, Alex asked, "When was the last time you got laid in a car?"

"Uh…" Bobby blinked back as he thought about that. "I can't remember."

"Then," she said with a wicked grin, "let's christen this baby." She patted the hood and he laughed.

"There's no way," he told her, "I'm too tall and my back still hurts."

"Put the top down."

Bobby really didn't know why he was telling her no. The only thing he could think of was getting her home so they could have sex. Just, not in his car. However, he grabbed her by the thigh and lifted her leg up, shifted against her as she wrapped her other leg around him. "How about we do it against my car?"

"Now you're talking," she said as she started kissing over his neck as her hands worked on his belt buckle.

He unbuttoned her jeans and wished she had on damn skirt or something. It would make this so much easier. "Wait, wait," he said as he let her down and then pulled her around to the other side. This way they were on the other side of the car, next to the wall. They were partly shielded and he could see if anyone was coming or not.

Alex started laughing as she told him, "You're so bad. We usually arrest people for stuff like this."

Bobby chuckled as he kissed over her neck; now that they were committed, he was ready to go. "You're the one who suggested it, so that makes you just as bad as me; you're my partner in crime…" Running his hand up her leg, then under her shirt cupping her breast, Alex sighed and arched against the car.

She finished getting his belt undone and pulled his zipper down. The moment she grabbed him he gasped and stilled against her. The way she did that was amazing and it only made him harder and he wanted her so much more. Getting her pants down, he didn't waste time with her panties as he pushed the fabric aside as she guided him to her. Pushing in, he groaned at the tightness as Alex lifted a leg to make it easier. Once fully in he started to move, exciting a lot of breathing and moaning from the love of his life.

It was a little fumbled, sloppy, and he had to readjust a few times but it was well worth it the moment Alex buried her face into his shoulder and groaned out in pleasure as she came. Gripping her thigh harder, he thrust three more times before muffling a sharp gasp and groan as he jerked into her one last time and came.

Breathing deeply into her neck, he eased her leg down as he pulled out but didn't let go of her as his legs felt weak. "How was that?"

Alex started laughing again as she said, "Wonderful."

Bobby started laughing himself as he shook his head. "You're really drunk."

"And properly laid. Help me get my pants back up," she said as she started pulling them up.

Bobby grabbed her pants and jerked them up, making her stumble back slightly and laugh some more. Once they were both looking decent, they got into the car and he started the car. It was time to go home. As he turned onto the street, heading east, he pressed the button to put the top down on the convertible. Turning to Alex, he asked, "Want to go to Rockaway?"

"That's the best thing you've said all night. Besides the 'marry me' part," she said as she turned to him and kissed his cheek. She leaned her head on his shoulder and muffled a yawn.

"Are you going to be awake by the time we get there?"

"Yeah," she mumbled. "Wake me."

He looked down and saw that she was fast asleep. Smiling to himself, he shifted gears as he got on the bridge and headed to Rockaway.

* * *

_Alex's Apartment_

_Rockaway, Queens_

"Music," she said as she entered the apartment and stumbled over to her record player. Ever since she found a box with her old records in it months ago, she'd been obsessing over playing them whenever she could.

As she searched for one that satisfied her, he pulled off his jersey and tossed it toward the direction of the front door. There was no laundry room or space for a washer/dryer hook up. He would collect their laundry in the morning and take it to the cleaners. "I'm going to take a shower."

"Ah-ha! Found a good one," she exclaimed as she held it up before putting it on.

Hearing the Righteous Brothers 'Unchained Melody', he sighed and closed his eyes. "Great song," he called out as he continued up the steps.

To his immediate right was the bathroom. Leaving the door open, he stripped off the rest of his clothes and started the shower. Getting in, he relished in the hot spray as he leaned his head the wall as he listened to the music drift through the door from downstairs.

The moment she put the record on, and he heard the opening notes to the song, he remembered something he hadn't before. It was a memory from long ago, when he was a child. Shaking his head, and beating back the thought of his dad and the woman he was having an affair with, he picked up the soap and wash cloth.

He heard the song end and then the record was replaced with another and he smiled as he heard Otis Redding sing, "These arms of mine" before the music kicked in.

He loved Alex's taste in music; it matched his own. There was a noise in the bathroom and he slid open the shower door an inch so he could see what Alex was doing. She was slowly taking her clothes off but had gotten her tank top stuck around her arms and he chuckled.

"Bobby!" she screamed and then laughed as he slid the door further open and grabbed her, pulling her over to him. "My arms are stuck," she laughed as he kissed her then proceeded to untangle her arms from the shirt straps.

Alex was able to finish undressing herself after that and then joined him in the shower. They were both too tired to go around two but he didn't mind as he enjoyed just kissing her, holding her, and helping her to clean every inch of her body.

Once showered, Alex dressed in only a pair of her underwear and bra; he had the same in mind as he only slipped on a pair of boxers before leaving the bedroom. Alex was sitting on the floor, flipping through the box of records. He sat next to her and took one at random.

At seeing what it was, he started laughing, "Donny Osmond?"

"In my defense, that belonged to my sister."

"But you have it," he teased before putting it back. Reaching further back in the box, he grabbed another one and pulled it out. "Percy Sledge…Now _this_ is a song." Bobby took the record out of the album sleeve and put it on the player. As the song 'When a Man Loves a Woman' started to play, he took Alex by the hand and pulled her up with him. "Dance with me."

Alex wrapped her arm around him as they started to sway to the music.

"_When a man loves a woman, can't keep his mind on nothing else, he'll trade the world for the good thing he's found. If she's bad he can't see it, she can do no wrong, turn his back on his best friend if he put her down."_

She let out a deep breath as she muttered into his chest, "I love this song."

"Hmm, it's a great song."

"Most of these records are my dads'," she told him. "When I was a kid, every time we worked on the car together these were all we listened to. He gave them to me when I moved out, said he wanted me to have them."

Bobby wondered if that was why she was obsessing over listening to them. He knew she was worried about both her parents. Not just her mom because of her health, but her dad as well. John was suffering just as much, if not more than everyone else. The man knew he was losing his wife. A pain filled his chest at that thought. He couldn't imagine ever losing Alex. Leaning his head against hers, he closed his eyes and held her a little tighter, closer.

"_Well, this man loves a woman, I gave you everything I had, trying to hold on to your precious love. Baby, please don't treat me bad. When a man loves a woman…"_

"I remember watching my parents dance to this once. They had this big fight and I remember me and Liz and Junior being scared. We thought, this was it, their marriage is over. My dad left and didn't come back until real late. I was asleep but a noise woke me. It was this song playing. I sat at the top of the stairs and watched the two of them. I learned that night that just because you have a fight, it doesn't mean you stop loving the person you're with." She looked up at him and he saw a gleam of tears in her eyes. Her left hand rubbed over his chest, his heart, as she said, "That you can get past the bad times…"

Bobby leaned down and kissed her, cutting her words off.

"_When a man loves a woman, he can do no wrong, he can never own some other girl. Yes when a man loves a woman, I know exactly how he feels, 'cause baby, baby…you're my world."_

Ending the kiss, he wrapped his arms around her and held her as she let her tears fall. He wasn't sure if it was for them, from her happiness; or because she was thinking of her parents. It could've been both, and that was okay too.

"Look at me, sorry," she said as she stepped back to rub at her eyes.

"Don't be," he said as he took her hands and held them as he stared down at her. "Whatever you're feeling, or why, you have no reason to be sorry."

Alex shook her head as she said, "I'm crying on you and I'm drunk."

"And I'm not complaining."

"It's just that I've been doing so good with supporting you by not drinking myself, and tonight-"

"You were celebrating," he said as he tilted her head so he could look into her eyes. She kept looking away from him because of her sudden guilt. "Everyone was buying you drinks and I'm not mad at you for drinking them. I never told you not to drink, Alex. You're not the one with the problem."

"I know, but-"

"Stop," Bobby stressed. "No buts. You deserved to let loose and have a good time. We had a great time tonight. The best we've had in a while. Even drunk, you're the most beautiful," he said as he kissed her, "loving," he kissed her again, "and amazing woman in the world."

"You're just saying that to make me feel better," she lightly teased and smiled.

"And it's working," he said as he kissed her again, this time letting it linger; grow deeper.

Alex moaned as she started pushing him backwards until his legs hit the mattress. He dropped down and she straddled his lap and kissed him harder as her hand slipped inside his boxers. She never relented or gave up position as she rode him hard and fast until they reached that moment of ecstasy.

Her hand was running over his chest that was coated with sweat, soothing the muscles that were pulsing with spasms. Her breath was warm against his neck, sending a sense of comfort down his body that he'd been feeling for weeks now.

They held each other for a long time, well after the needle fell off the record. Alex was the first to move as she kissed over his neck and then lips. He watched as she got up and headed into the kitchen after announcing that she wanted something sweet.

Bobby sucked in a deep breath and sat up to join her. Feeling his back pull, he groaned and lain back down. Closing his eyes, he fought off the pain before getting up. Going into the kitchen, he saw Alex picking through a bowl of fruit salad. She held it out and offered him some. Taking a piece of strawberry, he popped it into his mouth as he opened the freezer. The cold air hit him and he hummed in pleasure.

"You know, frozen yogurt would go great with this fruit," Alex said.

Bobby glanced over at her before looking into the freezer. He grabbing the tub of frozen yogurt out and shut the door. Taking two spoons out of a drawer, he sat down and pulled the lid off. Alex didn't even complain about the fact that he was on the floor and leaning up against the refrigerator door. She had accepted his odd behaviors, and this was one of them, a long time ago. She sat down next to him and took the spoon he offered her as he dug in.

They ate in silence for a while as they both enjoyed the fruit and yogurt. Then Alex said, "Memorial Day weekend."

He didn't even have to ask to know what she was talking about. Looking over at her, he smiled as he said, "Yeah?"

Alex smiled back as she leaned in and kissed him. "Yeah."

"Where?"

"How about here."

Bobby gave a nod as he looked around the mostly bare apartment. They still hadn't even gotten furniture for the place. All there was in the living room was a box spring and mattress, a record player, and a box of records; there wasn't even a table. "We're going to need a table."

"We're going to need a lot of things," she said before taking a bite of the yogurt. "Who's going to perform the nuptials?"

"I don't want a priest," he said as he worked his spoon around the edge of the tub. Looking over at her, he said, "That's my only request, Alex, no priest."

Alex considered that for a moment before asking, "How about the Captain? He's certified."

Bobby stared at her as he stuck the spoon in his mouth. Once he swallowed, he asked, "Deakins?"

"Yeah."

"How'd you know he's certified?"

"We talk," she said before smiling wide. "Don't tell me I know something you don't."

Bobby felt the blush heat his face before he shook it off. "Ask him."

"I will," she told him. "Who are you going to invite?"

Bobby shrugged as he said, "Well, there's Lewis and his wife."

"Who else?"

He looked at her and said, "You're wondering about my mother." Alex nodded without saying anything. That wasn't a good sign. She knew he hadn't exactly been on speaking terms with his mom for a while. However, this was huge. He was getting married, and his mother had every right to be there. "I'll bring her."

Alex stared over at him as she asked, "Is that okay?"

"Of course," he said as he took another bite.

"Bobby, I haven't even met her yet. We should do that before, don't you think?"

He felt uneasy with that as he looked over at her. Alex was right; he needed to tell his mother first, and let them meet each other. He would also have to break it to his mom that he was in a relationship. That was going to be fun…Bobby took a breath and said, "She doesn't even know that we're together."

Alex's eyes went wide as she gapped at him. "What? Bobby," she scolded him. "She's your mother. It's been two years."

Bobby dropped his spoon into the tub that was nearly empty as he felt the need to defend himself. "Which is practically a miracle in itself. I wasn't expecting this to last, yet alone to marry you. But, you're right; I should have told her before. It's just that…" he sighed and shook his head. Reaching up, he rubbed at his eyes and neck, before telling her, "She's difficult. She, Alex…my mother has never approved of any woman I've been with. She's hated all of them and she finds ways to..." he stopped as he rethought his explanation. "Once she knows I'm with someone, she'll get more demanding. It's like she can't stand the thought of another woman occupying my life. She says she wants me to be happy, but every time I am, she…destroys it. That's why I stopped letting her know. She hasn't known about a woman I've dated since I worked Narcotics."

Alex let out a breath as she leaned back against the refrigerator. After a moment, she said, "Do what you think is best."

"Hey," he said, getting her attention. Once she turned her head to look at him, he told her, "thank you for understanding."

She smirked and shook her head, telling him, "I don't. I'm just really good at pretending."

Bobby chuckled as he leaned over and gave her a kiss. "Then thanks for pretending. Tired?"

"Exhausted," she said as she finished off the fruit before getting up.

Bobby helped her to clean up the kitchen before they both collapsed onto the mattress. He pulled her close and held her against his chest as he closed his eyes and drifted to sleep.

TBC…


	2. Sunday, May 15, 2005

A/N: Also, since this is AU, I've decided to alter a family history of one of the SVU detectives. I'm not going to say who or how, you have to keep reading.

Enjoy!

* * *

_Alex's Apartment_

Morning came all too soon as he shifted on the mattress, rolled onto his back, and opened his eyes. There was a faint hint of sunlight across the ceiling as he rubbed at his head and eyes before sitting up on the edge. Muffling a yawn, he scratched at his head and rubbed his neck. Running his palm over his chin and jaw, he felt the beard growth. He would have to shave before going into work tomorrow, but not this morning. Looking over his shoulder to Alex, he smiled at how peaceful and happy she looked in her sleep. Her left hand was lying on top of the pillow next to her face. He saw the ring on her finger and felt awed once again to the fact that she was marrying him.

Getting up, he headed to the stairs. After using the bathroom, he went into the bedroom and opened a dresser drawer. He kept one pair of work clothes in the closet, just in case, but all the rest were t-shirts and jeans, cargo shorts and short sleeved flannels. He changed into a pair of cargo shorts and a flannel over a white t-shirt. Grabbing his sneakers, he slipped them on without any socks and went back down to the living room.

Finding his keys in the jeans pocket, he gathered up their dirty jeans and jerseys and put them into a bag he would drop off at the cleaners. He found a notepad and pen and wrote a note in case she woke up before he got back. Checking the cabinets and refrigerator, he made a mental note of what he would need to make them a decent breakfast before leaving.

First stop was to the cleaners. He dropped the bag off, thanked Jhake who he learned had emigrated from India, and then proceeded to the grocery store a block down. When he returned to the apartment almost an hour later Alex was still asleep. He prepared a pot of coffee and started cooking.

As he was scrambling the eggs in a pan, he heard her come into the kitchen. He glanced over his shoulder and watched as she got a cup and fill it with coffee. "Good morning."

Alex groaned and took a sip, grimacing at the taste. "Too strong."

"That's the point. Put some sugar in it." Bobby went back to cooking as he turned the burner off and then picked up a fork to flip the bacon. "Can you put the bread in the toaster, babe." He took a sip of his coffee as he opened the oven and took out the hash browns.

Alex grabbed one off the sheet and popped it into her mouth. "You went all out."

"I'm starving," he said as he kissed her on the temple as he moved around her to get the plates. "And I know how you are when you have a hangover. You throw your diet right out the window in favor of greasy food and bad carbs."

He filled the plates and sat them on the kitchen island where they ate. Picking up the morning paper, he started to read. Alex grabbed her phone and made a few calls, mostly to her family to tell them that they decided on a date and that they were going to have it there.

After she got off the phone with her sister, she said, "So, are you going to visit your mom today?"

Bobby sat the paper down and looked over at her. Alex grabbed an orange out of the bowl and started slicing it into halves. "I thought we've been over this."

"All you said was that you would see her when you-"

"Do you want me here, or there?"

Alex worked on peeling the orange as she told him, "It's Sunday."

"Answer the question," he said as he picked up his cup and reached behind him to the counter for the coffee pot. "Where do you want me to be right now, Alex? On this beautiful Sunday, the day after I proposed, do you want me to get up and go upstate all day? Or do you want me to be right here with you?"

She sighed and shook her head, saying, "It's not what I want, it's what you want."

"Exactly," he said as he filled the cup before putting the pot back. Leaning over to her, he said, "It's what I want." Bobby breathed out as he shook his head and thought of how he could explain this. In the end, he just decided to let it all out. "I've let my mother dictate too much of my life already, Alex. You know that. A visit once a week, a phone call every day, for the rest of my life, or hers, whoever goes first…I can't live like that anymore."

"But you need to take care of her too."

Bobby almost laughed at that. "Take care of her? How? By being her whipping boy? I take care of her by talking to her doctors. I take care of her by ensuring her Medicaid isn't trying to screw her over. That's how I take care of her. Everything else, the visits, the calls…it's all venting. She calls me to vent. She calls me to tell me how much of a worthless son I am and how Frank could make things better. That's what I am to her, what I have always been. She knows I will keep coming back no matter what she does or says."

Alex gave a nod but she still didn't look satisfied. "I'm glad you're taking control of your life, Bobby, I am. But you haven't seen your mom in months."

"And you know why. My memory still isn't a hundred percent, and I've been dealing with the fallout of the whole Nicole Wallace thing. I've had IA breathing down my neck for months, and then there's this case I'm working on…And through it all I've been rebuilding my relationship with you. The last thing I need is my mother's drama on top of it all. I've talked to her doctors, she's fine." He picked up the paper and went back to reading, ending the conversation.

He thought he ended it until Alex said, "You can't keep ignoring her."

"I'm not," he said, still trying to read the paper. "I mean, I am, but it's not…" Sitting the paper down, he rubbed at his head as he felt his frustration building. "I'm deciding when I go see her. I'll go when it's best for me, and not when it's convenient for her. She's not going anywhere. She's not trying to make a relationship work. I am. I'm done living my life according to her whims, and I'm no longer going to jump when she calls," he said as he looked into her eyes. He saw Alex relax a little as she took that in. She was coming around to his side of things. Bobby took her hand, the one with the ring on it, and told her, "And I'm not going to choose my mother over you any longer."

She squeezed his hand and smiled despite the sadness he saw in her eyes. "I don't understand why you can't have both."

Bobby shook his head as he felt the pain in his heart. He knew all too well how that wasn't possible. "I wished I understood why too. All I know is that it doesn't work that way. We've got to see her anyway, tell her we're getting married, but it's not going to be today. Today, I'm here with you."

Alex leaned over and kissed him on the mouth. She went back to eating as he went back to reading. She finished her food and left the kitchen. Minutes later he heard the shower going upstairs.

* * *

_241 E. 144th Street_

_Apartment 4C_

"Stan! Stanley, open up!" Anthony Ames yelled as he beat on the door again. Pulling out his cell, he tried calling again only to get the voicemail. Banging on the door again, he said, "Come on, man! We're going to miss the plane!"

When he still received no answer, he down to the superintendent's apartment and banged on his door. The door opened and he asked, "Have you seen Stan Mendez today?"

"No, why? Who're you?" the man asked as he opened the door wider and stepped out into the hall.

"I work with Stan; we've got a plane to catch and he's not answering. How about his wife?"

"Look, pal, I haven't seen him or his wife all day."

Looking at his watch, Anthony shook his head at the time. They had to catch a plane at one; it was eleven-thirty. "Can you open the door for me?"

The superintendent looked hesitate but then went into the apartment, leaving the door open. He came back with a key and motioned toward the stairs. They took the stairs up to the fourth floor and went to apartment 4C.

Anthony banged on the door again as the superintendent worked the key into the lock. "Stan, we're coming in."

He pushed the door open once the lock clicked and looked around the living room and kitchen. They were empty. Heading to the bedroom, he passed by the bathroom and saw it too was empty. Banging on the door, he waited to hear a noise and when he didn't, he grabbed hold of the knob and turned it.

"Stan, you and Rose-" he stopped as he saw her on the bed. His stomach turned as he gasped, "Oh my god," before running out into the hallway where he hit his knees and gagged. He was shaking as he pulled out his cell at the same time yelling out, "Call 9-1-1!"

* * *

_Hell's Kitchen Flea Market_

_Hell's Kitchen, Manhattan_

It was another beautiful spring day. The sun was high in the sky and shining down on them as a breeze came in off the Hudson River that was only a few blocks over. They were shopping around the outdoor market that was actually named one of the top ten shopping streets in the world according to National Geographic magazine, and looking for a table and chairs for the kitchen, along with a bedframe to finally put in the bedroom.

Alex was walking down the long strip of West 39th street between 9th and 10th Avenue, stopping here and there, talking to a few sellers, before finally seeing something she liked. "How about this one?"

Bobby walked up behind her and looked down at the wooden table. He gave a nod as the seller approached them.

"I'm Gene," the man said as he held out his hand.

"Bobby," he said as he shook his hand. "This is Alex."

Gene shook her hand too before asking, "You're interested? I got that piece when I was in the Middle East. It's handcrafted."

Bobby stared at the guy as he asked, "Which part?"

"Bahrain; its-"

"I know it. It's an island next to Saudi Arabia," Bobby said as he looked down at the table. It was very, very nice looking. "You were in the Navy?"

Gene smiled as he said, "Yeah. You?"

He shook his head as he said, "Army, but I knew a couple of sailors who were stationed there. I dropped by a few times to party with them when I was on leave. So, how much?"

"I got the whole set for $2,500; I'll sell it to you for a thousand."

Bobby eyed Gene and then the table. He looked over at Alex who was looking at him. "A thousand, that's not bad."

"We can half it," she said as her cell started to ring.

"We still have to get a bedframe," he reminded her.

Alex smiled over at the seller as she flipped her phone open, saying, "We'll take it," before putting the phone to her ear. "Eames."

Bobby looked over at Gene as he asked, "You deliver?"

"Of course. Would you like to see my selection of bedframes?"

"It depends; are they also a thousand?" he seriously asked as he started for the row of bedframes a couple of feet away.

Gene told him as they stopped at a bed, "Some are more, others less."

Bobby looked around at all the beds and walked over to the one he liked. "How about this one?"

"That's more."

He crossed his arms and nodded. Figures, he thought as he stared at the bedframe. Bobby didn't mind spending money on some things, like his suits and shoes. He wore those and he couldn't stand a cheap suit. But, his bed was in his room. The only one who saw it was him and Alex. Sure, he wanted a great mattress; he went all out for the mattress. However, a frame was just that, a frame. Spending over a thousand for one was too much for his liking. Yet alone two thousand.

Alex walked over and said, "I've got to go."

Bobby turned and saw the apologetic look on her face. "A case?"

"Yeah. Logan is meeting me there." Alex looked over at the bed he'd been eyeing. "No."

"Why not?"

"I like that one," she said, pointing to the one on the far end of the row.

Bobby looked over at it and shrugged, saying, "It's all right, I guess. How much for that one?"

"It's $1,500."

Rubbing at his head, he turned to Alex and asked, "Well, what'd you think?"

Alex sighed and said, "A thousand plus fifteen hundred…divided by two."

"We're both out $1,250," he said as he quickly did the math in his head. Bobby saw the look in her eyes and quickly gave a nod, "All right. Let's uh…pay and arrange for the delivery. Then I'll drive you."

They quickly paid, filled out a delivery order form and got their receipts. Ten minutes later, they were in his car headed to the east side of the city. "Where's the scene?"

"Jefferson Park, East Harlem; building 241," Alex told him.

Bobby glanced over at her and saw the look on her face. "What is it?"

"The couple who were murdered was Stanley Mendez and his wife, Rose."

Bobby worked those names over in his head. "Stanley…he's one of us; a crime scene tech. His wife Rose is a court reporter for Judge Hartman." He was quiet a moment before telling her, "He was a good guy."

"You knew them?" she asked.

"Not Rose, no, but Stan," he said in disbelief at Stan being murdered as he drove around Central Park. "He was a newbie when I worked Narco. He liked to play poker. I invited him to join me and my buddies for a game a few times. Once I got to Major Case though, he and Rose got married and he stopped going. I haven't really talked to him in years, but…I would see him every so often at a scene. We would, you know, say hi…chat a little…" he trailed off as he shook his head.

"We'll get who did this, Bobby."

He looked over her and smiled slightly at her confidence. "I know you will."

Fifteen minutes later they arrived at the apartment building that was swarmed with police issued vehicles. Bobby spotted the CSU van and saw the grim looks on the techs faces as they had to process the death of one of their own. Turning to Alex, he leaned over and gave her a kiss before she opened the door. "Good luck, babe."

"Thanks," she said as she kissed him back. Opening the door, she got out of the car and grabbed her purse.

Alex wasn't dressed in work clothes since they were supposed to have the day off; she was wearing a black skirt with a sky blue blouse. She didn't look like a cop at all. Bobby noticed a couple of uniforms looking her way, checking her out as she leaned over to grab her purse. He felt his blood rush through him at the looks and felt like parking the car so he could get out and beat the shit out of them.

Alex noticed his change in mood as she looked over toward the stoop where the cops were standing. Turning back to him, she said, "Jealous?"

"You're a detective, a Sergeant no less, they should have some respect," he said as she stepped back and shut the door.

"They're men; I'm used to it."

"I'm not," he muttered as he glared at the uniforms as Alex moved away from the car. "Be careful."

Alex gave him a wave as she started for the doors. One of the officers held the door for her and watched her walk in before shutting it.

Bobby's hand twitched along with his jaw as he shifted gears and sped away from the building. Since his day was ruined by Alex being called in, he figured he could stop by the 16th Precinct and see what was going on. Maybe he could help on a case or finish up some of the paperwork for his own.

* * *

_241 E. 144th Street_

_Apartment 4C_

Alex showed her shield to the uniform at the door and gave her name and badge number before going in. The whole apartment was being processed as she grabbed a pair of booties to put over her heels before heading down the hall to the bedroom. A couple of techs looked her way, she nodded at them, giving them weak smiles before looking away and focusing on the job.

There were a couple of techs in the bedroom as she entered. Stopping just short of the bed, Alex sucked in a breath as she took in the scene. Blood was everywhere; on the walls, the ceiling, and soaked into the mattress under the body of Rose Mendez. Her husband Stan was tied to a chair next to the bed. Where Rose had been repeatedly stabbed, Stan had been shot once in the head. Kill shot.

She took in the restraints; flex-cuffs, and the duct tape over the husbands mouth. Looking toward the bed from her position at the chair, she realized that the killer wanted the husband to watch. Swallowing around the tight lump in her throat, she pushed her emotions aside as she asked the officer on scene, "So, what'd you know?"

Officer Levin filled her in about Anthony Ames and the superintendent, Martin Jaffey, finding the bodies. Ames was another CSI; he worked with Mendez. They were supposed to leave that afternoon for a conference in Washington. It was arranged that Ames would pick Mendez up and drive them both to the airport since Mendez didn't have a car. When no one answered, Ames got the super to unlock the door to the apartment.

"Where are they now?" she asked as she heard Logan's voice down the hall.

"They're in the super's apartment. I've got one of my guys watching them," Levin told her before he was excused.

Logan walked by the officer and gave him a pat on the shoulder, "How's it goin', Brian?"

"I'm alright, Mike."

Logan stopped inside the door and let out a breath, "Holy…mother," he whispered as he looked at the bed then around the room. "Looks like a horror movie set in here."

"Too bad it's real," she said as she pointed to the victims. "She was stabbed, he was shot."

"And made to watch," Logan nodded toward the chair. "Poor guy."

"With the setup, and how Mrs. Mendez was tortured, I think she was the main target."

"Sounds right," Logan said as he walked around the room and took in the blood. "Spatter's everywhere. The killer was in a rage."

Alex looked up and saw the M.E., Elizabeth Rogers walk in.

"Detectives," she said as she sat her kit down and got to work on the bodies. "Congratulations, Eames; I heard Goren proposed yesterday."

Alex smiled over at her. "Yeah, thanks."

A few minutes later, Rogers told them, "I'm placing time of death 24 hours ago."

"This time yesterday?" Logan asked as he looked down at her.

Rogers stared up at him and said, "Uh, like I said, 24 hours."

Logan smirked at her tone as he took off his gloves. "I'm going to see if anyone heard anything. Middle of the day on a Saturday, I'm betting no one heard a thing," he told her as he left the bedroom.

Alex grabbed a pair of gloves, blew in them, and then slipped them on. As Rogers moved away, she moved in on the body and did something that normally Bobby would do; she picked up her hands and took a look at them. There were skin cells and blood under the nails. She wasn't sure if they were from the killer or if it was her own, but she told the CSI to bag the hands anyway.

Tossing the gloves, she went out into the living room and got Officer Levin to go down to the super's apartment with her to talk to the two men who found them.

* * *

_Special Victim's Unit_

_16th Precinct, Manhattan_

The moment he walked in a chorus of clapping started, which was initiated by Fin and Munch. Bobby felt his face heat as he shook his head at his fellow detectives. As he walked over to his desk, he realized he was smiling.

"So are we invited to the wedding, big man?" Fin asked from across the room. That had been a nickname Fin started to call him a few weeks ago and it seemed to have stuck.

"Uh, it's going to be small, immediate family and close...friends," he said as he grabbed a file out of the top drawer of his desk. On the drive over he remembered he had to make copies of a report. "But everyone's invited to the reception."

"And when is this going to happen?" Benson asked as she walked in carrying a bag of food.

"Memorial Day weekend," he told her as he went over to the copy machine. Bobby made several copies and as he waited for them to print off, he walked over and got himself a cup of coffee.

"Just couldn't stay away from us, could you Goren," said Garcia as he walked by him, giving him a pat on the shoulder. "You have to come in your day off."

"I bet Eames is driving him crazy with wedding plans. Am I right," Munch asked. "She going all Martha Stewart on you, wanting Lilac Lilly's and champagne cake."

Bobby gave Munch a look and asked, "Is that what your three ex-wives do?" as he took a sip of coffee.

"Oh, the big man cracking jokes," Fin started laughing as Munch turned to him.

"That's not funny. I was in love," Munch said dramatically as he grabbed at his shirt, over his heart. "I gave them my heart, and they stomped on it."

He grabbed the copies from the machine, and made sure to take the original off the scanner, before walking back over to his desk.

Benson came over with a file for him and asked, "She catch a case?"

"Yeah," he said as he took the file and dropped it on his desk. "Stan Mendez and his wife."

"We heard," she said as she sat down on the edge of his desk. "One of our own, and I heard his wife was a court reporter."

"Judge Hartman," he said in way of confirming what she'd heard.

"Let's hope it's not a trend."

Bobby glanced up at her as he gave a grim nod. He finished filing the reports away and was about to head out to grab something to eat when Cragen stormed out of his office.

"Benson, Goren!"

He looked over at her as she looked at him; as they approached the office, he said, "Your fault."

Benson knocked him on the arm as she went ahead of him and muttered back, "Nah-huh, this one's yours."

Bobby smirked as he turned to shut the door; once he faced Cragen, his humor was gone and he was all business.

"We just got a 10-32 come in; officers are on scene now."

"Why isn't the child being taken to the hospital yet?" Benson asked.

"The kid's scared, hiding in the closet and won't come out. They haven't even been able to confirm if the claim is verified. Get there just in case. Here's the address," Cragen said as he held out a piece of paper to her.

Benson took it and headed for the door. She stopped and turned back, asking, "If Goren hadn't come in-"

"I would've given it to John and Fin," Cragen said as he sat down behind his desk.

She smiled over at him as she opened the door; pointing at him, she said, "Your fault."

Bobby grabbed the door to hold it open for her to go through; turning to Cragen, he said, "It is my off day, Captain."

"That's why I gave it to you. I take it you have no suit to change into?" he asked as he gestured to what he was wearing. "You're not even wearing socks."

"It's Sunday, and I'm technically off," he said again as he left the office and grabbed his gun out of his locker. Putting it on his belt, Bobby followed Benson outside where she got behind the wheel of the department issue SUV.

Since it was so nice outside, they rolled down the windows instead of turning on the A/C. Bobby pulled his sunglasses out of his breast pocket and slipped them on. "I'm so glad winter's over. I thought the cold would never go away."

"I hear ya. It did seem to last longer than usual," Benson said as she turned North. "It's in Harlem."

"Stop up here on 42nd. I want to get something to eat."

"What's on 42nd?"

Bobby looked over at her as he said, "Joe's Smokehouse."

Benson glanced over at him and nodded. "Get me a sweat tea. They're the best."

She pulled over to park and he quickly jumped out and headed up to the vendor. "Afternoon, Joe," Bobby said as he stepped up to the window.

At seeing him, the old man smiled, "Bobby, where ya at. What can I get for you?"

Bobby placed his order of a barbecue pulled-pork sandwich, a side of coleslaw and fries, and two sweat teas. Getting his drinks first, he took them over to the SUV and handed one through the window to Benson then the other before going back to grab his food.

"Fry," he asked as he held out the takeout box.

Benson grabbed a couple as she stopped at a light. "Want to take the kid while I deal with the parents?"

He took a bite out of his sandwich and gave a nod. "I'm not good with the parents."

"I've noticed," she said as she snagged a few more of his fries. "You intimidate the hell out of them. I thought Elliot was bad. You just stare at them and they clam up."

Looking over at her, he said, "I'll try not to stare."

"By all means, stare all you want, it's amusing to see them squirm." Benson looked over at him and saw him staring at her. "Not at me, you ass," she said with a chuckle while reaching over to push his face away.

He started laughing as he went back to finishing his meal.

* * *

_145 West 118th Street_

_Harlem_

Bobby saw the cop cars parked outside the building as they pulled up. Getting out, he immediately took his shield off his belt and clipped it on his breast pocket. Looking around, he saw people walking up and down the sidewalk across the street. Some looked over as others were too busy to care. There was a church next door to the building, St. John Baptist.

Heading up to the stoop, he greeted one of the first officers on scene. Officer Reynolds pointed up the stairs, "2A."

"Where are the parents," Benson asked as he stepped inside and headed up the steps.

"They're still in the apartment."

At hearing that, Bobby stopped midway up the steps and turned around. "Why?"

"We haven't confirmed-"

"It's no wonder the kid doesn't want to come out," Benson said as she started up the steps after him.

As they approached the door to the apartment, he heard fighting, man and woman.

"You fucking bitch! You're the one who did this! Crack whore, running around on me with-"

"Crack whore?" the woman yelled. "Fuck you, you fucking pig."

The second officer, who he would assume to be Officer Reynolds partner, was on his radio informing dispatch of the escalating fight that was quickly turning into a domestic.

Bobby stepped inside, hand on gun, and saw the two parents nose to nose, pointing and screaming. The woman was nearly naked, only in her underwear and a thin robe that wasn't even tied. The man was bare down to his waist, only wearing a pair of baggy jeans; the belt was undone and his zipper was down.

The moment the man threw a fist, Bobby had him around the arms as Benson rushed to restrain the woman. He slammed the man to the floor and held him there as he pulled out his cuffs. The woman at first started going after her husband, then Bobby felt a kick on his back and saw her coming after him.

"Get off him! Leave my man alone," she yelled as she tried to kick him again.

Benson grabbed the woman up and pulled her back with the help of fellow officer. They all three stumbled and hit the end table and tumbled to the floor.

Bobby got the second cuff on the man's hand as he struggled under him while cussing him out. "Benson?"

"I got her down!" she called back to him. "She's secure."

"Yeah, him too," he said as he got up and grabbed the man up by his arms, making the tension worse on the husband's shoulders.

Benson turned to him as she got the woman up off the floor. She was huffing and her lip was bleeding but she was fine. "I'll handle these two."

He nodded as he took a breath and turned toward the hallway. The first room was the bathroom with a rustic tub and chipped paint. There were bath toys such as small boats and sponges in shapes of animals, along with race cars and GI Joe soldiers.

The next room was the kid's bedroom. It had bare walls that had pencil and crayon drawings over the bottom quarter, as far as the kid could reach. Toys were also littered around the floor. There was a small mattress, not much bigger than for a baby in the corner with nothing on it. Stepping inside, he opened the closet and looked in.

Huddled in the back, hiding under the thin batman sheet that should be on the bed, was a little boy no older than four or five and no bigger than a child much younger. Kneeling down, Bobby sat down on the carpeted floor, feeling the sharp pull nannie back from where he'd been kicked, and watched the boy for a long moment. The kid had yet to look up at him, his head was buried into the sheet that was wrapped around his knees.

He heard someone come in behind him and glanced behind him. Benson leaned down and whispered to him, "Kid's name is Colton. Mother is Desiree Collins, maiden name Richards, stepfather is Rory Collins."

Bobby gave a nod as he turned back to watching Colton. "Give us a minute," he whispered back to Benson. He felt a hand on his shoulder before she left. Addressing the boy, he said in a gentle voice, "You like Batman?"

Colton barely moved as he peered over the top of his knees at him. He nodded but didn't say anything.

Bobby could see the swelling and start of a deep bruise beside his left eye. His jaw twitched but that was the only indication to the rage he felt toward the parents; not just to the man who did it, but the mother as well. She knew and did nothing, or worse. "I do too. He's a good guy."

"Superhero."

Bobby smiled. "Do you know who Batman's friends are?"

"Robin," Colton told him.

"And police officers...I'm a police officer." He unclipped his shield from the breast pocket of his shirt and showed it to him. The boy's eyes widened slightly before he looked back at him. Holding it out further, he said, "Want to hold onto it for me?"

Colton looked back at the badge and tentatively reached out and took it. He quickly pulled it to his chest and then looked down at it. Then, in a soft voice asked, "Did you take my mommy?"

"I arrested both of them, your mom and dad."

Colton looked over toward the wall and said, "He's not my daddy."

Bobby nodded in agreement. The more he talked to Colton, the more he knew the kid wasn't as young as he appeared. "Colton, how old are you?"

He held up fingers on both hands. Bobby's chest hurt as he saw seven. The kid didn't look seven...He was so, small. "I'm going to tell you some things, Colton, okay, and if you're okay with it, I want you to let me know."

Colton looked down at the badge in his hand and gave a nod.

"I'm going to wait out here, okay? And whenever you're ready, I want you to come out."

Colton looked up at him and hesitated as he bit on his lip. He nodded.

"Then I'm going to take you to a hospital where a very good and nice doctor is going to help you feel better, okay?"

Again, Colton hesitated but this time he shook his head.

"I'll be there with you," he told him.

He swallowed hard and Bobby saw fear enter the boys eyes as he started to shake and cry. Colton nodded.

"It'll be okay," Bobby tried to reassure him. "When you're ready..." He knew that he would wait all night if he had too. The last thing he was going to do was reach in and pull him out. Just the imagine that brought to mind pissed him off.

Colton would never trust him again if he did that.

He sat there for a good five minutes before Colton started to move forward. He scooted over the carpet, grimacing, and when he got close enough, whispered to him, "I need pants."

Bobby looked into the closet, to the spot the boy was sitting, and felt his stomach turn at seeing the blood. "Okay," he said as he got up and went to the dresser. He pulled out a pair of sweatpants since they were looser, and went back over to him. "Be careful, go slow when you put them on."

Colton shook his head as he softly asked as the tears kept coming. "You do it, please?" as his voice started to tremble.

He closed his eyes as he had to fight back his own tears before helping the kid. Keeping the sheet wrapped around him, he carried him out of the apartment and to the awaiting ambulance.

Bobby told the EMT to wait for him before walking over to the patrol car where Rory Collins was being held.

"Bobby," Benson called out to him. "Bobby, don't-"

He opened the back passenger door to the cop car and leaned in, pressing his forearm right into Rory's neck. "A kid, a seven year old boy," he pushed harder, causing Rory to choke. "I got you, you hear me. I got you. Sexual abuse on a child that age, you're going away for life." He felt someone grab him and pull him back. It was Benson. Releasing him, he stepped back as he slammed the door shut. "Life," he nearly growled as he kicked the door.

Benson pushed him away, toward the ambulance as she said, "What'd you think you're doing?"

"I didn't hit him."

"But you wanted to," she snapped back.

"No," he said as he turned around and saw the EMTs watching him. "I wanted to kill him." Bobby got into the back and shut one of the doors.

Benson grabbed the other before the EMT could close it. "What hospital?"

"Methodist," the EMT told her.

She gave him a look and sighed, saying, "I'll be right behind you."

Bobby gave a nod, still too angry to say anything, especially in front of the kid. Colton stared over at him and held out his hand. In it was his gold shield. Looking up at the boy, he told him, "Keep it until we get to the hospital."

Colton smiled slightly as he pulled it back to his chest and held onto it with both hands.

* * *

_Major Case Squad_

Alex leaned against the back of the elevator with her arms crossed and watched the numbers ascend up to the eleventh floor. Rogers wouldn't be able to get to the victims until tomorrow so the autopsy results were on hold. There wasn't much she could do now. Forensics so far had come up empty, not a single hair or footprint, or fingerprint was found in that apartment's bedroom. The killer had cleaned up before he left.

She had helped Logan to interview the neighbors; no one heard or saw a thing. They canvassed the area, trying to find someone with a security camera pointed that way. Nada; they didn't have a single lead. Shaking her head in annoyance, she got off the elevator and walked down the hall to the squad room.

Logan was at his desk, the one that used to be Bobby's, flipping through the crime scene photos. "The killer cleaned up."

"I know. There wasn't a single print found in the bedroom, not even ones belonging to the victims."

He tossed the photos down as he looked over at her. "A pro. He's not new to this."

"Or he's watched too many forensic shows," Alex said as she typed in her password into the laptop. "For all we know, he could be a cop."

"Don't say that," Logan said as he leaned back in the chair. "I'm sick of dealing with crooked cops. Anything else from forensics?"

"I didn't say it was, only that it could be." She brought up the system and started searching for similar MO's. "And it's five o'clock on a Sunday night, what'd you think? We're not going to hear back from forensics for at least another day. Prints are easy, they're either there or they're not."

"My, aren't you the snippy one today," Logan said with an attitude as he got up from the desk. "Guess you got pretty hammered last night to be this grumpy."

Alex turned in her chair to face him. "Excuse me."

Logan stopped at the break room door and turned to her saying, "You heard me. You're being bitchy because you're hung over."

Alex got up and followed him; closing the door behind her, she said, "What's your problem."

"I don't have a problem," he said as he bought a soda from the machine.

"I think you calling me a bitch is a problem."

Logan turned around and said, "I didn't say you were a bitch, Eames, I said you were being bitchy. There's a difference. And I could care less if you're hung over. You weren't even supposed to be on call today."

"Then what's with the attitude, Logan?"

"My attitude? What about yours?" he nearly yelled.

The door opened and they looked over to see Captain Deakins staring at the both of them. Pointing at them, he said, "My office...now."

She glared over at Logan as she crossed her arms and follows Deakins to his office. Once they were all inside, door and blinds shut, Alex watched as Deakins paced around. He was out of his suit, ready to go home for the day, and he was rolling a baseball around in his hand.

Alex looked over to Logan who was leaning against the table, waiting. No one spoke for a long time, and then Deakins finally spoke.

"Two months. I've been listening to you two bicker, fight, and get into yelling matches for two months!" Deakins turned to her then looked over at Logan. "It's going to stop, tonight, or I'm reassigning partners. Logan, I'll put you with Barek, and Eames you'll be in charge of the new guy, Stidham." He glared at the both of them before going over to the door saying, "Your choice. Let me know in the morning."

Alex watched as Deakins left the squad room before addressing Logan, "Have fun with Barek."

As she turned to leave, Logan said, "Wait."

She turned back to him and shook her head. "There's nothing you can say, Logan."

Logan walked over to her, saying, "This has nothing to do with the job."

"Just the way I choose to protect my boyfriend."

Logan stared down at her as he said, "You're going to marry him without ever telling him-"

"He doesn't need-"

"You're okay with starting your marriage off with keeping secrets?"

"What's it to you? I'm not marrying you, and you aren't Bobby," she snapped. "You think he doesn't have secrets he's keeping from me? Everybody has secrets, some they share and others they take to their graves. I'm willing to take this to mine. It's not hurting him."

"It will," he countered. "Once he finds out that you've been keeping this from him, it'll kill him, and worse, it'll kill his trust in you." Logan shook his head and moved around her, saying, "But if you can live with it, then go ahead, Eames, do what you want." He opened the door and left the office.

Alex shook her head and went over to her desk; she piled everything into her file, shutdown the laptop, and then left.

* * *

_Special Victims Unit_

It wasn't until after seven when they returned back to the department. Their shift was over so he didn't bother with the paperwork, knowing nothing could be done with it until tomorrow anyway. Looking toward Cragen's office, he didn't see him. Feeling the need course through his body, he paced around as he saw Benson watching him.

"It was a tough case," she told him as she sat down on the edge of her desk. "You were great with Colton. You kept him calm through everything."

"I don't need you to do that," he said as he rubbed his hand over his neck. "And I know it's the job; we see things every day that no one else does. This is it, you know, our lives. But, sometimes, no amount of professionalism is going to keep me from feeling like...like taking my gun out and shooting somebody."

"But we don't," she calmly told him as she walked over to him. "There's nothing else we can do tonight, Bobby. Go home, I'll finish up here."

He stared at her for a moment before giving a nod. "If you see the Captain tonight, tell him to give me a call."

Bobby, weeks ago during a stakeout for their last case, had apologized to Olivia. He'd remembered his behavior, how irritable and dismissive he'd been toward her and her friendship. It was part of the program, making amends. She found out that night that he was in AA, and Cragen was his sponsor. It was best she knew anyway since they were also partners.

She frowned at him as she asked, "You're not going to drink, are you?"

He started walking toward the doors as he told her, "I'm not planning on it, doesn't mean I don't want to."

"Don't go to a bar," she called out.

Bobby waved his hand over his shoulder as he left. He used the stairs, trying to burn off some of his restless energy, and pushed open the doors. Heading down the sidewalk, he stuffed his hands into his pockets and started walking. His car was parked next to the precinct but he didn't feel like driving. He needed to walk, to think, and to try and fight the urge to drown his pain and mind at the bottom of a bottle of really good scotch.

Pulling out his pack of gum, he put one in his mouth, chewed it over a few times, and then spit it out. It wasn't helping. He wanted to smoke, to drink, and to bury everything so deep inside it disappeared into darkness; the darkness that still lived and seethed within the depths of his soul. The more he remembered, the more it grew and threatened to swallow him whole.

But he wasn't willing to surrender to the darkness. He'd given into it for far too long. He'd been living there since he was child, and now as a man he had to find somewhere else to live. The darkness was killing him.

He saw the blue neon sign and walked by it before stopping. Feeling his chest ache, his thoughts running the scene from earlier over and over in his head, he turned back and opened the door. The bar was well lit and scarce of patrons since it was Sunday night. Pulling out a stool, he sat down and rubbed at his head as it throbbed.

Taking a deep breath, he found himself asking for help to no one or thing in particular, just help. He needed the strength to not give in, to not surrender.

"Want would you like?" the bartender asked as he stepped over to him.

Bobby looked up, rubbing at his jaw and scratching at the hair growth. Looking at all the bottles of alcohol and the voice of Colton in his head, he felt his hands start to shake. Then his cell phone vibrated in his pocket. Holding up a finger, he pulled it out and flipped it open, "Goren."

"Are you in a bar?"

He sighed and closed his eyes as he gave a nod into the phone. "Yeah."

Cragen was quiet for a moment before telling him, "I had a case years ago, I'd been sober for four months and feeling pretty good about it. I thought I was over the temptation. I was cocky enough to think that after four months I'd beaten it, beaten my demons, but then Lisa Shea was murdered. She was four years old…It was a tough case. The worst murder scene I think I've ever seen, and it still haunts me even now. See, I could never prove who did it. I know who it was, so did my partner at the time, but the guy wouldn't give it up and we didn't have any solid evidence. But we knew. Every time I think about it, about her, I want to drink. It's been over twenty years and every day I tell myself that I don't want to go back to day one. I can't go back to day one."

Bobby shook his head and banged it on the bar, causing a couple of customers to look over at him. He felt the anguish in him start to break as he said, "He was only seven, Captain."

"And he's one of many," Cragen said. "And you did all you could. You got him out of there; he's going to heal, Bobby. He's going to get better and he's going to grow up. He's resilient, and he will survive. Just like you will." He was quiet for a moment before asking, "Do you want to go back to day one?"

"No," he said as he lifted his head.

"Then leave the bar. Go home to Alex," he told him.

Bobby nodded as he said, "Okay."

"I'll see you in the morning," Cragen said before hanging up.

He snapped his phone shut and put it into his pocket. Rubbing at his head, he heard the bartender ask again if he wanted anything. His voice shook slightly as he asked, "What, uh, non-alcoholic beer do you got?"

"O'Doul's."

Bobby frowned but nodded without saying anything.

The bartender got it for him and as he placed it in front of him, said, "Good for you."

Bobby glanced up at the guy as he took a sip.

"Ten years sober; hang in there, it does get easier," the bartender told him before walking away.

Picking the drink up, Bobby walked over to the jukebox and searched through the selection. He wasn't ready to go home yet. Spotting a song he loved, and had always felt a connection to; he put in some change and pressed the corresponding letter and number for the song choice.

Sitting down at a table, he leaned back and listened. He wasn't sure what the singer/songwriter had in mind when he wrote the song, but right then Bobby felt it was about addiction…his addiction.

"_They're lining up to mad dog your tilt-a-whirl; three shots for a dollar, win a real live doll. All the lies that you tell, I believed them so well."_

Bobby closed his eyes as he thought of all the lies he'd told himself, to others, specifically about his drinking habits. In order to fully overcome his addiction, he knew he had to be completely honest with himself, no matter how much it hurt.

"…_that fearful leap into the dark; I did my time in the jail of your arms…"_

The line always got him. He felt his body shake as he thought that the arms that were confining him against his will belonged to his addiction. And he did his time at the bottom of the bottle, and he was free now. But like any prisoner set free after years and years of being confined, freedom was a scary thing. The freedom was more terrifying than the imprisonment.

"_Do you cry, do you pray? Do you wish them away? Do you still leave nothing but bones in the way?"_

Bobby rubbed at his head as he shook his head at the thoughts running through them. His mind was no longer occupied by Colton, but by his own demons. The ones he prayed and wished would leave him and stay gone. The ones that always seemed to help him ruin every good thing in his life; the demons he wrestled with and yelled out and tried to beat down every time they surfaced. Only this time, he didn't like he was burning his bridges, but building new ones.

"_And just who are you this time? You look rather tired. Are you pretending to love? Well I hear that it pays well. How do your pistol and your Bible and your sleeping pills go? Are you still jumping out of windows in expensive clothes?"_

He downed the rest of the bottle as he got up. If he didn't leave now he was afraid he would go back to zero, day one, and he couldn't have that. He was better than that, because Alex believed he was worth it. And she was going to marry him.

"_You better get down on the floor, don't you know this is war?"_

He sat the empty bottle on the bar as he passed, and thinking that he'd won today's battle with his addiction. The song was right, this was war; and he was planning on winning it.

"_Tell me who are you this time?"_

Bobby pushed open the door as the end of the song drifted out onto the sidewalk with him as he headed back down the sidewalk toward the precinct and to his car.

"_Tell me who are you this time?"_

* * *

_Bobby & Alex's Apartment_

_Greenpoint, Brooklyn_

He was surprised to not see Alex's car when he parked. It was after nine, almost ten, and she wasn't home yet and hadn't called. Bobby got out and grabbed the brown paper bag and went up the steps to his apartment. It was silent inside, Alex's bird wasn't even chirping. Pulling a bottle out of the bag he sat on the table, he walked into the living room and saw Polly eating its food.

Twisting off the cap, he went back into the kitchen and pulled the six-pack out of the bag then opened his back door. Sitting on the steps, he started to drink as he waited for Alex to get home.

He was on his third when the headlights to her car shone up at him as she parked. Bobby watched as Alex got out and hit the button to lock the doors and activate the alarm. She turned around and spotted him. The heaviness he'd seen in her posture, and the sadness in her eyes, eased up as she smiled. Walking up to him, she slid onto his lap as he held his arms open for her.

Burying his face in her neck, he kissed it. "Rough day?"

"Yeah, you?"

He gave a nod as he offered her a bottle of Erdinger Weissbier NA. She twisted the cap off and took a sip. Bobby let her relax into him before inquiring where she'd been, even though he had a pretty good idea. "Where were you?"

"My parents."

"How're they?" he asked as he brought the bottle up to take a sip.

Alex closed her eyes and shook her head. "My mom's blood pressure isn't going down and the strain on her heart and brain is getting worse. They have another appointment tomorrow."

They were afraid of another stroke, one would be irreparable, but her mother's health could also cause a heart attack.

"And what about your dad?"

Alex sighed and shook her head. "He's getting bad. The worry and fear of losing her is slowly killing him. He's drinking more than usual and I'm afraid that when she does go, he's not going to be too far behind her."

Bobby wrapped his arms tighter around her as he felt her start to shake slightly. Alex was strong. The strongest person he'd ever met, but he knew as with himself, it didn't matter how strong a person was, everyone needed help at some point. Alex needed his help just as much as he needed hers.

Rubbing his hand along her leg, he told her, "I had a rough day too. I caught this case of a child…seven year old boy who'd been abused by his step-father. It…it was uh…terrible. I lost my temper with the guy."

Alex looked at him and he saw the question in her eyes.

"I didn't hit him or anything." Bobby finished the third bottle and tossed it into the trash can next to the steps. "I was tempted to drink. I wanted to drink so badly. I uh, I went to a bar down the street. I just, I wanted to drown it, soak the memories in scotch…kill the pain, and to go back to living in denial…"

"But you didn't," Alex said as she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him, "you came home."

He smiled as he kissed her back. "I thought about you, and I knew I couldn't let myself go back to that misery. Drinking kills all the good things…and I'm really starting to love the good things, Alex."

She kissed him again and he felt his body respond vigorously to it. He brought his hands up under her shirt, feeling her soft skin, and his desire grew. Alex worked her tongue into his mouth and ravished it as he cupped a breast and feeling her squirm on top of him.

Breaking the kiss, she told him, "Let's go inside."

Bobby grabbed her and lifted her up with him as he stood. Going into the apartment, he kicked the backdoor shut.

TBC…

P.S. For those curious, the song is "Who Are You" by Tom Waits.


	3. Monday, May 16, 2005

A/N: Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing, it's appreciated. This is a long chapter, but I hope you all enjoy it. It may be awhile before I post the next chapter as I'm now focusing on getting a few more chapters to 'Dogs of War' written. Thanks for your patience.

Enjoy!

* * *

_Bobby & Alex's Apartment_

The air smelt like rain and asphalt as he watched as the light breeze blew in the curtains around the window like some formative dance routine. Ever since the weather got nice enough, warm enough, they've slept with the window open. Tonight was no exception other than the fact that he couldn't sleep. He'd dozed for almost an hour after they'd made love, but awoken when the rain started. That had been nearly two hours ago.

There was too much to think about that his mind just wouldn't shut off. There was the case, the boy, Alex and the wedding, his mother…Then there were his own memories that were slowly coming back to him. It'd been two months and yet he was still rediscovering bits and pieces of his life. Some things he was happy about, like remembering his Army days and befriending his mentor, Declan. He'd have to give the man a call. Then there were the things that worried him deeply, like memories of his dad, his brother…

Sighing, he turned his heavy eyes away from the window and stared at the ceiling. Alex was sprawled against his left side and using his left shoulder as a pillow. His arm was completely numb under her weight. He didn't care. It wasn't the first time and he smiled when he thought that it also wouldn't be the last.

Across the ceiling there was a reddish orange light streaming across it from the light outside, and he could see the shadows of the curtains flowing across the ceiling. Then another shadow joined but was solid and stayed. Looking over, he saw the source. A small kitten had jumped up onto the windowsill to get out of the rain. It sat still, staring out into the dark night, and waited.

Bobby watched the kitten for a moment before adjusting his arm from under Alex's body. He got it free and withheld a groan as it started to tingle and ache as his blood started to circulate once again. Getting up, he headed down the hallway and through the living room into the kitchen. Rummaging through the cabinets, he found the can of tuna and opened it. Going back into the bedroom, he went slowly over to the window so not to frighten the kitten and placed the can on the windowsill.

The kitten pounced over to it and hastily started to eat. Kneeling down, he petted over the kitten's wet fur and smiled slightly when it started to purr. It wasn't long, only a couple of seconds, and he started to feel the inching in his throat and stuffiness in his nose. He got up and went to the bathroom where he washed his hands and took an allergy pill. Maybe the medication would help him get some sleep too.

He got back into bed and rested his left arm over his head, staring over at the kitten that was now licking its paws and cleaning its face. Alex shifted next to him, getting close as she draped her arm over him.

"You should take an allergy pill," she mumbled into his chest before kissing it.

He smiled. "I already did." Rolling onto his side, he pulled her close as he said, "I didn't wake you did I?"

"No," she said with a sigh. "I've been awake for a while. I didn't realize you were awake too until you got up."

"Why can't you sleep?" he asked as he lightly caressed over her back. She was doing the same to him and it felt amazing. His entire back was tingling.

Alex was quiet and he thought that maybe she was troubled by something he'd done. Then he thought that maybe she was having second thoughts. But, she reassured him when she finally told him, "Its work related."

"Does it have anything to do with Mike?"

She looked up at him and shook her head. "You've noticed."

"How could I not?" Bobby brought his hand up and lightly tilted her head up. He leaned forward and kissed her. Breaking the kiss, he said, "You can tell me."

She was quiet again as she closed her eyes and wrapped her arm around him tighter. "We've been having a hard time lately as partners. Deakins threatened to split us up as partners today if we don't resolve our issues."

"And neither one of you are willing to back down," he said as he thought of both Alex's and Mike's stubbornness. "You don't want to lose him as a partner?"

"No, but…" she trailed off and shook her head. "It's not that easy."

Bobby thought about that for a moment as he rolled onto his back. Alex moved with him and nearly climbed on top of him. That put his mind on hold as he felt her adjust her leg in-between his. Trying to settle the sudden ache that was increasing in his groin, he let out a deep breath as he told her, "Talk it out with him. Why don't you leave early and stop by his apartment before work?"

Alex started to trail her fingers over his chest and his eyes snapped close as she placed a kiss against his neck. "I could do that."

He almost missed her say that as he was focused on the feel on her hand going lower, down to his stomach.

"So, what about you?"

Bobby shook out a breath as he said, "Uh, me…what?"

Alex chuckled against his chest as she stopped moving her hand. He groaned. "Why can't you sleep?"

"Oh, uh…Just thinking about the kid and everything. I'm, uh, I'm remembering some things and that's got me thinking too."

"Things like what?" she asked as she kissed over his chest. That definitely wasn't helping him to concentrate on the answer to that question.

"Do you want to talk or have sex? We can't do both," he said as he Alex's hand started to move over his skin again.

"Yes we can," she told him as she moved her hand up to his head as she kissed him deeply while running her fingers through his hair.

Once he could breathe again, he told her, "I forgot the question."

Alex smiled at him as she caressed over his stomach again, but keeping her hand strategically away from where he wanted it to be. "What things are you remembering?"

Leaning up, he caught her lips in a kiss before saying, "The many, many times we've had sex."

Alex laughed as she pushed him back down. "Now I know you're lying."

Bobby sighed as he stared up into her dark eyes. It was so dark in the room he couldn't see the sparkle in them, just the darkness. "Just things, about my life, family, that's all…now, I'm done talking." He grabbed her hand that was playing with the hair on his chest and guided it between his legs.

He could feel how wet she was against his leg as she wrapped her hand around him. His eyes slid close as his breath hitched. She started kissing him again, over his lips, then neck and down to his chest. She was killing him so slowly and he loved every painfully good second of it. When his impatience got the best of him as his heart hammered in his chest, he rolled them over, pinned her to the bed, and entered her.

After he came, and his body stopped shaking, he rolled to the side and took a deep breath as he stared at the ceiling. He felt he'd spent and was ready to finally sleep as he closed his eyes. Alex covered him again, and he felt her heart beating against his chest.

Letting out a breath, he sleepily told her, "I'm goin' to sleep."

"Okay."

Telling her that he loved her was the last thing he remembered before waking hours later when the alarm went off. He reached over and turned it off without even lifting his head up. Shifting in the bed, his body, especially his back, felt stiff. His muscles were aching from where he'd been kicked the day before by the irate woman.

Not wanting to start off his day with those thoughts running through his head, he pushed them away as he sat up in bed. He heard cars driving by and air-breaks from buses, and looked over at the open window. The empty can of tuna was still there but not the kitten. Getting up, he grabbed the can and shut the window. He threw the can away in the bathroom trash as he started the water for a shower.

It didn't take him long to get cleaned and shaven, but Alex was trying to rush him out of the bathroom as she walked in and proceeded to brush her teeth while he picked up the electric razor. Then she jumped in the shower as he cleaned his face and patted on the aftershave.

"I made coffee," she yelled out him as he left the bathroom.

He could smell the coffee drifting down the hallway as he went back into the bedroom to dress. As he thumbed through the suits he'd recently had dry cleaned, he remembered he had to pick up the clothes he'd dropped off in Rockaway yesterday. He would do that after work, he told himself as he tossed a suit on the bed and grabbed a tie off the back of the closet door. By the time he was tying the tie around his neck, Alex was out of the shower and rubbing lotion all over her body. It was very distracting as his eyes drifted over to her. She was leaning over, rubbing lotion over her perfectly toned calf and thigh of her left leg. The towel she had wrapped around her upper body was partly open, and he found himself staring at her until she looked up at him and blushed.

"Liking what you see?"

"Every time I look at you," he said as he passed by her, but stopped to give her a kiss before heading down the hall.

He opened the front door and grabbed the paper off the stoop before shutting it and relocking it. As he walked through the living room, he spotted something move out of the corner of his eye. Jerking his head over, he went to take action when he saw what was moving over the back of the couch. It was the kitten.

Bobby stared at it as it stared right back at him and then meowed. Letting out a sigh, he shook his head and muttered, "Just great. Alex!"

"What?!" she yelled from the bedroom.

"Come here!" he yelled back.

Seconds later she walked around the corner and glared at him. "What're you-" she trailed off as she saw the kitten on the back of the couch. Turning to him, she said, "Nice, Bobby. You fed the little fur ball and now it's going to eat my bird."

He smirked as he said, "Your bird is in a cage. It's not going to eat it."

"Her, my bird's a she."

"Still." He looked back at the kitten; it had dark brown eyes and was solid black with the only white patches on its chest and paws. "I noticed last night that he's been declawed; someone owns, or did own, this kitten."

"Great, you make the posters and I'll gladly help you put them up."

Bobby stared at the small kitten that seemed to know that he was its only ally in that house. Alex wasn't a cat person. She didn't hate them it just was she wasn't too fond of them. She loved dogs, but with their work schedule, it was easier to take care of a self-reliant animal, like a bird. Cats were also self-reliant…mostly. He, however, never minded any type of animal. They never had any pets when he was a kid aside from the occasional stray he would come across and try to keep. It never happened. "Okay," he said as he walked over to the kitten. Despite his allergies, he picked it up and held it up, checking its gender, saying, "But if we can't find the owner, I'm keeping him. "

Alex smiled and shook her head at him. She then looked at the kitten and sighed, saying, "If we don't find the ten year old this cat ran away from, he's all yours."

"How'd you know it was a ten year old?" he mockingly asked as he carried the kitten with him into the kitchen. "Could be a forty year old with twenty of them, and in that case, I'm definitely keeping him."

Alex told him that she would make breakfast that morning, so as he sat at the table drinking a cup of coffee and playing with the kitten, he thought about what to do with it while at work. They didn't have anything, not a litter box or toys. "Do cats need toys?"

"They have toys, scratch posts…I thought you dated a cat lady."

"I did, but…I don't remember anything about the apartment or what the cats did. I just know I dated a woman with cats. Lola, right?"

"Yeah," Alex said as she flipped an omelet over in the skillet. Looking over at him, she said, "You don't remember past girlfriends?"

He barely shook his head as he started laughing when the kitten did a backflip when it tried to jump up to the table. "Not too much, no," he said as he went to push the kitten away as he charged toward his leg. The kitten skidded across the floor and came running right back. "He's very playful."

"Unless you want to clean up after him when you get home from work, you should put him in the bathroom with newspapers on the floor."

"I was just thinking that," he said as he looked up and saw Alex putting an omelet onto a plate. He got another can of tuna out but only dished out half of it for the kitten. Carrying it out of the kitchen and toward the bathroom, the kitten chased after him.

Before he left he also put in a bowl of both water and milk, not really sure with was best, and then shut the door. As he grabbed his shield and binder off the counter, Alex was watching him with a smirk on her face. "What?"

"You're not going to make posters, are you?"

"I…uh…"

"That's what I thought. Better think of a name, and be prepared to dish out some money on shots and getting him neutered."

"So it's a yes," he said as they headed out into the humid morning air.

"It's not like I have a choice. You looked like a kid on Christmas morning playing with that fur ball," she said as she headed to her car while he headed to his.

"Good luck with talking to Mike," he called out over the roof of his car to her. "I hope you two work it out."

Alex gave him a soft smile, like she wasn't telling him everything, before walking his car to give him a kiss. "Love you."

"I love you too; and be careful," he told her before getting into his car. He hit the button to put the roof down on the convertible after starting it.

Giving a wave, he backed up and headed toward the city. Alex wasn't far behind him. She practiced her tailing skills as she followed him the whole way until they had to go their separate ways once off the bridge as the sun finally peeked over the horizon.

* * *

_Mike Logan's Apartment_

_Lower East Side, Manhattan_

Alex knew that she and Logan had to have a serious talk. They haven't been able to do that at work; it was too easy to get distracted by the aspects of a case or to ignore the elephant in the room in favor of doing the job. So, when Bobby suggested that she should go over to his place, she agreed. Walking up to the second floor of the four story walk-up, she pounded on his door and steadied her nerves. She had her partner's morning ritual down and knew he would still be home. Unlike her, Logan didn't have much of a commute to get to One Police Plaza.

She saw the light behind the peephole disappear and heard the lock turn and chain hit the door. Logan looked like hell when he opened the door and she wondered briefly if he'd been tossing and turning all night too.

From the apologetic look on his unshaven face, she knew that he had. He opened the door further to let her in and then shut it. She smelt coffee but didn't hear any noises in the apartment.

"If you want to talk, mind if we do it over a cup of coffee," Logan asked as he headed toward the kitchen.

She gave a nod and followed.

Logan filled a cup for her and then one for himself. Alex looked around as she blew on it and took a sip. There was a container with sugar in it on the counter and Mike grabbed it, putting it on the table for her.

"Denise still asleep?"

"She didn't stay last night," he said as he sat down at the table. "We got into it and she went home. Guess I managed to piss off every woman I know yesterday."

Alex saw the grief on his face and knew he was troubled, but so was she. Sitting down across from him, she said, "We agreed two months ago that I'm going to be the one to tell Bobby. That means it's also my decision when I tell him."

Logan looked up at her as he rubbed the stubble on his chin. "That's why I haven't said anything to him my damn self. I've had so many opportunities, and believe me I wanted to, but all I could think of was you never speaking to me again. You asked me not to, to let you handle it, and I've done that."

Alex nodded as she stared over at him. "Yet you can't let it go," she accused him. "If you want to stay my partner, you have to tell me why you're so adamant about Bobby knowing? Nothing good can come of this, Mike. And if you've somehow forgotten, Bobby said he didn't want to know. So if you respect me enough to let me handle it, then why can't you respect Bobby for not wanting to know?"

Logan looked away from her as he stared down into his cup of coffee. His anger over this whole thing was confusing her. She didn't know why he couldn't leave it alone. "You're scared."

"What?"

He stared over at her as he said, "You think he'll break if he knew. You think he'll go back to the way he was before. That he'll start drinking again, that he'll be angry all the time, and-"

"Of course I'm afraid for him," she said, cutting him off. "He's recovering and doesn't need a hindrance."

"The job is a constant hindrance," he nearly snapped. "Life is a hindrance. And you can't protect him from life. For fuck's sake, Alex, he's a grown man, not a child. He's the most intelligent person I've ever met, and you think by telling him that he might be the biological product of Mark Ford Brady that he'll lose it, or what? Because I don't know. Worst case scenario is that he'll wonder how and get all quiet for a day, but he won't suddenly go jump off a cliff. I mean, shit, if he's that delicate, if he's that fragile minded he shouldn't be a cop. He doesn't need to be handled with kiddie gloves."

"I never said he did."

"Then stop trying to protect him from the truth. If he can't logically say to himself that it doesn't matter, that his dad is still his dad and his mother his mother, something that even a child can do than maybe he is crazy. And yes, I would think that because no one in their right mind would actually think that it suddenly made them, or turned them into, someone they're not, especially Goren. He understands this type of psycho-babble shit better than anyone."

Alex shook her head in frustration; she was starting to feel pressured, like she wasn't getting her point across at all. "It's not about whether he can handle it-"

"Yes it is, because you obviously think you have to keep this-"

"It doesn't even need to be addressed or brought up. He doesn't want to know," she stressed. "I'm respecting his wishes."

"He should," he told her softly as he returned to focusing on his coffee. "He should want to know; I know I would. He would if he was the same, but he's not. You know it and so do I. I'm not even saying it's a bad change either. He's a great guy, but I'd rather have a drinking Bobby with anger issues than a Bobby who doesn't care about his own mother, or who doesn't care to know."

Alex knew Logan was right in saying that; normally, Bobby would want to know, but he still wasn't a hundred percent himself.

Logan calmed down as he sat quiet for a moment, taking gulps of his coffee while she barely touched hers. "And you could be wrong; there is something good that can come from him knowing," he said. "He might talk to his mother again."

She stared at him in confusion, not understanding how this had to do with Bobby's mother.

"Think about it," Logan said, "I know I have, and I don't even know why. This isn't my problem, and I never wanted it to be. I'm not responsible for Bobby, but I can't help but notice that he's not acting completely right. And it makes me think, why? Why would he suddenly stop talking to his mom? Then I think, if I were him, and I thought my mother was just another adulterer like my wayward father, if my whole image of her was changed, would I be bitter? Would I stop talking to her? You bet your ass I would. And if you think Bobby's not a spiteful person, you don't know him very well. All you have to do is mention his dad and you can see the spite."

Alex thought about that as she finally started gulping down the coffee. She was still frustrated with Logan, but she also told herself that they had to resolve this, and part of that was listening. She was treating this conversation like she would an interview. Taking it all in and listening more than speaking, and when she had a question or needed something clarified, then she would ask. What he'd just said made her rethink and reconsider why she thought Bobby was ignoring his mother.

Bobby had told her why, but she wasn't sure if it was the whole truth. He could have kept it from her that he felt betrayed and angry with his mom. That he was, in fact, doing it partly out of spite. She wouldn't be too surprised come to think of it. She didn't know if Bobby remembered, but she remembered what he'd told her months ago when they got back together after their separation. She remembered the pain she felt for him when she discovered that Bobby did hold a shameful bitterness toward his mother.

Logan downed the rest of the coffee in his cup and got up. As he refilled the cup, he said, "I can't believe I'm dwelling over this shit. I'm the one who shouldn't care."

"You're just thinking like a cop. You see something wrong and you want to figure it out, and to fix it, and you and Bobby are friends."

Logan huffed out a laugh, saying, "Yeah? Tell him that."

"I didn't think I had to. Did something happen?"

Logan shook his head but said, "At the bar, after our meeting in the hallway, he threatened to break my face if I'd ruined the day for you."

Alex's face wrinkled into confusion as she thought back to that day. She remembered Bobby asking if she was okay, if Mike had upset her. Now she knew why.

"And the way he said it, I know it wasn't an empty threat." Logan grabbed a bagel and offered it to her.

Alex took it with a soft mutter of "thanks," as she continued to wonder about her fiancée. That was a word she definitely wasn't used to saying in reference to Bobby. It still amazed her that they were getting married.

Logan sat a tub of cream cheese between them and a plate and knife for her. "He will find out, one way or another, Alex. And when he finds out you knew, and didn't trust him enough to tell him, I think he'll have a serious problem with that." Sitting down, he started preparing the bagel, saying, "Another good thing that might come out of this is family. Brady was a serial rapist aside from being a killer. I wouldn't be surprised if Bobby has siblings out there, ones better than his brother Frank, better than Caleb. Hell, for all we know he could be an Uncle. Many children are products of rape, but who knows, maybe Brady had a girlfriend and it was consensual. There could be someone out there in the world right now trying to find others who have the same father as him or her. Bobby could be that other that they're looking for."

Alex never thought of anything like that; all she could think of was Bobby going back to the way he was before. Then it hit her again that he wasn't like he had been; he had changed and was still changing. The Bobby she was with before never would've gotten down on one knee and proposed marriage. He never would've taken in a stray kitten either. He was more open with changes than he'd ever been; more willing to be happy and not taking things for granted. But more importantly, he was more willing to trust. She believed he trusted her more now than ever. It was one of the reasons he was marrying her.

And she was keeping secrets.

"Anyway," Logan said, "besides all of what I just said, he deserves to know what we know concerning his family, and that's all there is to it. It's his life, Alex, his family, not ours, and he should be the one to decide if he wants to pursue it further. Like we've both said many times before, it's not proven that Brady is his biological father, so for all we know you're trying to protect him from scratching the name off the list. As for respecting his wishes, if we had nothing I would respect them. I wouldn't ask him to run his DNA for possibilities. The thing is we do have something. We have a name, and that's all we're giving him. A name."

"So, you want me to go up to him and say, oh, by the way, your father could be a serial killer," she said in annoyance. She was more annoyed with the fact that Logan was getting through to her.

Logan smirked and said, "You've gotta use more tact than that." He took a sip of his coffee then asked, "So, am I still your partner?"

Alex took a bite of the bagel and said, "If you weren't, I wouldn't be eating your food. I can't even believe I'm still hungry. I ate breakfast before I left."

Logan huffed out a laugh as he said, "Maybe you're pregnant too."

Alex stared at him and then a fear crept up inside of her. "Don't even say that."

"I was kidding," he defended but he must have noticed the look on her face. "I didn't mean to make you freak out."

Alex shook her head at him as she took a sip of the coffee and chewed the bagel. She wouldn't be able to let it go now until she did take a test. Just great, she sighed as tore off a piece of bagel and threw it at him.

Logan laughed, and then asked, "Are you going to tell him?"

She took a breath and gave a nod. "I guess I have no choice. This not telling him thing has been hard, but I just couldn't see anything positive coming from it. You make a good point. His family isn't ideal and his siblings are a nightmare. If he finds something good out of this, a family member that's actually good, and decent, and sane, than that would be great."

Logan finished the bagel he'd been eating and downed the rest of his second cup. "And if not, you can say I told you so."

"No, I'm going to make you plead for mercy."

Once she finished eating, she told Logan she would meet him at work and left the apartment.

She went down to her car and headed to the nearest store where she bought a pregnancy test. It was the second time she had to take one of these since being with Bobby. The first time had been terrifying, and as she paid the cashier at the counter, she felt it again. She was absolutely terrified, but she wasn't sure if it was from fear or anticipation. She put the test in her purse and thought about her birth control pills. She'd been taking them, but she'd been warned and heard about women still getting pregnant while on the pill. They weren't a hundred percent full proof, and Bobby never wore a condom. He didn't even buy them anymore.

Shaking the paranoia away, and feeling silly for even jumping to conclusions and thinking of who to blame, she told herself that it was just a snide joke from Logan that set her off. Not a real scare like last time. She wasn't due for another three weeks, so it wasn't like she was late or anything. For all she knew, this was nothing but a need to get it out of her head.

Once she got to work, she would do the test. Then she'd be able to continue on with the rest of her day.

* * *

_Methodist Hospital_

_Harlem_

The night before he wasn't able to get a full statement from Colton regarding the rape for several reasons: the kid had been too traumatized, and there was no representative from Child Services to be a witness to the interview. So, he had decided to wait until today to talk to the boy. He'd done these types of interviews with Major Case, and even a few as a patrol cop and Narcotics detective, but always as a byproduct of another investigation.

There was a reason Special Victim's was a completely voluntary unit. The cases they had to deal with day-in and day-out were the worst. He'd take a murder investigation over a rape of a seven year old any day of the week. However, unlike a murder, a rape victim was still alive. They could overcome the monstrous acts committed against them and continue on with life, and knowing that was the only thing keeping him from quitting the unit.

He'd thought long and hard once he was reinstated about whether or not he wanted to stay with Special Victim's or return to Major Case. He had volunteered himself for the unit during the Caleb Cunningham case and thought that once it was over he would return to Major Case. But now, he wasn't sure what his ambitions were.

He was still discovering parts of himself, and with those discoveries he was asking himself some pretty tough questions. He had to make changes in his life if he wanted to successfully beat not only his addictions but to overcome all the trials he'd been through in his life. He'd made a major change in himself and his life when he proposed to Alex. That was something he'd never expected he would ever do. Now he was questioning his job, and what he wanted out of his job. He was questioning what made him happy, and what gave him the most satisfaction.

Yeah, it was tough, working these types of cases. They were stressful not only mentally but emotionally. It was easier to keep his emotions as bay over a murder case. But to see the anger, the fears, and the pain in a child who'd been assaulted in the worst way imaginable, that was hard. He didn't have a child, but he didn't need to be a father to feel like the only thing worth doing in his life was to protect not only the life of a child but the innocence of that child as well. It was the reason why he'd lost it with Rory Collins. His only thought was protecting Colton, and that had set his anger off, made him lose his temper.

Maybe that was why he was still with the unit. There was nothing more admirable in his mind than taking down the worst of the worst. People who hurt children.

Bobby entered the ICU room and smiled at the little boy who was sitting up in bed and using a blue crayon to color a picture. "Morning, Colton. How're you feeling?"

"Fine," the boy said with a huge smile on his face. "I got ice cream for breakfast."

Bobby chuckled at that as he grabbed a chair and pulled it over to the side of the bed. "Ice cream. What kind?"

"Vanilla, with sprinkles," he said as with wide enthusiastic eyes.

It hadn't even been a whole 24 hours yet and Colton was already making progress. Bobby hoped that meant this was the first incident,; the boy didn't seem like he'd suffered for years or even months. Maybe they prevented this early. Still, once was too many times, but it was better than multiple. Better than years.

He gave a nod as the door opened and the Child Services rep walked in. She was a young woman, dressed professional, and she was in a happy mood. Bobby got up and shook her hand, thanking her for coming. "I'm Detective Robert Goren."

"Rebecca Gates," she told him. "I'll let you conduct this interview as long as it's okay with Colton here, but if he starts getting angry or-"

"I'll stop the questioning," he told her as he sat back down. "My purpose here isn't too upset him any further, I promise you that, Miss Gates. In fact, he doesn't' even need to talk. I have two pictures I can show him and all he has to do is point to the person who hurt him." Turning to Colton, Bobby asked, "Is that okay? Can I show you some pictures, Colton?"

He stopped coloring as he nodded his head. Taking the construction paper off the tray table, he handed it out to him, saying, "I show you a picture. I made it for you."

Bobby had been going through his binder when Colton held the picture out. He stilled as he looked at the picture and took it from him. At seeing what Colton had drawn, he smiled. It was a picture of three people: a police officer holding a badge, offering it to a little boy who was sad. The third person in the picture, guarding over the both of them, was Batman. The drawing was actually really good; the boy had skills. "I love it. Uh, thank you."

Colton lounged back on the bed with a smile before muffling a yawn. Bobby figured the kid was still on some pain meds. "I know who hurt me," he suddenly said with a determination that Bobby had never seen in such a young victim.

Sitting forward, Bobby nodded as he waited for him to tell him.

Colton looked over at the Child Service's rep as he started to cry silently. Reaching up, he rubbed at his eyes as he said, "Both of 'em."

Bobby felt his stomach ache as he heard that soft declaration. To clarify for the record, he had to ask, "Both…your mom and step-dad hurt you?"

Colton nodded as he started to shake. "My mommy don't love me no more. She told me…"

His heart broke at those painful words as the boy collapsed in front of his eyes. The sheer pain and grief nearly killed him as he got up and pulled the boy into his arms. Colton cried harder as he wrapped his tiny arms around him.

Looking over at Gates, Bobby saw her giving him a nod as she walked to the far side of the room and pulled out her cell phone. It felt like they held each other for hours, but it was only a couple of minutes. Colton grew exhausted after letting his grief out and when he eased him down into the bed, the boy fell right to sleep.

Bobby put the picture in his binder and got up to follow Gates out of the room. Once in the hallway, he rubbed at his head and eyes. "What, uh…what now?"

"Now, we take him into custody and put him in foster care. There's a guardian house with several other abused boys and girls that he'll probably be placed in. The rest is up to you guys and the courts."

He looked back through the window and at the boy lying in the bed. He got Colton out of that house and it felt great, but to think of him being put in foster care didn't sit right with him. There could be relatives somewhere, grandparents, aunts or uncles. "How about extended family?"

"We're looking but as of now," she gave a shrug. "Desiree's family is from Philly, but all she has is a mother who's been charged with drug possession. Her father's in prison for robbery. Rory, his family's in Louisiana. No parents but cousins and a brother. They aren't ideal either. Bad roots all around. I hope this kid gets a chance to change that."

Bobby looked over at her as he said, "It doesn't matter where you come from, it only matters who you become, the choices you make…He has more than a fighting chance."

"Let's hope," she said as she started to walk away. "I'm going to stay. The doctors said he's looking good, no infections or STD's. He'll be released this afternoon."

"What time?"

She shook her head and shrugged.

He pulled out his card and handed it to her, saying, "Let me know when, uh…I'd like to know his progress, keep in touch."

She smiled at him as she took the card. "You know, we have a youth program. It's something like the Boys and Girls Club, but it's our own sponsored program. I'm sure Colton will be place in it. You could volunteer."

Bobby thought about that and felt himself smiling. "I think I'd like that. I'll come by uh…this weekend to check it out."

"Great," she smiled as she took out her own card and turned it over. She wrote a number down and handed it to him. "In case you have more questions and can't get a hold of me at the office."

Bobby looked at the number and then at the young woman. He wasn't sure if she was coming onto him or genuinely being supportive, but he felt himself he had to make that clear. Not wanting to offend her in anyway, he said, "Uh…thanks. Um, I want you to know that I'm only interested in this program," he gave her a pointed look. "I don't know if you're uh…interested in me…"

She realized what he was asking and went a little red before laughing and shaking her head. "I'm not going to lie and say that you're not cute, but I didn't write my number down to get a late night phone call. I'm with someone."

Relaxing, Bobby smiled. "Great. So am I, I'm actually about to get married so…"

She congratulated him before wishing him luck. "And I'll see you this weekend."

Bobby put her card in his binder as he stared to walk away. "Okay, uh…see you later." He headed out of the hospital and pulled out his cell phone to call Benson to give her an update.

* * *

_Major Case Squad_

At eight-fifty seven that morning, they got a call from a city park official that they might have footage of their suspect. They had recently installed a security camera system in Jefferson Park but at first didn't think it held anything important since it wasn't focused on the apartment buildings across the street. The cameras were focused on the grounds and the gate.

"You're suspect could've made a short cut through the park," the official told her over the phone. "So I went back to check footage of the times around TOD. I think I have him."

Alex had gone to the park's security office and met with City Park officer Ryan Norris and collected the footage. She had copies sent directly to the emails of their forensic A/V techs and to both her and Logan's email, as well as taking the hard copy of the security data DVD it was recorded on. Getting back to 1PP, they went over the footage second by second, frame by frame, and captured as many still shots of the suspect as possible.

"I don't want this going public yet," Deakins said. "This is only for our eyes only, not the media. Is that clear? We'll get a BOLO out and APB's to all the patrols and state police. Let's catch this mutt before he kills again."

Alex watched as Deakins headed out of the squad room, on his way to a meeting with the Chief of D's, Chief Yarrow, and the Police Commissioner himself, Lyle Morris. She didn't envy her Captain at all. At least they had a picture of the suspect. Having a name would be better, so she went over to her laptop and got started on trying to ID the man through MO's, facial features, possible height and weight that they could gather from the photos.

"We could get permission to send this to the FBI or Homeland Security," Logan said, "They have facial recognition programs that might be able to help."

"You're assuming this guy is in the system."

"So are you," he said as he looked over at her. "Or else you wouldn't be looking for similar MO's. I don't know, but I've got a feeling this guy isn't in the system. There's no way we missed this guy if he was on our radar. He's been flying so low under it, he doesn't exist."

Alex frowned as that worried her. Logan could be right. This guy could be new, and never been arrested before. If that was the case, then this was going to be hard to solve. And with that, more bodies. "He didn't just start killing. Serials work their way up to it." She tried to remember things Bobby had taught her over the years about the progression of serial killers. "I'm going to start with the beginning markers of future serials, as Goren would say. Physical and sexual assault on women, indecent exposure, stalking…and who knows, we might get lucky."

Logan nodded as he started his own search. He wasn't a laptop kind –of guy; he preferred doing things the old fashion way. He took copies of the photos they had and got up. "I'm going grab a couple of uniforms and go show these around the park and neighborhood. I bet this guy stakeout the apartment. Someone could've seen him sitting on a bench, in a car, or in a diner. Maybe he bought a coffee or water from a vendor."

"Good luck," she told him as she searched through mug-shots of convicted stalkers over the past ten years who fit the description she had. This was going to take all day.

* * *

_Special Victim's Unit_

ADA Casey Novak was fluming as she squared off with Captain Cragen. "It isn't my fault that Mr. Collins got bail and his lawyer is threatening to get the charges dropped due to police brutality. Your detective assaulted him."

Bobby frowned as he sat in the chair and listened to her go off. "I didn't assault him," he defended himself as calmly as he could.

Novak turned to him and crossed her arms, saying, "What'd you call strangling the guy?"

"I didn't-" he cut himself off before he started yelling. "I could've gotten extremely close to the man, but-"

"Save it, Goren," Cragen snapped as he glared hard at him. "I've already gotten your statement as well as Benson's and the officers on scene, hell, I even got the EMT's to write a statement. They all said the same thing; that Detective Goren got physically close to Mr. Collins, applied pressure to his neck using his forearm, but didn't hit him, nor did he use his hands to afflict physical harm. He kicked at the door after closing it, but that was it."

Novak sighed in annoyance and said, "And that was enough to raise the question if whether or not the charges against Mr. Collins should be dropped. His lawyer is filing to have that happen right now as we speak. He'll take it to a Judge and in the next couple of days, we'll have our answer." She turned around and left the office, leaving him alone with the Captain.

Bobby stared at the floor before rubbing at his face and head.

"Don't worry about it," Cragen told him. "Get back to work."

He got up and went to leave when he stopped himself. Turning to face his Captain, he asked, "How can I not worry about this?"

Cragen looked upset but not at him, but with the circumstances. He shook his head and told him, "You can't, but you have nothing to worry from me or the judgment of this department. Believe me, you're not the first detective of mine to lose it with a suspect, and you won't be the last. You didn't hit him, but I know a detective who has in the past hit a suspect and he's still here."

Bobby nodded as he thought about who, but it wasn't that big of a mystery. "Stabler?"

Cragen sat down and opened a file. "You got it. Now, back to work. I want you to get everything you can on Collins. In case they do drop the charges, I want you to come back swinging."

"Yes, sir," Bobby said as he left the office.

Benson was at his desk, waiting for the verdict. "Well?"

"We're to get everything we can on Collins. Let's bury this guy."

She smiled and jumped up, saying, "Gladly, I'll get the shovel." Benson went ot her desk and got to work on her laptop, trying to get anything she can on Collins including past convictions and associates, and previous residences. Anything she could find.

Bobby knew that pedophiles didn't commit this type of crime once. There could be other victims who hadn't come forward; they just had to find them. "You check New York," he called out to her. "I'll contact New Orleans PD; Collins lived there for fourteen years until he moved here five years ago. He could've left because of accusations of child abuse."

He worked the phones for the better part of the day; talking to various police departments and officials in New Orleans and through parts of Louisiana. Bobby wrote everything down and even had reports faxed and emailed. There had been complaints, suspicious reports filed by residence that Collins was a suspected pedophile. Nothing was proven but there were names of potential victims and ex-girlfriends who made a complaint only to deny the charges later.

Collins left the state after he was picked up for a DUI. He never appeared for his day in court so a bench warrant was put out for his arrest. However, bench warrants didn't cross state lines and no one sent out the Marshall's for DUI convictions.

They could extradite Collins to New Orleans; let him go to jail for the DUI and skipping his hearing, but he'd be back on the streets in months, a year at best. It wasn't enough. Bobby heard the door open to the Cragen's office and turned around.

Cragen walked out and got the attention of the whole squad room. "As you all know, Police Commissioner Lyle Morris has resigned. I've just been informed that his replacement has been announced. It will be First Deputy Commissioner William Ganci. Ceremony will be this Saturday. Those of you who aren't working a case will be there in their blues." He held up a sheet of paper and started to read off names, "Unless you are working, those who are required to attend are: Garcia, Bucca, Mitchell, O'Hagen, DeAngelis, Fin, Munch, Benson, and Goren. Even if you're on call, you will still show up. The names who I did not call, I know that you're either in the middle of a case and have stakeouts planned for Saturday, or you had to work over the weekend while we were all enjoying a day in the park. And before you start bitching, I know you're all hoping for a case to suddenly break, but just remember that if I have to suffer, so do all of you."

Bobby sighed and stared over at Benson who smirked at his annoyance. He didn't want to go, and maybe with this case he would be unable to attend. He doubted it though. Once Cragen went back into his office, an array of snide comments and complaints about having to go filled the unit.

Taking out his cell, he sent Alex a text. Minutes later, she responded. "Looks like we've got a date night with the Commissioner," she wrote.

At least he wasn't the only one going. And Alex being there would brighten his mood. Bobby put his phone back in his pocket as he went back to focusing on his case.

* * *

_Basement of Lady of Lord's Catholic Church_

_Chelsea, Manhattan_

The room felt stuffier than usual; probably due to the increasing temperature outside and the fact that there was no A/C in the basement. There were fans. He could hear them swirling above him, feeling the faint whiff of air hit him every few seconds. Then there was the bad coffee. It wasn't descent. Not even slightly. It tasted bitter even with the powder creamer mixed into it. And as he downed it, the only thing he could think of was how he'd never drink a glass of Glenlivet Scotch again.

The fact that that thought was painful, that it physically hurt, let him know how bad his addiction had been. He didn't think non-alcoholics got physically ill at the thought of never drinking again. Bobby sat the empty paper cup down as he glanced up. It was quiet today. Nobody wanted to get the ball rolling.

Looking over at Cragen, he saw his Captain looking at him. Bobby knew he wanted him to talk, especially since with what happened yesterday. So, taking a breath, he spoke, "Uh, everyone here knows me as Robert. It's my name, but…it's very formal. My friends and family, they call me Bobby. I guess, now since I'm getting to know everyone here better and you me, you can start calling me Bobby as well."

"Hey, hey, Bob-by," Dave said in a thick Brooklyn accent from the chair across from him, causing everyone to smile and chuckle.

Bobby smiled as well. He and Dave talked a lot. "Anyway, uh, it's been sixty-six days since...I've been sober for sixty-six days. I think that's the longest I've been without a drink as an adult, since I was eighteen and in boot camp." He heard soft chuckling around the room; everyone there knew what he knew, the truth in a statement like that. "And so far, it hasn't gotten easier; I hope one day it does, but...But yesterday, I saw something that nearly broke me. With uh, with my job," he said, trying to keep it vague because no one beside Cragen of course knew he was a cop, "I see a lot of bad...the worst of humanity, actually, and, uh...it can get to you." Bobby glanced up from staring at the floor. He looked at the other men and women, Cragen included, and nodded, saying, "I was tempted, and I know it'll happen again...either tonight, or tomorrow, next week...That temptation, it's everywhere. And for a man like me, whose dealt with every bad thing in his life with alcohol, it's extremely hard to trust anything else to get me through it. I think, you know, I think that I can't do it, that it's too much, I need a drink...but we all know it's not just _one_ drink. It's a whole bottle." He felt himself smile slightly as he said, "I never thought I would find someone who not only would stick by me through the worst but who would become that source of trust. As long as I have her, I don't need the bottle...I don't _want_ the bottle. And we're going to make it final in two weeks when we get married."

Everyone started clapping and a few guys around him patted him on the back and shoulder.

"Good for you, Bob-by," Dave said, "make it harder for her to leave you."

They all started laughing at that, Bobby included as he rubbed at his chin. "I, um..." he said once the laughter died down. He leaned back in the chair that hurt his back and said, "You all have heard me talk for weeks now, well, once I opened up," he quickly injected, causing a few more laughs.

After he stood up and first announced that he was an alcoholic and needed help, he had remained silent for about the first month before he started talking.

"And you know that I don't have a, uh...a higher power. My faith...it's just not there. I know that, and...and it's part of my struggle, you know, another demon that I have to stare down and overcome. So, I have to find a lot of strength within myself. At least, that's what I thought for a long time. I thought that I'm alone, and no one is going to help me but myself. It's all on me, up to me, and I'm the only one I can count on, right?" he asked as he looked around for confirmation.

There was a lot of nodding around the room as everyone agreed because they all felt the same.

"That pressure, to deal with everything alone, I realized it was all a lie. It was a lie that I've been telling myself my whole life. I'm not sure why I believed it so badly, I'm certain that my family had a hand in it, but I think it was just safe. It kept me feeling safe, and in control, even when I was spinning so far out of control...Drinking more and more, digging my hole deeper. Before all this, before I woke up and got sober, any kind of love I tried to give, or receive, it all felt like a lie too. Almost like I was pretending; I didn't feel like I deserved any of it," he found himself declaring. And that admission hurt because he knew how true it was. "And it wasn't fair. It wasn't fair to me and it certainly wasn't fair to the woman that I love. Now, I know what I have to do so that my days get easier. So that when I'm tempted, I can beat it. Part of my strength still comes from here," he said as he pointed to himself. "But the rest of my strength comes from her, the woman that'll soon be my wife. You know, she's taught me a lot about myself, but uh, but also about how wrong I was...and if she heard me say that she'll never let me live it down." A few more chuckles interrupted him and he smiled, thinking about Alex. "I know that as long as we're in this together, there's nothing I can't do, no addiction that I can't overcome, no demon I can't defeat. And for that I'm very, very thankful."

Cragen was smiling at him and he gave him a nod of approval. That felt good too as he gave the floor back over to the mediator who asked if anyone else had anything to share.

An hour later, Bobby shook several hands of those who he'd come to befriend through the program. Dave was quickly becoming a friend as he pulled him into a quick hug and patted his back before letting go. "I got season tickets to the Yankees," he told him. "If you and your girl wanna catch a game some time."

"Oh yeah?" Bobby said in gratitude. "That'll be great, man. I'll hit you up with a date."

"Cool, brother," Dave said, clapping his hand and heading out. "See you next week, Bobby."

"Yeah, have a good week, Dave. Call me if you need to talk," he called after him.

Dave gave him a wave and left, heading up the stairs to the street. Bobby turned back and saw the mediator, Scott Carlo, who he'd found out was not only a counselor but also himself a recovering alcoholic. He'd been sober fifteen years.

"Thanks for talking to us tonight, Bobby," Carlo told him as he shook his hand. "I don't know if you've noticed, but a lot of these guys respond extremely well to you. The way you not only talk about yourself and your own struggles, but how you connect with them, it really helps. Some of these guys are so self-absorbed and when they talk, you can tell it's all about them. You're different, and we've all noticed."

Bobby didn't know what to think of that compliment, but he accepted it. "Thanks, glad I can help."

"Have you had training in this type of thing? Counceling or public speaking, maybe?"

He hesitated in answering, but figured there was no harm in answering. "Both, actually. I, uh…for my job, I have to interact with the public and people who've been uh…victimized."

Carlo smiled and nodded. "Well, I just wanted to thank you, and to let you know that you've got some followers," he said in a teasing way. "You can do a lot of good here; you bring hope. And the fact that you've found love, and are getting married, that really lifts everyone up. I've heard too many sad stories about breakups and divorce, of people losing hope in relationships and with finding someone who can love them through this recovery process. Congratulations and I hope you two last."

Bobby smiled as he shook the man's hand again. "So do I, thanks," he told him before leaving the basement, having stayed to make sure everyone left okay. He'd been doing that since he started coming; opting to be the last to leave and offering rides or to walk someone to the bus stop who came alone.

Cragen was waiting for him when he got topside. He was watching a couple of members at the bus stop down the street; they were talking and laughing, feeling good about tonight's meeting. Turning to him, he said, "You were great today."

Bobby nodded as he started down the street, toward the parking garage. Cragen walked with him as they parked next to each other. "Apparently I'm a source of inspiration."

"I could've told you that. You're good at talking with people. You don't only talk about all the reasons why you drink, or used to drink, and all the hardship that comes with it, but about hope for a better tomorrow, and you do it without being phony. You're very sincere about it and people respond to that. I've been doing this for over twenty years and I've got to admit that hearing you talk even helps me."

Bobby glanced over at his Captain and saw that he was telling him the truth. "I've had training. You know, being a profiler, and doing what I do for a living, what we do…I guess I'm able to read the people in that group, and I know what they need to hear. It's the same things that I need to hear."

"Just don't be surprised if you start getting a lot of numbers and phone calls. These people need someone they can trust and talk to, and you're looking like the best candidate for both. You'll make a great sponsor."

Bobby smiled as he nodded. "I'll look forward to it."

They walked the rest of the way in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. Getting to their separate cars, Bobby told Cragen to have a good night as he got into his car. Taking out his cell, he saw he already had a few missed calls and several texts from some of the AA members. He responded to the texts and returned the calls before starting his car.

He pulled out of the garage and immediately pulled up to the curb and offered a ride to those standing on the sidewalk smoking. Bobby knew they were replacing one addiction with the other, smoking when they really wanted to drink, and he admitted that he could really go for a smoke too; however, he resisted as he told them if they wanted a ride they couldn't smoke in his car.

Several got in while the remaining group waited for the bus or a ride from someone else. Bobby pulled away as he asked for addresses.

* * *

_Bobby & Alex's Apartment_

He didn't get home until after nine and he saw Alex at the kitchen table munching on a pizza slice. He had called and told her he'd be running late because he was taking some people home. She slid the box over to him as he passed by. Grabbing a slice, he told her, "Be right back," as he took the bag that was in his hand to the little storage/laundry space he had.

Bobby finished eating the slice before emptying out the plastic bag that held a litter box and cat litter, as well as a couple of bowls and cans of cat food. He set it up in the room and then went to let the kitten out of the bathroom. Alex said she feed him but was keeping him in there until he got home. Opening the door, the kitten jumped out and took off down the hall.

He watched as the kitten explored the living room and found the door that lead to the litter box. Going back into the bathroom, he picked up the newspapers and threw them away before washing his hands and taking another allergy pill. Going back into the kitchen, he sat down and picked up another slice of pizza.

"Thought of a name yet?"

Bobby shook his head.

"How'd it go at the meeting?"

"I'm an inspiration," he said as he took a bite of the warm pizza. "I've got several people wanting me to be their sponsor."

Alex smiled and chuckled slightly. Then she got serious and said, "I'm so proud of you. I really am."

Smiling a little, he continued to eat as he thought about the night and the whole day. He got up and grabbed a soda out of the fridge and sat back down. "How'd it go with you and Mike?"

"We're still partners and we made progress in the case. We have photos of a potential suspect but no name yet. We're working it."

"That's good. I uh…I'm thinking about volunteering with Child Protective Services. They have this program that uh, you can go in and you know, tutor kids or take them out to ball games, or put on events, like birthday parties. Just, give your time on weekends to the kids who're in need. What'd you think?"

Alex was staring at him and she gave a nod. "That sounds that a good idea. What brought that on? The case you're working?"

"Yeah, that and…" he trailed off as he tried to explain his reasons. "I want to do it, and I can't change unless I start making changes to my life. I've been doing that, and this is another way for me to commit myself to uh, to my recovery, but at the same time, giving back. It's not only part of AA, but, since I've been remembering more and more, and trying to find ways to take control over my life, I've been questioning a lot of my past actions, and how I used to deal with everything. I've been also questioning my own happiness. Whether or not I'm satisfied and happy with not only where I'm at in my personal life but professional life as well. I think I really want to do this; it'd make me happy. So, this Saturday I'm going to go and see what I can do."

Alex had sat her pizza down as she listened to what he'd told her. She had a smile on her face and tears in her eyes. Getting up, she came over to him and hugged him while sitting down on his lap. He held her as she kissed him. "You're surprising me more every day, Bobby. You're really taking this seriously and putting yourself into it. I just, I never thought…"

Bobby sat his food down as he said, "When I decided to go to AA, and to admit that I needed help, I told myself that in order to do that, and make a full recovery, I had to be willing to accept the help presented to me. I have to open myself up to receive the goodness that's out there. All I used to see was the dark. The evil that men could do and worry about the evil that resided within myself…About all my faults and what I wasn't good at and what I couldn't change or was afraid to change. I'm not just going to talk the talk. I'm not like my brother. He talked program, but he didn't live by it. I'm living by it. And it's all thanks to you."

"Me?" she asked, surprised.

He leaned into her and kissed her, telling her, "It's because of you that I'm willing to even try. If you didn't love me, if you never stuck by me, I'd have no reason to change. You're my biggest inspiration, Alex. Captain Cragen may be my sponsor, but you're my support, my backbone. You make me want to get better."

She was softly crying now, and he knew it wasn't from sadness but happiness. Alex kissed him harder, and held him tighter, as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him to her. Moments later, after kiss tortured his mouth with her wonderful tongue, she got off his lap much to his dismay, and let him finish eating while she took another slice and sat down.

He could tell that she wanted to talk about something else. She got a certain look in her eyes and she would occasionally glance his way. After a couple minutes of that little routine, he asked, "What is it?"

Alex finished her last slice, leaving one in the box for him to have, and took a sip of her own soda. She looked a little worried, and nervous, and unsure of his response. She took a breath and told him, "Bobby, during the follow-up investigation of the Nicole Wallace case, we discovered something. It could be nothing, we're not sure."

Bobby stared at her for a long moment and then nodded, saying, "What did you find?"

She was hesitate again but looked up at him as she said, "We might have a name of a man who might, or might not be your biological father."

He stilled as he sucked in a breath of air. Bobby felt his head start to ache a little as he tried to steady his breathing. He closed his eyes and said, "You have a-a, uh, a name?"

"Yes, we do," she told him again. "Listen, the reason I haven't told you yet is because I know you said that you didn't want to know. Respecting your wishes, we've been sitting on it, partly to find out if there was any merit to the claim before springing it on you."

He nodded as he said, "Now you have evidence or…?"

Alex shook her head, telling him, "No, we're still unsure if it's true or not. The only way to know is to perform a DNA test. His DNA is on file, so is yours. It'll be simple to just run a comparison. However, we can't do that unless it's either during the course of an investigation or with your permission. Right now, we have neither."

Bobby thought about it as he stared at the table. Did he want to know? Did it matter? He knew it didn't, and that it wouldn't change anything. William Goren raised him, and for all he cared, he was his father. His biological father did nothing except have sex with his mother, while she was married, and conceived him. That was it. So, did he want to know who seduced his mother? Who helped her commit adultery, and in turn created him? It was weird to think that if his mother hadn't had been with this other man, that maybe he would have never been born.

Then something she said registered in his head. His father's DNA was on file. It was in the system, meaning he was probably a criminal. Bobby didn't know what to think of that. "I'm going to need to think about it. I'm not sure what I want right now. I need, uh…time to consider it."

Alex let out a sigh of relief as she nodded and said, "Of course."

He saw the relief in her entire demeanor and realized that this had been hanging on her for a while. Bobby smiled as he said, "You were thinking the worst. You thought if you told me, I would flip out." When he saw the look in her eyes, he felt the pain in his chest. "I'm not…Alex, I'm not going to collapse over this. I will not go back to being the way I was. And, I'm not some infantile who needs to be shielded from the world."

She huffed out a laugh and said, "Logan told me the same this morning. He said that you're a grown man and not a child, and that you're not delicate. That you didn't need to be handled with kiddie gloves."

"And he's right. Look at me, Alex, if I can't accept this without going insane and going back to the bottle, then I'm not a pretty sane person to begin with. But I _am_ a sane person. This is just something that happened before I was even born. It's something that's between my mother and whoever this man is, not with me. It's not going to change who I am. I'm forty-three years old…I think I know how to handle the worst that life can throw at me." Bobby stared at her as he thought that maybe she didn't have as much hope in himself that he had. Leaning back in the chair, he asked, "You thought I would go right back to drinking again, didn't you?"

"I didn't know what to think," she honestly told him.

He shook his head in disappointment as he said, "I can't do this without you, Alex. If I don't have your absolute trust, and faith, in my abilities to grow and to get better, than-"

"I do," she stressed. "I think I'm just so used to how you used to be that it's hard to accept who you are now. I'm working on it, and hearing you say things like what you just told me tonight, it helps. I don't have to guess about your state of mind or how you're recovering, I know now how much you've improved. You do have my trust, Bobby, and all the faith I have in the world that you're going to succeed. I love you. I wouldn't love you or agree to marry you if I thought, or had any doubts, that you weren't the man I want to be with for the rest of my life."

Bobby relaxed and felt his heart pound and soar with love and hope as she told him that. It reassured him that she didn't doubt him, and it made it easier to get past this. Maybe he could know the name of the man and be okay with it. He wasn't going to ask yet, but when he was completely ready, he would ask. "So, is there anything else, uh, that I need to know or is that it?"

Alex sat quiet for a moment and he immediately knew there was. If there was nothing, she would've shook her head or told him so. Her hesitation was what nearly sent him off. Bobby had just heard her words, telling him that she had trust in him, yet she was still apprehensive about telling him something.

He felt his jaw tighten and twitch at the thought that she was lying to him; he didn't want to feel that way, or think those thoughts, but she was still afraid. "Alex, I thought…you just said you have faith in me, so why are you still so afraid to trust me. Why is it so hard for you to tell me what it is-"

"I'm pregnant."

He stopped talking as he stared over at her. He went to speak but couldn't. Bobby sat back and let it register in his head what she'd just told him, because he obviously either didn't hear her right or he was in shock… "You…We're…How?" he said as he shook his head. "I mean…" he tried to think but it wasn't really working. "You're pregnant?"

"Yeah. I took a test and it was positive so I went to the doctor to get it verified. She thinks that it just happen a couple of weeks ago. I was worried because I had drank a lot on Saturday but she did tests and said not to worry, that a lot of women get pregnant and not know it and drink. Bobby, are you sure you're okay?"

He took in a breath of air and let it out slowly; then, Bobby said, "We're going to have to move. This is too small…Your place in Rockaway has three rooms."

Alex bit her bottom lip as she smiled and then started laughing. "You're okay?"

"I guess," he said as he started to shake a little. "I'm not…angry, just, scared and…oh, God, Alex," he said as he shut his eyes and felt his head ache, "we're going to be parents."

Alex got up and hugged him. He was trembling against her as she held him. "I thought you were going to hit the roof."

Bobby still felt like he was in a fog. It probably hadn't fully hit him yet. His head ached and his heart was pounding. "That was completely unexpected."

"It usually is."

"And the doctor said you were fine? That it just happened?" he asked because he wasn't sure if she really said those things. It was hard to concentrate.

"Yes, I'm pretty fine, so is the little thing growing in me."

Bobby shook his head in confusion as he said, "You're on the pill."

"It's not one hundred percent full-proof. There's always that one percent chance. My doctor thinks that it was due to the antibiotics I was on last month. She said that antibiotics have been linked to lowering the effectiveness of…Bobby?"

He felt his body start to shake nearly uncontrollably. Reaching up, he held his head in his hands as he tried to stop the array of emotions that was bombarding him. It felt like he was seconds away from having a heart attack or…

He couldn't stop the tears as they fell from his eyes as his chest trembled.

Alex wrapped her arms around him and asked in a panic, "Are you okay? Bobby?"

He nodded as he stopped trying to keep the emotions at bay and let them loose. Burying his head into her chest, he clung to her as he wept. He didn't know if it was from happiness or sorrow, but either way it felt good to finally let it go.

She held him until he finally stopped, as he his chest eased and it was easier to breathe. As he relaxed into her, he heard her ask, "What'd you think?"

Bobby took a breath as he said, "I think my mother just might actually approve of us getting married."

Alex chuckled as she said, "Are you going to be okay?"

He nodded into her chest, still unable and unwilling to let her go.

She rubbed at his back, his neck, and kissed him. Then she asked, "Are you happy?"

Bobby took a moment to fully determine his feelings. He thought about it long and hard, and finally, he said, "I think, yeah…I'm very, very happy. Scared shitless, but happy." He sat back and looked at her, and asked, "Why did you decide to take the test if you didn't know?"

She smiled and said, "Logan made a comment about me being pregnant because I was eating a lot. I couldn't get it out of my head until I reassured myself that I wasn't. I was wrong."

Shaking his head, he leaned against her, resting his head on hers, and asked, "Are you happy?"

She lifted his head and kissed him hard. Pulling back, she said, "Yes, and I'm scared too. Terrified, actually. We've got a lot to think about and to discuss."

He finally felt himself smile as he said, "We've already been through some of it before, when we had our first baby scare. I know that you were worried if we could last as a couple if we became parents. And now?"

"Now? Bobby, we're getting married and I have no doubt that we'll last. We're stronger now than we ever were before." He gave a nod as she slid off his lap; taking his hand in hers, she said, "I'm ready for bed."

Bobby got up with her help and held onto her waist as he followed behind her to the bedroom. He still couldn't believe what was happening, but that didn't stop him from letting Alex have her wicked way with him.

They didn't get much sleep that night either, but this time it wasn't from lack of trying.

A few hours later as he stared up at the ceiling with Alex nestled against his chest, and feeling the weight of the kitten at the foot of the bed, he said, "I can't believe I'm going to be father."

Alex rubbed over his chest and arm as she said, "You're going to be a great father, Bobby."

He pulled her closer, holding her tight, as he thought that maybe she was right. It took him a long time to finally close his eyes and sleep.

TBC…

Holy heck, Alex is pregnant. I'm breaking all my rules with this one. Marriage, a kid…a freaking cat, what the heck's wrong with me? I just started writing and let the natural progression of these characters and their lives take shape. I figured since I was letting Bobby move forward and grow beyond how I had written him before, very damaged and unwilling to change, than that meant I had to let his life grow and change as well. This just seemed right and natural, and so that's how I wrote it.

And for those waiting on an update to 'Dogs of War', I'm working on it! Give me time. These three chapters were just begging for me to write them and I had to get it out.


	4. Saturday, May 21, 2005

A/N: Again, thank you so much for the reviews. And I know! 'Dogs of War' is waiting, but I can't get this story out of my head. Every time I open up the document to write the next chapter to 'Dogs of War', I find myself writing this instead. It won't stop, I need help! LOL. Anyway, I figured a new chapter, even for this story, was better than no new chapter at all.

Enjoy!

* * *

First part of this Chapter is Rated M. You've been warned.

_Bobby & Alex's Apartment_

Yesterday had been a tough day. After a long week of putting together a case and profile on Rory Collins, he had to watch the man walk out of court on a bail reduction. It wasn't from lack of trying, but lack of evidence. Unless he jumped on a plane and went to New Orleans to talk to Collins' exes and their children, there was nothing he could do. The charges were still against Collins and he would have to go to trial once the date was set, but knowing that he was currently walking free twisted Bobby's stomach.

Bobby knew that the only reason Collins was granted a reduction in bail to begin with was due to his own mistake. He should've never touched the man. He didn't want to do anything other than arrest Collins and have a ceremonial bottle of Glenlivet to celebrate the occasion. Neither of those was a possibility, so he had gone home, drank a few non-alcoholic beers and played with the kitten he had yet to name.

Alex had a frustrating week as well. They didn't get a match on their suspect and so far the state wide BOLO had come up empty. Bobby knew all it took was time. These types of case were the worst because it wasn't a simple straight forward act of revenge or jealousy; the victims didn't know their killer. He wasn't a family member, or a friend, or business associate. He was a mystery man. And according to Alex, there were over a thousand in the state who hit on some of the markers in the database.

She had also spent most of her time after work at her parents. Last night was no exception. He didn't feel much like going out or even cooking, and neither did Alex once she returned home. So they'd ordered takeout and did some talking about the wedding over platters of sushi and boxes of rice. Between his friends and acquaintances, and then Alex's family and friends, they had most of the wedding preparations covered.

He had spent the rest of the night reading while Alex watched TV. The day after Alex informed him that he was going to be a father he had gone to the library and checked out books on pregnancy. Alex already knew what to expect and she kept telling him that he had nothing to worry about, but he couldn't help it. He wanted to make sure she was eating the right things and doing the right things. He wanted to know about the growth and development of his child and what, if anything, they could do to make sure he or she was born healthy.

Alex had fallen asleep with her head in his lap while he stayed sitting up against the headboard reading until he couldn't keep his eyes open any longer.

He awoke to a purring in his ear and a stuffy nose and itchy throat. Groaning into the pillow, he reached up toward his head and petted the kitten that was sleeping at the back of his neck.

"You should see your doctor and get a prescription," Alex said as he opened his puffy eyes.

Bobby rolled onto his back and stretched as the kitten stretched as well before meowing at him and pawing at his face. He groaned again but was amused as he picked the little kitten up and sat him on the floor. Alex was at the dresser, pulling her hair up into a ponytail, as he walked over and kissed her neck. "Going for a run?"

"Yeah. I have to pick some stuff up at the bodega anyway, might as well do that on my return trip. I made coffee but not breakfast. I ate light for my run."

Bobby wrapped his arms around her waist and stared at her through the mirror. Earlier that month Alex had ran in the Mother's Day half marathon on Rockaway Beach. She'd come up tenth overall and had told him she was going to do better for the next one. The next one was tomorrow there in Brooklyn. One of her dreams was to run in the New York marathon in November and finish it in three hours. She'd run it before and came up an hour short of her goal at four hours thirty-two minutes, forty-six seconds exactly.

Alex dropped her arms once she had her hair up and leaned against him. "I'm not going to be able to run it this year," she told him. He heard the disappointment but she was smiling. "I'll be six months pregnant."

He smiled as he rested his chin on her shoulder. "Maybe you'll be able to walk it. We can do it together."

She looked at him through the mirror before turning in his arms. "You'll walk it with me?"

"Of course," he told her. "How else will I ensure you make it to the finish line without collapsing? I'll even carry you if I have to." Bobby was only teasing with that last comment, but Alex patted him on the chest and smiled up at him.

"If anyone is going to be carrying someone to the finish line, it'll be me," she teased back before giving him a kiss. Alex grabbed her cell phone, iPod, ID and credit card before leaving the bedroom.

He headed to the bathroom to shower and get ready for the day. While Alex was gone, he cooked himself breakfast and made a few phone calls. One was to his mother's doctor. He planned to visit her tomorrow and wanted to make sure she had nothing scheduled for the day. Another was to Miss Gates with CPS, ensuring that Colton Richards had been placed in the sponsored program called S.T.A.R.S. Colton had been put in a guardian home that was run by the agency. He got the address and told her that he'd be by to fill out all the paperwork for volunteers before heading to the house that was located on the Upper West side of Manhattan. His last phone call was to Dave. After making arrangements to meet up with him, he ended his calls.

He was finishing his third cup of coffee and working on a crossword puzzle in the Saturday paper when the backdoor opened. Alex entered carrying two bags full of groceries. Putting the paper down, he got up and helped as he took both bags from her and sat them on the table. She was sweating and a little breathless as she took a bottle of water out of the refrigerator. Bobby started to unpack the bags as she cooled down.

"I know you didn't run with the bags."

"I power-walked with them," she told him as she downed the water. "It's really humid out today."

Bobby folded up the brown paper bags and stored them away in the small closet. Looking her over, he took in her sweaty skin tight running clothes; her curves, panting chest, lips, and full breasts stirred his desire as he stepped over to her and grabbed her around the waist and pulled her to him.

"Bobby-" Alex squealed before he cut her off as he kissed her. She moaned into his mouth as she pushed up against him. Without breaking the kiss, she tossed the empty bottle toward the sink before wrapping her arms around his neck.

Her tongue slipped into his mouth as his hands rubbed down her back and over her firm ass as he lifted her up against him. Alex wrapped her legs around his waist as he made his way toward the bedroom. They didn't make it that far as he pushed her down over the side of the couch. Breaking the kiss from her mouth, he started kissing, licking, and sucking over her neck. Pushing him up, Alex reached down and pulled her sweaty top off, exposing her breasts to him.

Bobby took her in, loving the image of his Alex in the black lace bra he'd bought her into his mind. "You're so beautiful."

"Off, now" she yanked his shirt up even though it was buttoned.

Bobby pulled his shirt off, tossing it somewhere behind him. Leaning over her small, petite body, he reclaimed the warm mouth that had become his home. Pressing fully down on top of her, they both moaned and moved against each other, enjoying the friction they were generating; with every thrust of his tongue down her throat, he thrust against her.

"Mmmm," Alex moaned around him as she met his bucking hips. "Mm, mm…Bobby," she finally got out as he released her mouth. "Bobby, I want to feel you." Her hand grabbed him through his pants, making him hiss with pleasure.

Moving down, Bobby sucked, licked and kissed his way down her body. His tongue circled her naval before trailing after his fingertips down to her track sweats. He could already smell her musk; she was wet and ready for him already. Pushing down a pair of black laced panties along with her sweats, Bobby licked at her hot center, tasting her juices.

"Unh," Alex grunted as she pushed against him. "Yes…Unh-ah, that feels so good," she moaned and trembled.

Hearing the husky pleasure in her voice urged him on. That was what he wanted to do to her. Love her and make her happy; he wanted her to feel the same joy and pleasure that she sparked in him. It was intoxicating and it made him want her more than anyone else on earth. Just seeing her face in pure unashamed pleasure as her eyes bore a mixture of love, lust, and desire into him while he slid his tongue as deep as it would go into her, making her cry out as she came was the most amazingly erotic thing he had ever seen in his life.

Bobby drank all of her in, savory every precious drop she had given him. Alex's hands gripped him up by his hair, pulling him to her awaiting mouth. Straightening, he hurriedly got his jeans unbuttoned and pushed them down along with his boxers. Leaning back over her, he wrapped his arm under her waist and pulled her up the edge of the couch to him. Feeling her pulsing wet center throb against his skin, he clenched his eyes shut as he kept himself from coming right then and there as he slid slowly into her. His eyes watched as she took nearly all of him in. He was big and, God…She was so small, tight. Every time it was like that and he couldn't get over the feeling no matter how many times he'd had her. "Ungh, Alex," he grunted out as he pulled out before thrusting back into her, going deeper and deeper each time.

Alex leaned up to capture his mouth in a deep passionate kiss. Their tongues tangled and danced in each other's warm mouths before Alex leaned back, moving up against him.

"Oh, fu-" Bobby choked back as she proved how flexible she was as she moved her legs around to wrap them around his neck. She was going to kill him.

He felt her hands roam over and up his chest before gripping his neck as he continued a steady god-awfully slow fuck in and out of her. Trailing his fingers over her sweaty chest, and down over her perfect breasts, he pulled a breast out of the bra and rubbed at her nipple as other hand traveled down to her hip. He clenched her hip tight as he pushed down into her at the same time he took the harden nipple into his mouth.

Alex cried out and jerked against him as he sucked then bit the tip as it slid from his mouth. Easing the pain away, he sucked, licked, and rubbed at her breast until it was swollen. Then he started on the other. Switching hands, he clenched her right hip tight as he continued pushing into her harder.

"Faster," Alex suddenly pleaded as her legs tightened on his shoulders.

Bobby released her swollen nipple before capturing her mouth in a long, lingering slow kiss. "Say it, baby. Let me hear you."

Alex groaned against his lips before begging him, "Faster, Bobby…please, fuck me," Alex whispered into his ear. "Please, hard, fast…fuck me, Bobby."

Bobby growled as he straightened up in a standing position, gripped her hips with both hands, and thrust hard up into her. He barely pulled out before he thrust again, and again; his hips pounded hers, driving her into the couch. He was riding that edge, ready to come. He wanted to be so deep in her when he did, filling her completely.

Alex suddenly arched up; her walls collapsing around him as she her body broke out in spasms, legs tightening around his neck.

A hoarse, husky cry trembled from her lips and he saw tears stream from her eyes. Groaning back at the tight walls that convulsed around him, he kept thrusting, this time slower and deeper until she came again. Feeling her warm sweetness pulse and clench around him the second time sent Bobby over that edge.

He buried himself in her one last time as he came. "Oh, God," he grunted out as he jerked into her, spilling himself in the depths of her body. His gasping slowed as he pulled out of her; moaning at the loss of her surrounding him, Bobby eased on top of her and sucked air into his burning lungs as he panted into her neck. "Jesus, Alex…"

Alex was having just as much trouble breathing as he was as her legs moved down his body to rest over the side of the couch on either side of him. Resting his head on her sweaty shoulder, he looked at her face and at seeing her blissful face was enough to make him hard all over again. He adored that look. She was flush, panting, and completely satisfied. Wiping the hair that was sticky to her forehead and cheek away, he kissed her over her cheek, chin, forehead, and nose before lightly kissing her swollen lips. "You okay?"

Alex opened her eyes and stared up at him. "That was…" she was still panting, "that was…"

"Uh…unbelievable," Bobby offered, trying to help her out.

Alex pulled him down into a long, loving kiss before saying, "Yeah," she took in a deep breath, "that."

Bobby chuckled as he moved back with a groan. He kicked his jeans all the way off but pulled up his boxers before picking her up. He cradled her in his arms as he sat down on the couch and leaned back. Staring at the opposite wall and the black TV screen, he ran a hand through his sweaty hair and over his forehead; he was hot, sweaty, sticky…he felt wonderful.

"You wore me out."

Bobby looked over at her and laughed a little. "You made me. Coming in all hot and sweaty."

Alex curled up against him as smoothed her hand over his bare chest. "And you wondered how I got pregnant. You can't leave me alone."

Bobby grinned wickedly as he kissed her before turning back to looking at the wall. "I think I want to sit here for a while, with you in my arms." He slipped his arm around her shoulders and held her close. Her head rested against his chest, warming it. "Can I ask you a question?"

Alex peered up at him and smiled. "Sure."

Bobby blinked down at her before returning his attention back to the wall. It was easier to think that way. "The more I remember, the harder it is to remain, uh...objective. My emotions are becoming more complicated, and I'm questioning myself more. But, it's not just with my own self; I find that I'm questioning everything and everyone, including my job, my life ambitions…and all of my uh, relationships, friendships. I don't want to go back to the way I was, so…I've been, as you know, trying to make different choices, like marrying you. And, I guess what I'm asking is…Are you okay with all these changes? I know I'm not the same as I was, but…you fell in love with the man I was before, despite everything. I realize I've been doing a lot without consulting you first. Am I making sense?"

Alex was quiet for a moment before telling him, "I'm following. I'm all right with you changing, Bobby. And they're all good changes. We all change. After Joe died, everything changed for me. I changed, and yeah, it scared me to realize that I wasn't the same woman that he had married, but I had to move on and one of the ways I did that was improve myself. Like running. I didn't take a real interest in running marathons or anything until a year after he died." She looked up at him and saw the contemplation on his face. "Are you scared of all of this?"

Bobby knew she was going to get back to the reason he asked in the first place. "I don't know. I think that maybe too much is happening and changing at once, and that maybe I need to slow down. Then, I think, you know, that it's really too late and I can't slow down. I wonder if this is all going to blow-up in my face."

Alex didn't say anything, she just listened and waited.

The next couple of minutes felt uncomfortable for him. Alex didn't say anything or move for the longest time. Bobby didn't know if she trying to think of something or ready to break it all off. "Anyway," he had to break the silence. "I was just thinking out loud. That's all. I'm not trying to say we shouldn't get married or anything, or have a kid. All I was really trying to say was that, I'm going through these changes, and I don't want to exclude you from knowing about any of them."

Alex finally turned to face him, sitting her chin on his chest and staring up into his eyes. She still looked like the same Alex that had made love to him not more than ten minutes ago: happy and content to being his wife. "You're not scaring me, Bobby. And I'm glad you're telling me what you're thinking instead of keeping it all inside…" she looked like she was stuck with what to say after that. "I can't imagine what you're going through with all of this, but you're handling it better than I ever thought. Questioning yourself is a good thing, that means you're not making the same mistakes, and you've learned from how it all went wrong before. That can't be a bad thing. Asking me to marry you, thinking of our future together instead of thinking that we're not going to have a future…" she sighed as she kissed over his chest. "Don't stop improving, Bobby." She leaned up and kissed him on the lips, easing his troubled mind. "Stop worrying. You're doing fine."

Bobby wished he had her optimism. "You think?"

"I know," she confidently told him.

They continued to hold onto each other in comfortable silence, enjoying the feel of each other in their arms until they really had to get up. Alex was the first to move as she got up to shower.

Bobby let her go as he continued to stare at the wall, thinking.

* * *

_Saint Jerome Emiliani's Guardian Home_

_Upper West Side, Manhattan_

The guardian home where Colton was placed was a four story brownstone on 82nd Street. It was named after the patron saint of abandoned children, of orphans. Above the door he entered was a prayer: "Saint Jerome Emiliani, watch over all children who are abandoned or unloved. Give us the courage to show them God's love through our care. Help us to lose the chains that keep us from living the life God intended for us. Amen."

Bobby stared at the prayer as one of the caretaker who ran the house went to the second floor to get Colton for him. He had never been placed in such a home, having grown up in a different time. He was certain if CPS was around and like it was today in the '60's and '70's, he probably would've been taken out of his home. It wasn't until the year he was born, 1961, when a man by the name of C. Henry Kempe started to research the issue of intentional injury to children, eventually identifying and coining the term 'battered child syndrome'. It was during the same time when there were a lot of changing views about the role of children in society, due in part to the civil rights movement. The Child Abuse Prevention and Treatment Act wasn't passed until 1974.

In '74 he was already thirteen years old going on twenty-one. He had already had his first cigarette at age eight, his first beer at twelve, even his first kiss from Gloria Rossi on his thirteenth birthday. A year later he lost his virginity. There had been no one to care. No one to come to his rescue, to save him from his father, his mother, and from all the bad choices he'd made as a reckless and rebellious teenager. He was left to his own vices, his own ways of coping with his indifferent and verbally abusive father and unstable and mentally ill mother.

Even with the Act being passed, nothing really changed until the '80's and early '90's. But even now there was abuse and people were still turning their heads. Indifference was like a disease, and it was everywhere.

He really hoped Saint Jerome was listening when the children who lived there prayed to him every night. Then again, Saint Jerome never listened to him whenever he prayed to him as a child, before he lost his faith completely. He wasn't an orphan, but he might as well have been.

Turning from staring at the prayer above the door, he walked over to one of the other volunteers. She was young, looked fresh out of high school, and was reading through a child psychology book. Bobby sat down across from her and asked, "What's your name?"

She peered over her book at him. "Michelle Freeman. What's yours?"

"Bobby Goren," he said as he introduced himself to her. "You've been doing this how long?"

Giving a shrug, she told him, "Off and on through high school since I was sixteen. I like volunteering here, they're nice people and I love the kids. I'm going to be here for the rest of the summer and hopefully when I start college I'll still be able to volunteer on the weekends."

"That's uh, good of you. I bet all these kids love you for it. You said they were nice. It seems like a decent place."

"It is. You never have to worry about the caretakers, just the kids. Some of them, especially the older boys, can be pretty rough. But they have rules and if they break them then they'll be placed somewhere else or, depending on what they do, end up in juve. I've seen a couple of boys arrested for assault or thievery a few times."

Bobby looked around at some of the kids who were downstairs with them. They were either at a table doing school work or playing games, a few were reading quietly by themselves. "They share rooms?"

"Four to a room; they have bunk beds. But, the teenagers are two to a room. And it's separated by gender and age," she told him. "There are fourteen kids in total and no one older than thirteen. Once they turn fourteen, they're put in a different guardian home for older kids until they're eighteen. Some run away before then though. A month ago we had sixteen, but two took off. We called the cops and filed runaway reports on them."

Rubbing at his head, Bobby thought of all these kids who were living that way. Never in a real home with a family who loved them, but being bounced around from one place to another. It was a hard way to grow up and for a lot of kids it was the only way they knew. Then once they turned eighteen and considered adults, they were left to their own devices. He knew that they tried to make sure they had jobs or were going to college before kicking them out, but he wondered how often that actually happened.

"Bobby!"

He looked over and saw Colton at the top of the staircase; his little thin legs nearly tangling around each other as he hurried down the steps. It still surprised him that the little boy was seven. He was no taller than three feet and nothing by skin and bones. The clothes he wore hung off him. It spoke of the malnutrition and neglect he'd suffered, probably from birth. The boy should've been in the first grade, going on the second grade, but after calling around to the local schools, Bobby found that the mother hadn't enrolled him in school until that year. Colton's birthday was in July; he would be eight years old before stepping inside a classroom, and a year behind everyone else his own age. Desiree Collins didn't even put him in kindergarten, opting to keep him home instead.

Yet, Colton seemed bright and understood more than what a child his age should. Bobby knew why; it was the same reason he had felt so old when he was a child. He, and Colton, had to grow up way before they were ready. They had to face life at such a young age when they had lost all their innocence. The how and why were different, but the effects were the same. Colton was seven going on twelve, going on four.

"What's going on? How're you?" he asked as the kid stopped in front of him.

"I'm fine, they have video games!" he said excitedly. "And we get to go to da park and play ev'y day. I've never been to da park fore. There wasn't one where I lived with my mom. I had to play on da sidewalk or in da alley all da time."

Bobby smiled as he nodded. "That's good. I, uh, I actually came by to see if you wanted to go hang out with me today. What'd you say?"

Colton's eyes got wide as he nodded his head expectantly. "Are we goin' catch bad guys?"

He laughed and shook his head, telling him, "Uh, not today." He reached into his back pocket and pulled out two tickets he'd picked up from Dave and handed them to Colton. "I was thinking we could see the Yankees play."

Colton took the tickets out of his hand and stared at them like they would suddenly disappear. "I never saw 'em play fore. I like 'em, but I also like da Mets. That okay?" he asked as he sincerely looked up at him for his approval.

"Well, you're extremely lucky, because they're playing the Mets today at Shea Stadium. We've gotta go to Queens." Looking at his watch, he asked, "Are you ready?"

"I'm ready!" he said excitedly as he headed for the door. "Can we have hotdogs too?!"

"Whatever you want," Bobby told Colton as he got up from the chair he'd been sitting in and headed out.

Bobby drove them to the stadium in his car, top down, and Colton was enjoying every second of it. The kid's active and genuinely happy demeanor not only surprised him but was infectious. However, he did notice a few things that worried him, but also confirmed his own thoughts about the abuse Colton had suffered. The sexual abuse he knew now was only the one time. The boy didn't show any signs of it being a long term thing, and that reassured him.

What hadn't been a one-time thing was the emotional and verbal abuse. Colton had told him in the hospital that his mother had told him that she didn't love him anymore. He could only imagine what else the mother, and the step-father, had told the kid over the years. Like him, Colton didn't have a loving father; there was no man in his life who treated him well and who encouraged him, or who praised his accomplishments. So, like he had been, Colton was eager for his approval, eager to please him and to get confirmation from him instead of trusting in his own self. The kid didn't want to disappoint him in any way.

Bobby realized that was probably how Colton ended up being abused by Rory. Colton was in such desperate need of having a father-figure, and not disappointing that father-figure, that he would've been easily manipulated and done anything. That broke his heart. It made him want to be the only man in the boy's life; to teach him the right way to be and the right things to do. He would gladly be Colton's mentor for life if the boy wanted him to; like how Declan had been to him.

At the game, he bought Colton a Mets hat since he was more of a Mets fan than a Yankees fan, and a baseball glove. Colton had told him he never had a glove, but always wanted one. He also wanted to play but was never allowed. And since he wasn't in school yet, he didn't have any friends to play with. All the kids that had been in his neighborhood were older and treated him badly.

"All they wanna do is be mean and fight people," Colton had told him when they were waiting for the top of the ninth inning to start. "I don't like bein' mean."

Bobby nodded as he told him, "Neither do I."

"You wore mean to Row-ry."

Bobby looked over at Colton as he told him that. He didn't know if Colton had seen him that night, when he confronted Rory in the back of the police car. "And that was the wrong thing to do."

"Wore you mean to 'im 'cause he hurt me?" Colton asked before covering his mouth.

He smiled as he told him, "You can ask that."

"I'm bein' mou-dy," he spoke from behind his hands. "My mom hits me for bein' mou-dy."

Bobby frowned as he remembered his own mother backhanding him a few times for talking back, and of his father hitting or yelling at him for speaking his mind. "When I was a kid, I was mouthy too. Worse than you."

"Did you get in trouble?"

He nodded and told him, "I did, but…I'm not going to do that to you. Okay? You can speak your mind, Colton. Just…don't cuss or anything."

Colton started laughing as he said, "I won'; those are big people words. I'm not allowed to say 'em."

"But I bet you do."

Colton turned red as he laughed again. "I haven't since last time. I'm bad when I say 'em. I don't wanna make you mad at me for bein' bad."

Bobby was quiet for a moment as he looked down at him. "You're not bad for saying them and I won't get mad, but they are adult words. I don't want you to say them, because there are other words for you to learn and use instead. Okay?"

Colton gave nod as he fiddled with his glove.

Bobby took a sip of his soda before he answered Colton's earlier question. "I did get mad at Rory, and was mean to him because he hurt you. I don't like people who hurt children. But, it still wasn't right. I should've left him alone."

"But you wore mad. I get mad sometime and be mean." Colton sat back in the seat as the players took the field. "The game is almost over?"

"Looks like it." Bobby looked down at him and saw the joy slowly leaving the kid's face and eyes. "What's the matter?"

Colton shook his head and weakly told him, "Nothin'."

"You can tell me," Bobby told him as he sat back in the seat.

Not taking his eyes off the seat in front of him, Colton said, "I gotta go back."

Bobby saw the sadness that suddenly overtook Colton and felt sadden too. Their day was coming to an end and eventually Colton had to go back to the guardian home. "That's where you live now. But, I'll see you again. In fact, you're going to see a lot of me, do you know why?"

Colton shook his head but he was looking up at him from under the brim of the hat.

Bobby smiled down at him as he said, "I'm going to start tutoring you for school. That way when you start in the fall, maybe you'll be able to be placed in second grade, along with kids your own age. How does that sound?"

Colton was quiet for a while before he saw tears well in his eyes. He gave a nod but said softly, "I'm 'fraid."

"You're afraid of school?"

Colton nodded.

"Why?" he asked but he was afraid he knew why. When Colton didn't answer, Bobby asked, "Can, uh…can you read?"

Colton shook his head and wiped his eyes. "I can't do nothin'," he told him as he dropped his head in shame.

"Hey," Bobby leaned down, catching Colton's eyes under the brim of the hat. "You can do anything you want, Colton. I'm going to teach you, and before you know it you'll be reading and writing and counting to a million."

Colton smiled as he said, "A billion."

Bobby smiled back. "It's a deal." He held out his hand and Colton shook his with one, hard shake.

After the Mets beat the Yankees 7 to 1, he headed back to Manhattan but first they stopped off for burgers and fries and milkshakes in Times Square. Colton couldn't take his eyes off the moving billboards and lights and all the signs. Bobby just soaked it all in; it was like he was seeing the city for the first time as he saw in through the eyes of Colton who was seeing it for the first time.

Colton was bouncing with excitement and probably a sugar high when he got him back to the guardian home. He was talking a thousand miles a minute and stumbling over his own words as he reenacted the baseball game out for the other boys and girls. One boy tried to take his hat and Colton yelled out as he grabbed it and took off running. Bobby saw the older boy and knew that Colton probably wouldn't have the hat for long. He wondered about the safety of the kid as he saw some of the older boys watching him.

He knew that the caretakers couldn't do everything and couldn't watch all the kids all the time. Bobby knew that fights happened, things got stolen, and that kids could be envious of others to the point of doing vicious things. And kids like these, all craving for the same attention and love as everyone else, but brought up in violence and abuse, were more acceptable to acting out in violence.

"Colton," he called out for the boy who'd run over to hide behind the TV stand.

Colton ran back over to him and stopped and stared up at him in anticipation.

Kneeling down, he said, "Why don't I hang onto your hat and glove for you? That way nothing happens to them."

"So they won' get stolen?" Colton asked as he handed him the glove and hat. "I'll get 'em back?"

"Yes, you'll get them back. I'll keep them in my car for you." Bobby stood and smiled down at him. "I've got to go, okay? I'll be back next week."

"Promise?" Colton asked.

"I promise. Stay out of trouble."

"Okay, Bobby. See you next week!" Colton called out to him before taking off up the stairs. He tripped up a couple and caught himself with his hands and then climbed up them using his hands and laughing.

Bobby looked around at the other kids and wondered if they also had volunteers who took them out places and did things with them. Going over to Michelle who was still there, he asked her that vary question.

"Not many," Michelle told him. "You're the first we've had in months."

Giving a nod, he turned and left with Colton's hat and glove in his hand. He put them in the trunk of his car and then got into the driver's side. Looking up to the second floor, he saw Colton at a window, waving bye at him. He waved back before starting the car, heading home.

* * *

_Bobby & Alex's Apartment_

He shifted on the bed as he looked over at Alex who was dressed in her dress blue uniform. She was putting her hair up, something she never did for work, and applying makeup he kept telling her she didn't need. "You look beautiful without it," he told her once again as he petted the kitten that was curled up on his chest.

Alex looked at him through the mirror as she put the eyeliner down. "Have you given that thing a name yet?"

"Hugo Gustav," he said as the kitten purred and nudged his hand up. She gave him a look and he knew exactly what that meant. She thought he was nuts. "Hugo Munsterberg is considered to be the father of Forensic Psychology. And Gustav is the middle name of both Carl Jung and Hans Gross," he explained. "You know who Jung is, the psychiatrist. Well, Gross is considered one of the first profilers, and creator of the field of criminalistics. He was also the first to ever consider women as suspects in murder investigations; before him, no one thought that a woman could commit murder." He glanced over at her as he said, "You can call him Hugo for short."

Alex rolled her eyes as she went back to making herself look glamorous. "You're not naming our kid," she teased as she picked up a tube of lipstick. "You'll probably name them Freud or something."

Bobby stared over at her and asked, "What's wrong with Freud? It can be a middle name."

Alex chuckled at him as she turned around. "No way. No child of mine is going to be named after someone who actually thought that women have penis envy."

He started laughing as he picked Hugo Gustav up and then dropped him on the bed he'd been laying on. Getting up, he said, "Well, you do want it a lot."

"Not as much as you want my vagina. I bet you want it right now."

Bobby stepped in front of her and took her by the waist, holding her close to him. "Now that you mention it," he said as she laughed at him. He leaned down and kissed her, inciting a moan from her before she pushed him away. He groaned as she walked around him.

"I just did my hair and makeup. And you still have to dress," she told him as she headed out of the bedroom.

Bobby rubbed at his head as he walked into the closet and pulled out the garment bag that held his uniform. The last time he had to wear it was at the funeral of two fallen police officer. He had gone with Captain Deakins and Detective...um...Bobby realized that he couldn't remember her name, but she had red hair. He knew that much. Anyway, Alex had met them at the church since she was on maternity leave. Since then, he had to have it resized.

Quickly dressing, he tied the tie and placed the tie clip on it to keep it in place. After slipping on the shined dress shoes, he draped the jacket over his arm as he left the bedroom. Alex was in the kitchen putting her phone, ID, credit card, and some money in her pocket. She never liked carrying a purse when she was in uniform.

He slid on the jacket as he looked around for his wallet. Picking it up, he put it in his pants along with his set of keys. "I'll drive," he told her before she could reach for her car keys.

She looked him over and smiled. "I always did like the way you looked in that."

"Yeah? You look pretty damn sexy yourself." He walked over to her and thumbed over her ribbons and smiled. "At least this time we're dressing up for a good occasion. Ready?"

She pushed up and kissed him. "I've got something for you." Alex grabbed her purse off the table and dug through it. "I was going to give you this on your 90th day, but I thought you could use it now." She pulled out a big jewelry box and held it out to him. "Congratulations on 73 days sober, Bobby."

Bobby looked at her for a long moment before taking the box. He wasn't used to gifts, and he had to admit that they didn't exchange many, but when they did they were important. He wasn't sure what it was, however, he knew it didn't matter because he loved it already. Opening the box, he stepped back as he stared at the necklace with a pendant. It was the AA sobriety and circle pendant: a circle with a triangle in the middle. The three sides to the triangle represented the three part answer (unity, recovery, service) to the three part disease of alcoholism and addiction (physical, mental, spiritual). The circle surrounding the triangle represented wholeness.

It was gold and it was amazing. Running his hand through his hair, he was at a loss of words.

Alex took the necklace out of the box as she told him, "I know how seriously you're taking your recovery, and you know I support you a hundred percent. And, this is my way of showing you that I'm going to be with you through it all, no matter what." She unclipped it and reached up, putting it around his neck.

As she stepped into him, he wrapped his arms around her and held her close as she fastened it. Her arms wrapped around him as she hugged him back.

Placing a kiss on her neck, Bobby told her, "I love you so much. Thank you."

"I love you too."

He pulled away and looked down at it resting against his tie. Lifting it, he studied it closer and realized along the inside of the circle it was engraved. "To my husband, Bobby. Love..." he had to clear his throat to say the rest, "your wife, Alex."

"A little premature, I know, but by the time you reach your 90th we'll be married."

"I love it, Alex. It's perfect," he said as he smiled down at her. "Thanks for not waiting."

Bobby knew he couldn't wear it hanging out like that, so he loosened his tie and tucked it under his dress shirt. He could feel it resting against his chest and it felt good. A constant reminder of what he had to lose if he lost this war with himself.

"Okay, now I'm ready. Did you feed Hugo?"

"Yeah," he said as he walked with her out the door.

* * *

_Waldorf-Astoria Hotel_

_Park Avenue, Manhattan_

The ceremony for the new NYPD Commissioner was being held in the grand ballroom of the very famous and very glamorous hotel. Bobby had never been there other than walking by it several times in his life. Many people, tourists, would come to see it and take pictures of it, but he never cared about those things. He'd lived in New York his whole life and had never been to the top of the Empire State Building and had never been to the Statue of Liberty. The way he saw it, those things were for tourists. He lived there; he lived the streets day-in and day-out, slept to the noise of the Brooklyn borough, and smelled the urban air of concrete and bodega shops and fish markets. He didn't need to go to the Statue of Liberty because he saw it every day he drove or took the subway to work.

The same with the hotel. He lived there, so why would he go to the Waldorf Hotel? The only time he could see himself stepping foot in the place was either for a case, or because this was where the ceremony was held to welcome the new Commissioner. Bobby had to put on his uniform cover while outside the hotel per regulation. He hated the damn thing, but what could he do? Alex stood next to him in the humid night air as they watched many other officers, detectives, and the brass walk by into the hotel.

Alex wanted to wait for everyone else so they could all go in together. So far the only ones there were them and Fin. Seeing Fin in uniform was a sight, especially with the ponytail. Others quickly arrived as Benson arrived and then Logan.

Mike hit him on the shoulder and grinned, saying, "I heard the news."

"What news?" Benson asked as she looked over at him.

Bobby blushed slightly as he looked at the sidewalk, saying, "Ask Alex."

Alex reached out and smacked him on the arm. "Don't put this on me."

"Put what on you? What's going on now?" Benson asked.

Alex had told him that she wanted to keep the baby news quiet until she could tell everyone. How Mike knew, Bobby figured it was because he was her partner. And that it was because of Mike that Alex even decided to check to see if she was pregnant. He looked at her and she smiled up at him.

"I'm preggo. We're having a baby."

Benson's jaw nearly dropped and then she hit him. "Again you didn't tell me!"

"Stop hitting me," Bobby said with a laugh. "And I didn't tell anyone."

"Damn, you two keep this up you'll be buying a house on Long Island by next week," Fin teased. "Marriage and a baby in a matter of days, don't you think you need to do one thing at a time?"

"I thought we were," Bobby said. "Alex was on the pill."

Alex rolled her eyes and pointed at him. "This is not entirely my fault. You've been Mr. Amorous for months. I think you exchanged your alcohol addiction for a sexual one."

"At least it's healthier for me," he shot back. "Do you know how many calories you burn having sex?"

"Not nearly enough," Alex said as she playfully patted his stomach.

Bobby stared down at her and said, "I'm a growing man."

"Aww, you mean an aging man," Alex teased.

"I take offence to that," he said even though he was smiling at her playful mood. Bobby didn't know what the others were doing or talking about. He was so focused on Alex he forgot anybody else was even there.

"Can we go inside now?" Logan asked. "Or are we waiting on anyone else?"

"I'm waiting on one more," Alex said as she pushed away from him. "You're not my only date tonight." Alex looked around the sidewalk and at the taxis and cars dropping people off.

An SUV pulled up after a taxi left and the passenger door opened. In the seat was the Assistant Chief of Detective's Frank Copeland.

Bobby held out his hand as he said, "Chief."

Chief Copeland shook his hand and then Alex's before sliding open the side door. In the back seat was Harry Copeland. Harry looked out at the both of them and smiled. "Hey, detectives."

Alex stepped up to him and went to help him get out but he politely waved her off. "You're sure you got it?"

"I've been waiting to do this for months," Harry said as he stepped out and brought a cane with him. Standing up straight, he beamed that perfect commercial smile and said, "Well, I bet you never thought you'll see me standing again." He lifted his right pant leg and tapped his prosthetic leg with his cane. "It's not the most attractive leg in the world, but it got me walking again."

Harry Copeland had been Alex's partner after he was demoted from Major Case. On New Year's Eve during a car crash that had been an attempt on Alex's life, Harry had lost his leg. Since then the man had been in and out of recovery and physical therapy. Now, fitted with a prosthetic leg, the man was bound and determined to get back to work. He couldn't return to full duty and would never work the field again, but Bobby was hearing rumors that Harry would be joining the administration side and probably working his way up to Chief one day himself.

Bobby smiled and shook the man's hand. "Good to see you. You're looking great, man."

"Better than last time, huh? And I think I can still take you in hoops," Harry pointed at him and teased.

Bobby chuckled as he took Alex by the hand as they all started for the doors. As they entered the lobby, he finally was able to take his cover off, as did everyone else. A bellboy headed over and directed them to the grand ballroom.

During the walk around the hotel, Harry congratulated them on the engagement and the baby. Bobby rubbed his thumb over Alex's ring finger, feeling the ring she wore as he listened to Harry and Alex talk about his new job. Harry had taken the Sergeant's exam before the crash. Turned out he passed and would be promoted, but since he couldn't work the field, he was given the option to work a desk. With not wanting to quit the NYPD, Harry had accepted the position. So, starting in two weeks he would be the first shift Watch Sergeant at One Police Plaza.

"That's wonderful, Harry," Alex said as they entered the ballroom. "I'm happy for you."

"'It's not solving cases, but it's work. As long as I get to stay with the department, that's all that I care about."

Bobby stopped just inside the doors and looked around. The ballroom was huge with round tables set up on the main floor. There was a dance floor, a stage with a podium and long tables for all the brass and officers. He spotted the long tables filled with refreshments and food, drinks, and there was an open bar. Everyone who was a cop was in dress uniform, everyone else was dressed in dresses or suits; he even spotted a few men in tuxedos, the Mayor of New York City being one of them.

Alex leaned into him and said, "You look uncomfortable."

"I hate these things," he whispered to her. "I could stand them before because I could drink. Having to be sober for the night is depressing me."

She chuckled and leaned further into him. "At least you're with me. Just be good, don't say anything you'll regret later, and I'll give you a reward."

Bobby looked down at her; she had a mischievous glint in her eyes. "What kind-of reward?"

Pushing up so she could whisper in his ear, she told him, "I'm not wearing anything under this."

He closed his eyes and leaned his head on hers. "You're torturing me."

Alex chuckled and moved away from him. "I've got to make the rounds. Remember, be nice."

"Yes, dear," he teasingly said as he let her go.

Bobby watched as she played diplomat for the evening as he went over to the open bar and got a bottle of any non-alcoholic beverage they had. It seemed that unless he went to the right bar or bought his own, no one ever had anything other than O'Doul's to offer him. He took the bottle and sipped at it as he started walking around the room.

A few other detectives stopped him and shook his hand, offering their congratulations on the engagement and playing lip-service, before he continued on his way. Finally finding someone just as miserable as him, he walked up to Mike and leaned on the wall next to him

"I see that Alex is the peacemaker in the relationship," Logan said as he tilted his bottle or real beer toward Alex. She was talking with Captain Deakins and the Chief of D's.

"She could run for Mayor and win it," Bobby said as he took another sip.

"I'd like to see that." Logan looked over at him. "How're you holding up?"

"With what?"

Logan shrugged, saying, "Everything. This is a lot to take on and so soon after everything that's happened. Marriage, a baby on the way…Staying with SVU. Everything."

Bobby downed half the bottle as he thought about all of that. Rubbing at his head, he said, "I'm okay with it. The baby's not due for at least another eight months. Marriage is big, but…it doesn't really change anything. It just means that we're in this together, for life, and we have an equal share in each other's lives. For me and Alex, that's always been true anyway. We're just finally making it official."

"And the job?"

He looked over at Mike as he said, "I'm good where I'm at. You know that Stabler was injured and Benson needed a partner. I was there already, so I stayed. It's still completely voluntary and I'm officially on loan from Major Case. I can go back whenever I want."

Logan nodded as he looked over at him. "And do you want to come back?"

Bobby looked back over at Alex and Captain Deakins. That was still a question he was asking himself and he didn't know the answer yet. "I don't know. I've been asking myself that same question since I was reinstated. It won't be the same. I'll never be Alex's partner again on the job. She'll be my wife. They don't allow married couples to be partnered together for a reason. Reasons I agree with. So, if I go back, I'll have another partner. It won't be you." He looked at Mike and said, "Deakins will most likely keep you with Alex. So, I don't know who I'd be partnered with…Barek?"

"She's all right. Good cop. She was with the FBI for a while after 9/11. She's a profiler too, and knows just about, if not more, foreign languages than you do."

"We'll probably hate each other," he said with a teasing smirk.

"You're right. Your egos will clash and you'll both be trying to out prove or outsmart one another. I've noticed that you have to be the smartest one in the room all the time. It's annoying."

Bobby finished off the bottle and desperately wanted another, but with alcohol. Pushing the urge down, he tapped the empty bottle against his leg as he watched Alex move around the room and closer to him.

She stepped past the new Commissioner, shook his hand and greeted him with a wide smile and laughed at whatever joke he told, before turning to him. Walking over, she pointed at him and said, "Your rep is getting attention from the higher ups."

"What rep?" he asked as he straightened off the wall; he wasn't sure if he liked where this was going.

Alex patted his chest and said, "For closing more cases than anyone else in the whole NYPD. Everyone's wondering why you're sticking with SVU and not returning to the Chief of D's squad."

And that was what Major Case felt like, the Chief of D's squad. Maybe that was why he didn't want to go back. He liked Chief Yarrow, but being considered the Chief's detective, and having to deal with the brass all the time wasn't want he wanted. They were constantly in the spotlight and he had enough of the spotlight. He had enough of his name in the paper, his face on the news, and being top-detective. He wanted out. He wanted to be a regular Joe cop again; blend in with the crowd or disappear into the corner at a ceremony like this one, and keep to himself.

Alex took the empty bottle from his hand and asked, "Want another?"

"Thank you; I'm going to find us a table."

Alex looked around and pointed to one in the back. "Olivia, Fin, and Munch are at that one. We can sit with them."

Bobby nodded as he started to head that way. He spotted a couple of Chiefs and several Captains at the bar and didn't feel like answering their questions.

Awhile later, as he tried not to be too bored sitting at the table and listening to the Mayor go on and on about the department and what his hopes were for the future of the city and the NYPD, Bobby felt his cell phone vibrate in his pocket. Pulling it out, he saw that he had a missed call and text from one of the AA members. It was an emergency.

Leaning into Alex, he told her, "I'm going to step outside to make a call."

"Everything okay?" she quietly asked.

"Yeah," he said as he kissed her on the cheek. "I'll be right back."

Bobby got up from the table and left the ballroom. He could've made the call in the lobby but felt like getting some air. Going out onto the sidewalk, he had left his cover on the table and didn't bother going back for it as he reread the text message from Teresa. She had recently joined, two weeks ago to be exact. She was thirty-two and had a daughter who'd been taken away from her by her ex-husband and the Judge who ruled her as an unfit mother because of her alcohol addiction. She was in rehab and going to meetings in order to get her daughter back.

Her text told him that she was depressed and in a bar. She needed to talk. He was reminded of Cragen calling him just last week when he had been desperate and tempted. Sometimes all it took was for someone to tell you to go home. He listened to the voicemail message she left first before calling her back. She was crying and in real bad shape. Apparently she was supposed to get her daughter that weekend for a visit but her ex had denied her the visit. Teresa hated her ex, but believed him when he told her that she wasn't good enough to be a mother.

Bobby knew that feeling all too well. He used to question himself and whether he'd be a good father or not. Now, he thought he could. His life was different now; he felt different now, and he was determined to help Teresa, and anyone else struggling, to see that they were different now as well. That they could get better because they were worth it. That was something he had to learn the hard way when it should have been so easy for him to know and understand. It took a lot of darkness, and pain, and misery, and mistakes to open his eyes. And he knew that if he could do it, so could anyone who wanted help.

It took him two tries to get through to her before she finally answered the phone. "Teresa? Hey, it's Bobby. You called me."

"I'm sorry to bother you, Bobby. But you said to call if I needed to talk."

"Yeah, I did, and you don't have to be sorry. Where are you? Have you done anything?"

"I'm at Milo's, it's on-"

"I know it." Bobby had been there a few times when he worked Narcotics. It was a dance club that played techno house music and had more black lights than CSU. There was a lot of party drugs going through that place from Ecstasy to Cocaine, and of course tons of alcohol. However, his main concern was that the club was also a hotspot for date rape drugs as well. "Have you taken anything or drank anything?" She was quiet and he got his answer. "Stay there, Teresa. Wait for me; I'm going to come get you and take you home. Do not leave with anyone."

"I screwed up. That bastard wouldn't let me see my little girl, Bobby." She started crying again and he held up his hand and called out for a taxi.

"Don't drink or take anything else either, okay. I'm on my way." Bobby shut his phone as he got in and told the driver the address.

He really didn't care if he was in his dress uniform and that he was abandoning the damn ceremony. He'd made a promise and he was going to keep it. Pulling his phone out, he called Alex. It went to her voice mail and he left her a message. Bobby knew she was going to be worry and slightly pissed off at him for ditching her like that, but it was an emergency. A friend needed him.

Getting to the club, the told the driver not to leave as he got and went inside. The looks he got were once of awe, shock, and disbelief. He ignored the looks of the mostly young crowd as he searched around for the woman he was looking for. She wasn't at the bar or at any of the dark tables along the walls. Heading down the hallway to the restrooms, he hesitated outside the woman's restroom before slowly pushing it open.

A few women were at the counter doing makeup, talking, and several were snorting coke. If he was still a narc, he'd had hit the jackpot with these ladies. None of them were Teresa and all of the stall doors were open and empty. None of the women even noticed that he'd opened the door. Letting it close behind him, he scratched his head and was about to head out when he decided to check the men's restroom.

Pushing the door open, he heard a very weak but audible of "stop" and "don't". The woman's words were slurred, but they were desperate for help.

"Shut up, bitch!" a man yelled and then he heard a sound of flesh smacking flesh.

He felt his jaw twitch as he yanked open at the stall door and saw a young man yanking Teresa's dress up. Grabbing hold of neck, he pulled him out and tossed him across the floor. At seeing him, the man paled and went to get up to run away when he grabbed him and tossed him against the wall. Pinning him there, he pulled out his cell and called it in.

Since he didn't have handcuffs on him, he grabbed him by the back of the neck, kicked his legs out from under him and held twisted his arm back and held him in place. Looking over his shoulder, he saw Teresa on the floor in a heap. She could barely move. Bobby knew that she'd been drugged. It was so hard to keep from pounding the man's head into the wall. HE felt the urge to do just that, and to hit him, but he took a deep breath and held himself together until backup arrived.

When the first officer entered the restroom, Bobby pulled the man off the wall and took him to the floor where he was cuffed and placed under arrest. He could've let the cop cuff him while he was held against the wall, but the man didn't deserve the dignity.

Going over to Teresa, he told the officer, "Her name's Teresa, she needs medical attention. I think she was drugged."

"EMT's are outside; they were getting the stretcher out when we came in," the officer told him before asking, "Did you come from the ceremony?"

Bobby nodded as he said, "She's a friend. She called me because she needed to talk to someone. She uh, took something herself, but I also think that guy put something in her drink. She's completely out of it."

"What's her last name?" the officer asked.

He looked over at him and shook his head. "I don't know."

"But she's a friend." The way the officer said that told him that he either didn't believe him, or he thought something else entirely about the two of them.

Before Bobby could say anything, the EMT's rushed in and he moved away so they could attend to her. Bobby followed the officers outside where he gave them a full statement of what happened; the phone call and text, and everything he saw and heard when he entered the restroom. They got his name, badge number, and phone number. Before he left, he talked to one of the EMT's and made sure Teresa was okay. She was still out cold, but the EMT told him that her vitals were stable.

Getting back into the taxi, he checked the time on his watch and told the driver to take him back to the Waldorf. Bobby saw her standing outside, arms crossed, and holding his cover in her hand as he got out and paid the taxi driver.

Alex shook her head and shoved the cover into his chest.

"Alex-"

"You said you would be right back. That was two hours ago!"

"I left a message."

"Two hours!" she repeated. "I didn't know what to think."

"I told you what I was doing. I had to help a friend-"

"You had to go running off like that? You couldn't have told your friend to leave the bar and go home?"

"She was almost raped tonight," he snapped. "If I hadn't shown up, she would've been."

Alex stopped her yelling as she stared at him. She took a breath and gave a nod. "Okay, but you still could've called and told me what was going on."

"I didn't think about it," he told her as he looked around and lowered his voice. "I'm sorry if I worried you."

Alex closed her eyes and shook her head. "Forget it. How is she?"

Bobby nodded as he told her, "In fair condition. She was drugged and the worst she'll have in the morning is some bruising and a headache, and with no memory of who tried to rape her. Luckily I was there to stop it and catch the guy."

"Detective Goren to the rescue," Alex said with a smirk as she smoothed down his tie and jacket. "What's your friend's name?"

"Teresa. I told her if she needed anything, or to talk, that she could call me."

She looked up at him and sighed in content. Alex didn't look like she liked the fact that he was giving his number out to a lot people who were struggling like he was, but she wasn't going to tell him not to do it. "Just don't run off like that again without telling me. I don't care if you want to help these people, but-"

"These people?"

"You know want I mean, Bobby."

He stared down at her as he said, "No, I don't know what you mean, Alex."

She squared off with him as she stared up at him and said, "Other alcoholics, and some of them are probably more trouble than-"

He shook his head and stepped away from her. "They're people like me and you. All they need is someone to listen to them, and support them-"

"And some of them aren't interested in getting help. Yeah, they may be at meetings but they could be like your brother. Talk program but not live it. They're not all like you, Bobby. And when one of them calls you for help or to talk, their intentions might not be as honorable as yours. You know just as well as I do how manipulative alcoholics can be."

Bobby felt his jaw twitch again and his pulse quicken as he stuffed his hands into his pockets to keep from balling them up. "Yeah, I know, but that doesn't mean I should turn my back on them when they call me for help. What would that make me?"

"Bobby-"

"What would that make me, Alex?! I'm one of them! If they try to use me, I'll walk away. But if one of them is being drugged and about to get raped in a fucking bathroom stall, I'm going to be there to keep it from happening!"

They stared at each other for a long time. He knew that she was only worried for him, his safety, but she didn't have to be. He knew what people were capable of, and he knew how addicts behaved and how they thought. He was one, and he was brought up by two, and his brother was another. A whole fucking family of addicts, of people with addictive personalities. And he hoped his child didn't take after any of them. Not even himself.

He wanted his child to be stronger and better than all of them, not only mentally but emotionally, spiritually…He wanted his child to succeed in every way that he had failed. And to ensure that happened, he had to succeed himself. He had to improve and get better, because he was the example. He couldn't break a promise and he sure as hell couldn't turn his back on someone in trouble.

Alex was the first to back down as she worked her jaw and shook her head. "The ceremony is over. Olivia and everyone are going to Ray's for drinks and dinner. I told her I would wait to see what you wanted to do."

Bobby paced around the sidewalk as he shrugged. He was hungry since he didn't get to eat anything at the ceremony, and he could go for a drink but it wasn't the kind he wanted. It never would be again. Giving a nod, he said, "Fine, let's go."

He started for the parking garage where his car was and Alex fell in step with him. Neither spoke as they made their way to the car.

"It's probably a good thing you left," she finally said as he started the car and backed out of the space. "If you had been there when I was being hit on, you would've went all alpha dog on the guy."

Bobby looked over at her in disbelief as he asked, "Someone was hitting on you? Who?"

Alex shrugged. "Some guy. He was cute too," she teased. "But I turned him down."

He shifted gears and headed out of the garage as he thought about some guy coming onto Alex. It made him see green. Bobby wasn't usually jealous, but he'd realized that with Alex, and because he loved her, he was. He didn't really like that about himself, but he had to be honest about it. She was right, if he had been there when she was being hit on, he would've gone, as Alex put it, all alpha dog on the guy.

Bobby found himself turning right when he should've turned left; heading to the bridge instead of the bar.

Alex didn't question it as she said, "I guess we'll order in instead, or I could cook?"

"Whatever you want," he told her without much emotion as he kept thinking about the whole night, and the things she'd said.

He didn't say anything else for the rest of the evening.

TBC…


	5. Sunday, May 22, 2005

A/N: Thank you for the reviews and to everyone reading! This is shorter than the others but I had nothing else to write for this day. Also, this story is going to be a long one, spanning the course of months, so I'm going to be skipping days and even weeks, to get to the main plot points and to show the gradual progress and struggle Bobby and Alex are going through with not only each other but their jobs and lives in general. Okay, I think that's it.

Also, if you got an email saying that the title was May 22, 2013...yeah, sorry about that; I'm tired, lol. The year this story takes place is 2005.

Enjoy!

* * *

_Prospect Park & Coney Island_

_Brooklyn_

The Brooklyn half marathon was the second in a series of five 13.1-mile races in each of New York's five boroughs throughout the year. It was a race Alex had run and looked forward to every year since he'd known her. That was one of the first things he'd learned about Alex when they became partners. She was a runner, and she loved to challenge herself by getting faster. These half marathons helped her to prepare for the big grand finale, the 26 mile ING New York City marathon in November. They had woken up hours earlier and gotten ready. He could tell she was excited and nervous as she barely spoke to him, but she was also still upset with him from last night.

Bobby didn't know what to say to her that he hadn't already said, so he let her be as he ate breakfast as she ate some yogurt, fruit, and energy snack bars along with plenty of water. She was dressed for the race and ready to go well before he was. He quickly changed and grabbed his keys; that was like a signal because she was out the door in a matter of seconds.

Now, standing across from the park, he could tell she was focused on the race and had probably forgotten all about him. Going up to her, he gave her a hug and kiss, wished her good luck, and told her he'd be waiting at the finish line on Coney Island. Alex smiled at him and headed over to the start line with the nearly 6,000 other runners. He watched as she jumped up and down a few times and blew into her hands. It was actually chilly out that morning; a sharp contrast to the humid heat they had for the past week and a half.

A shot rang out and the runners were off. Bobby smiled as everyone around him started to cheer them on. Alex disappeared in the mass of runners and he stepped away and headed to his car. Because of the roads being blocked off for the runners, and the thousands of people walking and driving to get to the finish line or to the course line to cheer the runners on, it took him almost an hour to drive to Coney Island.

He finally made it there but had to park several miles away. He walked along the sidewalk of the race route and heard cheering starting up from down the block, there were already runners approaching the final mile mark.

Bobby watched as several passed him as he continued to walk to the beach. The final stretch, barely under a mile, was along the famous Coney Island boardwalk. None of the runners he saw go by were Alex so he kept walking toward the boardwalk. He turned right on Surf Avenue and heard the crowd cheering again. Turning around, he leaned onto an open spot on the fence keeping the spectators out of the street, and saw Alex.

"Holy shit," he muttered before breaking out into a wide grin. His girl was fast. He remembered there being three who passed by him earlier, so if they were the first three, then that meant Alex would be fourth. She would qualify for the fourth place prize of a hundred dollars.

She was so focused on her running and breathing that Bobby knew she wouldn't see him standing there, cheering her on as she ran by him. Moving away from the fence, he hurried alongside the boardwalk to the finish line.

He was practically running himself as he reached the end and looked around for her. Alex was sitting on a bench, breathing heavily and downing some sports drink as he walked over to her.

"You're amazing," he said as he grabbed her up and kissed her.

Alex laughed as she kissed him back. "I was determined to win it. I got fourth."

"Which is amazing," he said again as he sat her down. "What was your time?"

"An hour, and thirty-two minutes, nineteen seconds," she said breathlessly with a grin.

"God," he shook his head. "I'll still be at mile seven if I was running it."

Alex chuckled as she finished off her sports drink. "I'm so ready for November, Bobby." She trailed off as she shook her head. "And I won't even be able to run it."

He reached out and took her hand. "At least you'll be there, and I'll be with you."

Smiling at him, she gave his hand a squeeze as she said, "This is my last race until after I have our baby. It was a good one."

"You finished fourth," he said as he broke out into a smile. "It was an amazing one," he told her again. Giving her a kiss, he told her, "I'm proud of you."

Alex pulled him into a hug and held him for a moment before getting up. They had to wait until all the runners were done and the prizes handed out before they could leave, so they walked around the boardwalk and grabbed some food. Since Alex training any longer, and eating for two, she tossed her diet out the window as she joined him in burgers and fries and ice cream and a whole lot of junk food.

Once she received her hundred dollar prize for her fourth place finish, they headed to his car hand-in-hand.

* * *

_En-Route to Carmel Ridge_

"Where're we going?" Alex asked as he made a turn away from the interstate.

They had returned home long enough for Alex to shower and change clothes after the race. Then they had gotten back in the car so they could go upstate to visit his mother. Bobby was slightly nervous with seeing her, but even more nervous with Alex meeting her for the first time. It didn't matter because no matter what happened, what his mother said, Alex was going to be his wife and the mother of his child.

"I want to see someone else first," Bobby told her as he headed east toward Queens.

"Who?" she asked in confusion.

"Frank."

Alex was quiet for a moment as she stared over at him. "Frank? I don't think-"

"He's my brother."

"I know that, but why do you have to tell him now? Can't you do it over the phone?"

"I tried calling him, he's not answering. And I want to talk to him anyway."

"He's not invited to the wedding, Bobby."

He stepped on the break and down shifted, causing the car to lurch to a stop and he stared over at her. "Says who? He's my brother, if he wants to come, he can come."

"You can't be serious. He's-"

"He's what?" he asked as the car behind him honked. Bobby turned back to driving as he entered the Cypress Hill neighborhood. "You can say it, Alex. Tell me what my brother is."

"He's a drug addict and I don't think it's appropriate to have him at our wedding."

"Alex," he said as he shook his head. "As long as my brother is alive, I will not shut him out of my life. Yes, he's an addict, but I love him and he's my brother," he stressed again. "I want him to know. I want to invite him to my wedding. Will he show up? Probably not, but at least I didn't ignore the fact that he exists." Looking over at her, he asked, "Can you understand that? I mean, you do have brothers of your own. If one of them had a problem, you wouldn't stop loving them. You wouldn't stop wanting to help them either, or include them in your life."

Alex sighed and he felt his hand tighten on the steering wheel at her frustration with him. "Is this about the program? Are you going to try and get him to clean himself up? Bobby, you can't save everyone, especially not someone like Frank."

Bobby stopped at a light as he stared out the windshield. He heard the bitterness in her voice and he bristled at it. "The only person who has the right to hate my brother in this car is me. I can hate him all I want too, but I also know how much I love him. I can hate his actions, I can hate all his reasons why he's an addict, and I can hate the fact that he's lost to me, probably for life. But no matter how often and how badly he screws up, he's family. I will not disown him, and I don't appreciate you disowning him either. Like it or not, he's going to be part of your family too. And he's going to be an uncle."

"You're going to let him be around our child?"

"If he wants to be, and if he's clean and sober when he does it, I have no problem with him being around my child. He's actually a pretty good guy when he's not messed up. He usually goes about things in the wrong way, and all he cares about is money to support his habit, but…he does care. Why do you think he stays away from me?"

"Because he doesn't care to be your brother," she said angrily, bitterly.

Bobby nearly laughed at that. "No. He doesn't come around because he knows he's messed up, he knows he'll embarrass me, and he knows he'll only cause me problems. He cares enough about me to stay away. If he didn't care, he would have done a lot worse. He would be at my place every month asking for money, he would have stolen my car by now, or he would have called me when he got arrested two years ago. He didn't. He hasn't done anything to me, Alex, because he doesn't want to cause me trouble. That's how much he loves me."

"How'd you know that's what he's thinking, Bobby? For all you know, he could just not care. He did tell Caleb about you, and Nicole."

"He didn't know who they were, Alex. They manipulated him. Yes, he was wrong to tell them anything, but it wasn't like he was doing it out of anger or malice or revenge. He told Caleb about me being a cop because he was proud of me and thought he was helping the kid out." He looked over at her and shook his head. "I know Frank; I know him better than he knows himself. Why do you think he didn't tell me that I wasn't our dad's son? He could've used that against me our whole lives. He could've disowned me if he wanted to, but he never did. He never once told me he knew. He never once told me we had different fathers."

Alex grew quiet. She looked confused, and worried, as she shook her head. "I don't know why he didn't say anything, but I bet it wasn't to help you out."

Bobby turned back to focusing on the road as he said, "I do know why, and it was to help me out." He made a left and found a spot to park in front of the building his brother lived in. "I'll be back in a minute," he told her as he got out of the car and headed across the street as the 'J' subway train sped by over him on the elevated subway train.

He headed up to the floor his brother lived on and down the hallway. The apartment building was actually quiet, and he knew it was because it was early afternoon. The dealers and addicts didn't come out until dark. Banging on the door, he waited for his brother to answer.

When no one answered, he banged again, and again, until finally the chain lock fell against the door. It opened and he saw Frank half asleep, shirtless, and in desperate need of a shave standing in front of him.

Frank wrinkled his head in confusion as he said, "Bobby, what're you doing here?"

"I need to talk to you."

"Now?" he asked but he was letting him in as he moved the door back to let him in.

Bobby stepped inside and looked around the small cluttered apartment. He was actually surprised his brother was letting him in. The last time they spoke, he'd been rough with him, violent. Frank always did forgive him for his behavior, no matter how many times he'd hit the guy.

Frank shut the door and then headed to the bedroom to put on a shirt. He returned rubbing a hand through his unruly wavy hair, trying to look somewhat decent. "Is it an emergency?"

He stared at him for a moment, taking in his thinner frame and loose clothes. "Have you eaten?"

Frank stared right back at him as he shrugged. "Yeah."

"When?"

"Uh, I don't know, yesterday sometime," Frank said before asking in confusion, "Why're you here?"

Bobby gestured for him to sit down as he walked over to the couch. They sat and he eyed the table that was full of stuff, empty beer bottles and indications of his brother's narcotics habit. "I want to talk to you about a couple of things. Uh, first, I wanted to apologize for my behavior the last time I was here." He looked over at his brother and saw the surprise on his face. He didn't believe him. "I'm serious, Frank. I'm sorry. I'm not just sorry for the last time, but for all the times before when I'd been drunk and hit you. That was completely wrong of me, and unacceptable. You don't have to forgive me-"

Frank put his hand on his shoulder as he said, "You're my brother, Bobby. I'll never stay mad at you, you know that."

Bobby smiled and gave a nod. "Thanks."

Frank kept his hand on his shoulder as he continued to study him. "Something's different about you? You got a woman?"

Bobby laughed and rubbed his head. "Yeah, I do, actually. Um…that's another thing I wanted to talk to you about. I'm getting married."

Frank smiled wide and slapped him on the arm. "My little brother's getting hitched? That's great. Who is she?"

"She's a cop too, detective. We, uh…it's a long story, but uh, we've been together awhile. I love her, so…we're getting married and having a kid."

Frank's eyes got wide as he said, "Oh, shit. You knocked her up too?"

He gave a nod as he glanced over at Frank, smiling. "Yeah, I did."

"Oh, wow…" Frank sighed before saying, "I'm going to be an uncle." He sat still for a moment and then said, "Let's celebrate. I've got a couple of beers in the fridge."

As Frank went to standup, Bobby stopped him and shook his head. "I don't drink anymore." Once his brother sat back down, he took a breath and explained by simply telling him, "I'm an alcoholic, Frank. I've been in AA for over two months now, been sober for seventy-four days."

Frank gapped and then sat back, rubbing his head. He was quiet for a long time. Bobby could tell by his expression that he was thinking. "That's why you apologized. Step nine."

Bobby looked at Frank as he told him, "It wouldn't have mattered if I was in the program or not, I was still wrong and I would've apologized."

He looked over at him and he saw a light in his brother's eyes he hardly ever saw. "I'm happy for you. You've been dealing with that addiction since you were a fucking kid, Bobby."

Bobby wished he could say the same to Frank. And he hoped one day he could. "I want you at my wedding. I want you to be an uncle and know your nephew or niece…but, you have to be sober." He looked up at him and saw the conflict in his blue eyes. "I want you to come with me, every Monday night, to the meetings."

Frank sighed and stiffened slightly. He knew the battle going on within his brother because it was the same battle he felt, and had felt, before he decided to get help. It was hard to do, hard to admit that you were that weak, powerless, and dependent on something that you relied on so deeply, even passionately. "Can I think about it?"

Bobby didn't want Frank think about it because he knew Frank would weasel his way out of it if he let him. "You've had over twenty years to think about it."

Frank stared at him and then he swallowed hard, saying, "Monday, that's tomorrow. What time?"

Bobby shook his head. "I'm not going to tell you because I know you probably won't be here when I come by."

Frank went to protest but thought better of it. Bobby could tell he wasn't as messed up as he usually was. That meant that Frank either had a job or girlfriend, or both. He would get somewhat clean for those things; never for himself though. Frank never cared that much about himself to think he was worth it. Alex thought he had a self-confidence problem, she had yet to meet his brother. "You have no faith in me?"

Bobby looked at him as he said, "Not yet; go with me Monday, and I'll start having faith in you. Promise me you'll be here."

Frank leaned his head back on the couch, obviously defeated, and gave a nod. "I promise you, I'll be here."

He didn't get up yet as he stared at the picture that was across the room, taped to the wall. It was the same one he'd stared at before when he couldn't remember who he was. It was of his dad. "I've even forgiven him, too." He looked away from the picture and at his brother who was staring at the picture too. "Maybe you should try it."

Frank closed his eyes and he saw the restraint of anger building in him. He took a breath and nodded again.

Bobby smiled and patted Frank on the face, causing him to smile in embarrassment and turn away. "I'll see you Monday."

As he got up to leave, he heard Frank say, "You really have changed."

"All for the better," he told him as he opened the front door. "It's not worth it."

"What isn't?"

"Hating ourselves for what they did to us," he told Frank as he stared over at him with the door half open. "It's just not worth it, living that way."

Frank just stared at him as he smiled before turning to leave. As he headed back down to the car, he hoped he would see Frank tomorrow.

Alex was looking more relaxed and forgiving as he got back into the car. She took his hand as he went to start the car and said, "I'm sorry for what I said."

He looked over at her, seeing the genuine sincerity in her eyes, and smiled before starting the car. As he pulled out into traffic, he told her, "I'm going to take Frank with me to the meeting tomorrow." When Alex didn't say anything, he glanced over at her. Her eyes were closed and she was rubbing at her forehead. "You think it's a mistake?"

"I think you're trying to make right everything that had gone wrong in your life before, and yes, it's a mistake."

Bobby didn't think it was a mistake; letting Frank run away from him his whole life was the mistake. Giving a curt nod, he said, "Yeah, I'm trying to right a lot of wrongs. But you've got to understand why I'm doing it. I committed myself, and I'm not going to do it half-assed. I have to give it a hundred percent, Alex. I have to go all in or else I know I won't succeed. I'll go back to drinking because I'll fall back into the same habits as before, the same self-destructive tendencies, and I will wallow in misery and drown myself in as much alcohol as I can, like I've always done. I'll be angrier and fearful and I won't be the husband or father you need me to be. I know you can understand that. And part of giving this a hundred percent is helping fellow addicts. My brother is an addict. I cannot_ not_ help him and be all right with myself. I have to do this. It's part of my responsibility to help him."

She sat quiet listening to him as he explained before she said, "What if putting all of this stress on your shoulders-"

"Stress?" he asked in confusion as he looked over at her. "This isn't stressing me out. It's...Alex, it's a relief. I've never felt as free and clear and stable as I do right now. Talking to Frank, and knowing what he's going through, it helps. It helps me, and it'll help him. You-…You're not getting it."

"How could this possibly help anyone?" she asked. "He's been to rehab how many times?"

"He's not alone this time."

Alex was quiet and he knew she was having a hard time accepting what he'd said. "What if it doesn't work out and it pushes you back to drinking?"

"It won't."

"How do you know—"

"I don't know, Alex," he snapped before catching himself. Bobby took a breath and shifted gears as he got on the interstate. He was quiet as he maneuvered through traffic as he picked up speed. "I have to try," he finally said. "How can I know if I don't try?" he asked as he glanced over at her.

She didn't say anything to that; in fact, she didn't say anything at all for the rest of the drive, and neither did he.

* * *

_Carmel Ridge_

_Carmel, New York_

Alex was incredibly nervous; she had no idea what to expect from Bobby's mother, or of Bobby himself once they got there. She was introduced to a couple of people; nurses and workers of the facility who Bobby knew and who he relied on to watch over his mother and care for her. They welcomed Bobby with smiles and looked to her in wonderment.

Bobby introduced her to everyone as simply his fiancée before heading through a locked door that he had to press a code for and toward his mother's room. Alex spotted several people in the common area, talking to one another, playing card or board games, and reading. She spotted one woman standing at the window and just staring out at the world, nearly motionless.

"This is her room," he said as he pointed to it.

Alex looked inside but didn't see anyone. "Where is she?"

"It's three. She's in with her psychiatrist right now. We've got half an hour," he told her as he walked into the room and looked around.

Alex watched him for a second before looking around herself. She took in the paintings, the bookcases full of books and knickknacks, and the pictures she had of her two sons. There weren't many, only two that she could see in frames. One was of Bobby and Frank as little boys; Bobby looked to be about seven in the picture, give or take. The other was Bobby graduation picture from the police academy. That was it. There were no recent pictures of Frank or Bobby.

She looked over at him and saw him standing in front of the bookcase; he was examining a small music box. "It's nice."

"I got it for her for Christmas. She wasn't as flattering."

"What'd she say?"

He shook his head. "Not much...she hit me."

Alex grimaced as she crossed her arms over her chest. "If you want to go-"

"Go, already? You just got here."

She turned toward the voice and saw a frail old woman stand by the door. Alex saw her big brown eyes focused on her but looking to Bobby for an introduction.

Turning to Bobby, she saw him gripping the shelf of the bookcase, eyes closed like he was in pain, and she saw his lips moving. Stepping closer, she heard barely heard his words.

"Grant me the serenity of mind to accept that which cannot be changed; courage to change that which can be changed, and wisdom to know the one from the other," Bobby whispered to himself before opening his eyes. He looked over at her and then at his mother, letting go of the shelf he cleared his throat and said, "Mom, this is Alex Eames. Alex, this is my mother, Francis."

Francis Goren studied her as she shuffled into the room. She looked her over, head-to-toe, then said, "My, aren't you a tiny thing."

"Ma."

"Well she is compared to you," she countered as she stopped in front of her. "And just who are you Alex; the reason why my no-good son stopped coming to see his mother, I suppose?"

Bobby stepped in front of her as he addressed his mother. "I'll appreciate it if you don't talk to my fiancée that way."

His mother stopped and stared at him for a long moment. Alex couldn't tell what she was thinking or feeling other than shock.

Then Francis said, "Fiancée? What's it been, two months and you're-"

"Try a little over two years," he told him mom as he stepped closer to her and never breaking eye contact. Bobby stopped right in front of her and said, "You're invited to the wedding, but you don't have to come. Call me when you have your answer," he told her before walking away, out the door.

"Bobby? Bobby!" Francis called after him and then turned to her.

Alex was also shocked with how short he'd been with his mom, and he didn't even tell her that he was having a kid neither. She excused herself and went to find him. He was outside, leaning against his car, arms crossed over his chest, and he looked suddenly withdrawn. "What the hell was that?"

He shook his head as he reached up to rubbed at his neck. "I don't know what happened. One minute I was centered and ready to confront her, to be patient and talk it out, the next…all I could think of was how much I resented her. I had to leave. I didn't mean for it to happen that way, Alex. I'm sorry I brought you all the way up here only to leave it like that."

Alex pointed at him and said, "You're not leaving it like that. You're going back in there and apologizing to your mother."

Bobby stared at her as he worked his jaw. She could tell that he was keeping himself from getting angry. And she didn't know why, but a part of her wanted him to get angry. She wanted him to start yelling and going off like he always did. She wanted some sort of reaction out of him other than this holier than thou act he'd been on for the past two months.

"I'm not getting into that car until you do," she told him, giving him the ultimatum. "And while you're apologizing, you can tell her that she's going to be a grandmother."

He breathed out and shook his head. "I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because you don't know her!" he snapped and kicked at the door behind him, denting it in. He turned and looked down at the dent. Bobby stared at it for a long time without saying anything at all.

Alex sighed and crossed her arms. She was willing to wait him out but he seemed to be willing to just stand there, staring at his car.

Then he turned and walked by her. She turned and followed him back inside, through the reception area, down the locked hallway, and into his mother's room. Francis was standing where Bobby had been earlier; she was in front of the bookcase and she had the music box he said he'd bought her for Christmas.

Bobby stepped up to her but didn't touch her as he stuffed his hands in his pockets and said softly, "I shouldn't have snapped at you, ma. That was wrong of me…I apologize."

Francis put the box back on the shelf and turned to him. Alex saw sadness in her eyes as she nodded and went over to the couch where she sat down. She patted the couch next to her and Alex looked to Bobby; he nodded briefly as he turned back to the shelf.

Alex sat down next to Francis Goren for the first time and let her ask her anything she wanted. They talked for a while and it was clear that she was still aggravated from earlier, but that she was willing to put it aside for now.

Francis wasn't happy at all that she was also a cop and made a disappointing remark about it to her son.

Bobby just stood there across the room and took it as he gave a nod and flexed his jaw.

Alex watched him closely and realized that he must have done that often; not just as an adult but as a boy too. She remembered how he was with her sometimes when she said something to him that was nearly condescending or hurtful. He did the same thing with her; he just took it until he couldn't take it any longer and lost his temper.

She felt sorry for him, and mad at herself, as she smiled at something Francis said about how she wanted to him be happy. "I want him to be happy too, Ms. Goren. That's why I'm with him."

Francis then asked, "When's the wedding?"

"This coming weekend," Alex told her and looked to Bobby. She didn't want to be the one to tell his mom, but it still seemed like Bobby wasn't going to do it. "There's something else you need to know," she said as she looked back to Francis. "I'm…We're going to have a baby."

Francis looked from her to Bobby, stunned. "What? Oh," she said as her hand shot up to her mouth. Alex saw the sudden joy and tears in her eyes. "I'm going to be a grandmother! How wonderful!" she said in excitement as she reached to clasp her hand in hers. "Boy or girl?"

"I don't know yet," she said with a soft chuckle. "We just found out."

"Oh, that's wonderful. It would've been better to have been married before, though. So it wouldn't be a bastard child."

Bobby stilled at those words as he glared hard as his mother. Alex saw the change and went to say something to him but it was too late. "What'd you call my child?" he snapped.

It surprised Alex how low he kept his voice despite the amount of anger she saw rolling off him. "Bobby, calm down. She-"

"You're one to talk," he said to his mom, cutting her off. "At least I know who the mother of my child is and who it will always be. You and dad are just the same, and out of your indiscretion, you had me! What the fuck does that make me? No wonder you always favor Frank, he's William's son. You can't even tell me who my father is!"

Francis sat stunned, gapping at her son as more tears rolled down her eyes but this time it wasn't from joy. Alex now understood why Bobby didn't want to see his mother. He feared this exact reaction. She got up and walked over to him, pushing him on the chest and trying to calm him down. It was too late.

Alex heard the sudden rambling of Francis and realized it wasn't normal, she was breaking. "Bobby, get a nurse. Bobby! Get a nurse," she stressed as she finally pushed him toward the door.

He stared at his mother and then down at her. His breathing was rapid and he looked ready to snap, to hit something, before he turned around and opened the door.

Once Francis was in her bed, sedated and sleeping, Alex walked out into the hallway where Bobby was standing and leaning against the wall across from the room. She walked up to him and smacked him hard and part of her didn't even know why she was so angry, but she was.

Bobby took the slap and barely moved. He closed his eyes, took a breath, and gave a nod as he pushed himself off the wall and walked down the hall without saying anything.

Alex apologized to the nurse who witnessed that before walking down the hall to the exit.

He was once again at the car but this time he was sitting in the driver's seat with it already started. As soon as she got in, he put it in reverse and backed out of the space then left the parking lot.

"Bobby-"

"I had it coming," he told her. "I lost my temper and I shouldn't have said what I said."

Alex nodded but still felt she had to apologize. "I'm sorry for smacking you."

Bobby didn't say anything to her apology as he shifted gears while stepping on the gas. He took the onramp to the interstate and shifted gears again while increasing his speed.

"You need to slow down," she told him as she saw he wasn't wearing his seatbelt. "And put your seatbelt on."

Bobby didn't give any indication that he had heard her as he got the car up to 180 mph. Alex felt like hitting him again but before she could do or say anything, he begun to slow the car, getting it back to 80. He reached over quickly to grab the belt and put it on before saying softly, "Sorry. I wasn't thinking."

"I'd say."

He took a breath and looked over at her, saying, "If I ever forget again that you're pregnant and I do something stupid like that, just remind me, okay?"

Alex looked over at him and agreed. "Don't worry, I will."

He seemed to be settling as he reached over and took her hand, giving it a squeeze going back to driving. Then he said softly, "Our child isn't a bastard."

"I know, Bobby, and neither are you. I love you."

He glanced over at her but didn't smile. She didn't know what he was thinking, but she knew it wasn't good.

TBC…


	6. Monday, May 23, 2005

A/N: Thanks for the reviews everyone! It seems like it took me forever to get this chapter written; I hope you all like it.

Enjoy!

* * *

_Bobby & Alex's Apartment_

After the fiasco with Bobby's mother, they had returned home in silence. It had started to become a common occurrence lately, especially when they disagreed. Before when they got to this point they would end up getting into a heated argument. It wasn't the best way to communicate but at least they had talked and issues had been dealt with.

Now, Bobby hardly got upset or let his determined need to be right all the time get the best of him. He would raise his hands, turn around and walk away, or tell her that she was right without much of a fight to prove otherwise-even when she was in the wrong. The worst part of it was that she should've been happy. She should be glad he was more willing to let the issue drop, and that she got her way. But, she wasn't.

She never wanted to get her way just because. It actually infuriated her that he'd become so passive and, in a way, impassionate in his emotions and opinions. It wasn't apathy; he wasn't being apathetic, he just wasn't being as headstrong and stubborn. He was no longer bound to the burdens that he'd been chained to since she'd known him. Therefore, he was no longer as temperamental and excessively expressive as he'd once been. All those things were lessened or even dulled to the point of near nonexistence.

Granted Bobby was happier, calmer, and more in control, but she couldn't help but think of the price he had to pay to get there. She couldn't help but think of how he had treated his mother and his sudden acceptance of his brother. She couldn't help but think that this was just the eye of the storm. She was waiting for the backlash; the second and most powerful wave of the storm to hit. That was how she thought of their relationship. It was a whirlwind of good and bad, ups and downs, the calm light of day and then the thunderous dark of night.

Things were better with them, better than she could remember it being in a really long time, but despite the good she found herself feeling bitter. She found herself being the one to get angry when there was really no reason for it. When she should be happy and feeling proud of Bobby, she felt anger, bitterness, and even resentment. The more she tried to calm herself down or reason it out the worse it got. And she had no idea why.

She felt Bobby shift in the bed and nearly jumped. Looking over at him, Alex watched as he slept peacefully next to her. She wasn't used to that. He was usually the one who couldn't sleep and who would need a half bottle of scotch and a few beers just to be able to lie down.

That was another thing; she kept thinking that at any moment he was going to snap. Not in a complete and utter devastating way, but that he was going to collapse. That this calmer, gentler Bobby was somehow a façade and that at any moment the illusion would disappear and he would break and start yelling again, or throw a scotch bottle across the room, or smack and hit doors and tables and the walls. No matter what he did or said to reassure her he wouldn't, she was having a hard time accepting it.

It pained her to know that she'd lied before when he asked. The last thing she wanted to do was to tell him that she didn't have the same sense of faith in him that he had in himself. And she didn't know why he felt he had to suddenly save everyone.

What if he couldn't save anyone, not even himself? What then?

"You're worrying too loud, babe," he said. It sounded muffled in her pillow that his face was half buried in.

"How'd you know I'm worrying?"

"Because it's four in the morning and you're wide awake," he told her before lifting his head and kissing her cheek. "Whatever I did to worry you so much, I'm sorry."

Alex looked at him in the dark room. In the silence she could hear that damn cat purring on the other side of Bobby's head. Frowning, she said, "Since when do you apologize without a reason?" It came out as a demand and even in the dark she saw him flinch.

He leaned his head back to fully look at her. "Since I felt like it, that's when," he told her before rolling over and getting out of bed.

"I didn't mean that, Bobby. I haven't gotten any sleep."

"Then why don't you do that instead of bitching at me for apologizing," he told her as he left the room.

Another thing Bobby did a lot more of was say whatever it was on his mind without any fear of her kicking him in his kneecaps. He used to only mumble those things under his breath. She sighed and shook her head, mostly at herself. This was what confused her. He had apologized and she, for some reason, had been bitter. What was going on? None of this was making any sense; it wasn't right and she didn't know how to fix it.

The water to the shower started and she looked over at the clock. It was after four and way too early for her to start getting ready for work, but she couldn't go to sleep now; it'd be useless. So while Bobby showered, she made coffee and then went into the bathroom to go pee and brush her teeth.

Bobby yelped as she flushed and turned on the tap. "I'm showering," he protested as he pulled the curtain back to look at her.

"You're taking too long."

He cupped a handful of water from the spray and tossed it at her. Alex moved away as some caught her on the arm and legs. Rolling her eyes, she went back to brushing. Once he was done, he left the water going for her as she handed him a towel. She stopped him before he could leave the bathroom.

Pushing up on her toes, she kissed him and apologized again for her behavior.

"It's okay," he told her, "Maybe you should talk to someone about not being able to sleep?"

"Look who's talking?" she shot back. "You have to take ibuprofen and allergy pills every night."

He stared down at her and said, "I'm in pain, and we have a kitten."

"No, you have a cat that you insist on keeping despite your allergies."

"It's not like it's a deadly allergic reaction. Tons of people have cats that they're allergic to. And that doesn't change the fact that you haven't been sleeping lately." Bobby leaned down and kissed her, then said as he stepped back, "I'm not telling you get on sleeping pills, but it might be beneficial to talk to someone. If it can't be me, and you don't think you need a professional, there's always your family."

She watched as he walked around her. "You want me to talk to my family about us?"

"If it's us that's keeping you awake, and if it'll help," he said from the hallway. "You're not talking to me."

Alex went to follow him out but remembered the shower. Not wanting to get into it now, and thinking she wouldn't get anywhere with him anyway, she shut the door and started to undress.

When she returned to the kitchen almost an hour later, Bobby had cooked and there was a plate and bowl of fruit made for her sitting on the table. She filled a cup with coffee, stirred in some sugar, and sat across from him. Bobby was engrossed in the paper so she left him alone as she ate the eggs, bacon, and waffles. She saved the fruit for last and got up to get a yogurt as well.

She had felt sluggish and lightheaded while showering, but after eating and drinking coffee felt more awake. Looking over at Bobby, she stared at the newspaper and took in the morning headlines featuring the new Police Commissioner along with news of the NBA playoffs. She noticed the date and realized it was yesterday's paper.

Bobby was reading the last page before folding it over to glance at the back.

She chose then to tell him, "We talk."

Bobby dropped the paper as he stared at her. He took a drink of coffee and leaned back in the chair before saying, "We do? Because the only one doing all the talking around here lately is me, and when you do talk, it's always only after I bring something to your attention. You want us to talk, talk. Tell me why you can't sleep."

She sighed and felt her impatience at his demand for her to talk. Where did he get off telling her that she was the one not communicating? All he ever did was ignore her, kept everything inside, and refused to say anything until he was backed into a corner. "I've got a lot of things on my mind, Bobby, that's why."

"What things?"

She rubbed at her forehead before leaning on the table, telling him, "Everything: my parents, the wedding, the baby, you, work...all of it. I'm actually surprised that you of all people can sleep with everything that's going on."

Bobby gave a nod and rubbed at his jaw. "I can understand your parents.. But, the wedding...Alex, there's nothing for you to worry about. WeWe both want this, and no matter how we do it, we'll still be together. As for the baby, I'm worried too, but I also know how amazing you are. You've done this before and I trust you to know what's best. And, work is work. You're always the one to leave on time and able to let it all go at the end of the day." He leaned forward and took her hand in his and said, "As for me...how am I keeping you up at night?"

That was her Bobby, the deductive reasoner. Not wanting to get into this right now, and still not knowing why she was acting the way she was, she just shook her head and told him, "You're not. It's more with everything else and I'm just worrying too much."

He didn't look away as he stared at her, took in her face and eyes, before nodding. She knew he wasn't satisfied with that answer, but he let it go as he got up. Alex felt a sudden need to assure him by telling him what was really on her mind but couldn't. She was so used to walking on eggshells around him that it was still unnerving for him to be that open. She found herself not being able to trust his openness. Somehow, it felt like a trap. It should have been the exact opposite, but for some reason it wasn't.

Bobby gathered all his stuff together: his wallet, keys, binder, and his personal weapon which he put at the small of his back. He took his suit jacket off the back of the chair and pulled it on. "Elliot comes back today; he'll be on limited duty, working a desk until next week."

"That's great," she said as she watched him. He seemed withdrawn and she knew it was her fault. "Bobby, it really isn't that important. I'm just so caught up in everything that's happening-"

"You don't have to explain yourself," he told her as he leaned down, kissed her quickly on the lips, and then headed out.

She didn't hear him start his car and when she left a half-hour later, she saw his Mustang still parked next to her Toyota. He must have decided to take the subway.

* * *

_En-Route Bedford Street Subway Station_

_Greenpoint/Williamsburg, Brooklyn_

Deciding against driving into work Bobby took the long walk from his neighborhood to the L train subway station. In Greenpoint, the only train to come through was the G, but it stopped before it reached Manhattan; that meant he had to either jump on the G and then transfer to the L train or-and this was what Bobby usually did-walk thirty minutes to 7th and Bedford to catch the L to ignore the changing of trains. He really disliked changing trains. Once he was on one, he didn't want to worry about trying to get off just to catch another.

Once on the L, he would ride that to Union Square where he would either catch the number 4 or 6 train to the Canal Street station. The 16th Precinct was only a short walk from there. It was simple, easy, and gave Bobby plenty of time to stop off for breakfast if he so chose. Since he had cooked that morning there was no reason to stop off; however, it was a long walk and as he smelt the morning coffee brewing and baking bread, he felt his mouth water.

The reason why he wanted to walk was because he was angry with Alex and he needed to think. He couldn't really think while driving because he had too much to pay attention to on the street. And he also didn't like driving while he was that angry. He knew she'd been holding back. It really bothered him seeing how he was putting so much effort into changing his ways. He was being more open and willing to talk because he had to start letting her in. It helped that the meetings forced him to talk. Once he got it out to a group of people he barely knew or trusted but they understood, then it was much easier to talk to Alex whom he did know and trust but who didn't understand.

He was making the effort, living by his new code of behavior in order to have a better life, and she was now the one resisting. Bobby didn't understand but he was hoping to by tonight. He had a thought, a theory to her sudden animosity. He would look into it either after work or after the meeting depending on the time. Then he would confront her.

As he walked, he took in the neighborhood he lived in. It was getting better, nicer, and actually cleaner. The best part though was the Polish store coming up on the corner. And like just about every morning when he took that walk, Bobby decided to stop off to grab his usual cup of coffee and the morning paper. Hell, he might go ahead and get something to eat as well. He was never too full for Polish sausage.

His spoken Polish wasn't nearly as good as his German, but fortunately Paul spoke excellent English. Paul wasn't the guy's birth name, but that was what everyone in the neighborhood called him, including Bobby.

"Cześć, Bobby," Paul greeted as soon as he stepped in out of the cool morning air.

Bobby knew that one; he had said 'hello'. "Hey, Paul," he said as he grabbed the early edition of the days paper. The one he read at home had been from yesterday.

Shortly after moving to Greenpoint, Bobby realized that Paul was not only a talker, but second generation American. His parents' parents had immigrated to the U.S. years ago and set up shop in the part of Brooklyn known as "Little Poland". Decades later, their grandson still kept the store going. It didn't take long for them to get to know each other seeing how he was just the talker as Paul.

Taking the opportunity to try and get his pronunciation right, Bobby asked him how he was, "Jak się masz?"

Some of what Paul said he didn't quite understand; he too busy trying to decide what kind of roasted coffee he wanted, but Bobby did hear that his wife was doing better from the back surgery operation a month ago. Had it been that long since he'd been in the store?

Bobby looked over to Paul at the counter as he said, "I'm glad she's okay." He then asked as he turned back to the coffee selections, "How about the Mets this year?"

"So far the seasoning's looking promising. We gotta chance."

Paul had a chance. Bobby was a Yankees fan. Filling a cup to the brim with the Colombian roasted coffee, the sign said it was 'bold', he omitted out of adding cream. He wanted straight up coffee and caffeine since he was craving a drink and smoke instead. "Kawa," he told him as he sat the coffee down on the counter. Not knowing the word for newspaper, he tossed it down saying, "Paper and, uh…a kielbasa, yeah?"

"You want your usual?"

"Tak," Bobby said, remembering the Polish word for 'yes'. Now if he could remember 'please' he wouldn't sound like a prick. "Please."

"Proszę…word for please," Paul told him as he prepared the food. He added the wrapped sausage to his order. "That'll be $6.66...wait a minute. I'll add a pack of gum to that if I were you."

Chuckling, he picked up a pack of gum he liked and added it. "Superstitious? And what's with the discount?"

Paul shrugged, saying, "I like you. Best cop I know. And I'm superstitious every time the Mets play. I rub my lucky rabbit's foot, avoid all ladders and black cats, and wear the same Mets hat I've had since '86. That'll be $7.76."

Taking a ten out of his wallet, he handed it to Paul and waited for the change. "Eighty-six, huh? Wasn't that the last time the Mets won the World Series?"

Paul gave him that glare, the one that was supposed to make Bobby feel intimidated, but then he betrayed the animosity as he laughed. "I was at game six."

"Game six, impressive. You know, the last time the Mets were at the World Series, the Yankees beat them." The gum went into his pocket before he folded the paper in half to stuff it into his inside jacket pocket.

"Hey, fuck you," Paul called out as Bobby made his way to the door. Yep, Paul was definitely born and bred in New York. "The Mets are goin' all the way this year, just watch. Yankees are over, done for. They got too many hot-heads on that team."

The thing was he knew Paul was right, but Bobby laughed anyway and shook his head. He couldn't let him know that he was secretly rooting for the Mets this year. Where would be the fun in that?

"And, hey, proszę bardzo," _You're welcome_ Paul called out before Bobby could step out the door.

"Dziękuję," Bobby thanked him before leaving.

The hot coffee did little to ease his cravings, but it did warm him as he sipped on it while heading to the subway. That early in the morning there weren't too many people fighting for a piece of real-estate on the sidewalk. Coming up on his left was the diner he liked to stop in sometimes if he was way ahead of schedule. He unwrap the kielbasa and started to eat while continuing the walk. Through the window of the diner he spotted Irene placing an order of hot cakes and bacon in front of an early morning customer. Bobby recognized the guy as Matt McMullen, a sanitation worker for the city. They'd talked a few times. Matt was a nice guy who was in love with Irene. Or so Matt told her every time she filled his cup with more coffee.

Stopping at the corner, Bobby finished the food and tossed the wrapper in the trash bin as he felt the desire to smoke start to itch at his control. Despite the awful taste, smell, and pain in his chest that smoking caused, he was having a hard time beating that temptation. It wasn't enough to deter him from his promise to himself to never light one up again, but that didn't make the feeling go away or the twitch in his hand to stop. His fingers actually twitched as he pulled out the pack of gum. Chewing gum did not come close to replacing the joy of the first smoke of the day. He was getting tired of the taste of gum, and chewing, that he didn't bother opening the pack before tossing it into the next trash bin he walked by. Taking a sip of coffee, he continued to walk.

Five blocks later and the morning commuters were starting to overtake the sidewalks; he turned the corner and headed to the subway entrance with a group of others hurrying to get to the train. He spotted a woman walking by him and he immediately recognized her. She was tall, 5 foot 9, green eyes that contrasted with her honey toned skin, and long dark hair. Her outfit was casual, jeans and a light tan leather jacket over a low-cut black blouse.

"You live around here?" he asked, getting her attention.

She stopped and looked back. The moment she saw him, she smiled. "Detective Goren."

"Miss Gates," he said as he walked up to the CPS worker he'd met at the hospital last week and shook her hand.

She smiled and answered his previous question, "Yes. , I live around here. You?"

"Yeah, in Greenpoint," he told her as they headed toward the subway together.

"Long walk."

"I don't mind. So, are you still assigned as Colton's social worker?"

"I am, and he told me about Saturday; it was all he could talk about."

Bobby smiled as they headed down to the station. He pulled out his wallet and used his metro card for quick payment before he pushed through the turnstile. Gates was comingcame up behind him and she fell in-step with him as they headed to the platform.

"He said you're seeing him again this weekend."

"I am. It's a four day weekend for the holiday...I'll find the time."

She stopped among the other people and looked up at him. "Rory Collins came looking for him."

Bobby stared down at her as he asked, "When?"

"Over the weekend. I was expecting him to be in jail awaiting trial or sentencing, not asking where Colton was. I didn't tell him."

"Why didn't you call the police?"

She crossed her arms and stared up at him. "I did. I'm no newbie, Detective. A couple of cops showed, took my statement, and said if he shows up again to call. And that unless Rory threatens me or commits a crime, there really isn't anything they can do."

Bobby sighed and rubbed his head. That was true; it wasn't a crime to go to the CPS offices and ask questions. However, knowing that Collins was trying to find Colton twisted his gut and made his hand clench.

"I don't even know how that creep got bail anyway."

He felt the guilt heat his face as his head hung in defeat. It'd been his fault, but he wasn't going to let his mistake become a costly one. "Don't worry about it, okay? If he shows up again, call the cops but also give me a call. You still have my card?"

Gates stared up at him as the train screeched to a stop in front of them. Giving a nod, she said, "I've got it."

Once on the train, they were separated by the crowd and lack of seating. As Gates sat, he stood and offered the seat to an elderly man who held a cane in one hand and cup of coffee in the other. On his head the man wore a hat that said 'WWII Veteran' with patches and ribbons decorating it.

He kept catching Gates' eyes every so often. She pulled a paperback out of her purse at some point. He watched her read for a moment before going back to watching the other passengers. People watching had become such an innate habit that he never realized he was doing it anymore. He could size people up quicker than most, and he could always spot who the trouble-makers were. There was no one who stood out to him, so he relaxed slightly as the train powered along the track through the Brooklyn borough and into the city of Manhattan.

They both got off at Union Square and he checked his watch as he waited for her to exit. "Do you have time to have a cup of coffee with me? I want to run something by you concerning the guardian home."

Gates checked her own watch before agreeing. She walked with him up the stairs and into the main hub of the train station where they picked up a couple of coffees and grabbed a table.

* * *

_Major Case Squad_

"You've got to be kidding me. What the fuck," Logan said as he sat back from the laptop and looked at her then around the room.

He wasn't the only one to read his email first thing that morning. About every other detective around the squad said the same, some with harsher words, as they stared at their computers.

"What?" Alex asked as she looked around and then stared at Logan.

"Read your email," he told her as the Captain's office door opened.

They all turned to Deakins as he stepped out into the squad room. He held up his hands to quiet everyone but it wouldn't do them any good. He wasn't the Police Commissioner. "Calm down, everyone. I said calm down," he said louder quieting a few detectives who started to protest again. "Now, I just got the email myself and I'm not too happy about the shift changes that'll be put into effect starting next week for all NYPD detectives."

Alex really wished she had looked at her email now. "Shift changes?"

"Geez, Eames, you're the only detective in the entire NYPD who has yet to read the email," Logan teased before dropping his smile as Deakins continued.

"I don't like, but I have to enforce it. What really bothers me is that I'm stuck on days the whole time, no matter what. There will be a Lieutenant put in charge to oversee night shifts, I don't know yet who that will be but once I know, you'll know. Let's just hope this new change doesn't last long, because if you ask me, you guys got stuck with the worst schedule in the entire force. If anyone wants to talk with me about it later, or if you need to figure out daycare options you know who to talk to." Deakins left it there as he turned around and went back into his office.

Alex turned to her laptop and brought up her email account. The first one marked as priority she opened and read it. Halfway through her jaw dropped as she said, "He's nuts." She looked over at Logan. "Rotating shifts? Two night shifts, then two day shifts, then we get two days off. What kind of craziness is that? The turnover is so short between the end of the night shift at 1 a.m. and the start of the day shift at 8 a.m…"

"Seven hours," Logan said, "But it's not actually seven because of paperwork and changing out, getting dinner."

"That's more like five or less," she said, continuing where he left off. "No one who lives in Queens or further out will go home. There'll be no point."

"I'm glad I live in Manhattan," Logan said as he looked over at her. "If you and Bobby move to Rockaway, you'll never make it there before you have to turn around and come back to work. Like I said, this is bullshit. And having to rotate every two days from days to nights? I get the work four days, off two, but we work twelve hour shifts. This would probably be okay if we worked eight or nine, but twelve?"

"This is asking for trouble."

"You don't have to tell me," Logan said before explaining, "You know, back in the day, the schedule used to be rotating days and nights every week. Your body can't deal with that constant change. That's when alcoholism and suicides started getting out of control around the department. That's why they changed it to every four months we rotate, or some not at all unless you ask to be switched. This," Logan said as he shook his head. "I'm warning you now, Eames, be prepared for turbulence and a lot of it."

Alex felt an unease grow in the pit of her stomach. This wasn't good for anyone, but especially Bobby. She wondered how he was taking the news. But not only that, she didn't know if they would be on the same rotator, having the same days and nights off, or if they would be on the complete opposite schedule.

The door to Deakins office opened again and he came back out, still looking as pissed off as he'd been before. "One more thing, I'll have a posting of who starts when and what days you have off by close of business Thursday. Those starting on Monday will have the weekend off. Questions?" When no one voiced their anger, because Alex knew everyone was angry, Deakins went back inside but this time he left the door open.

"All right," Alex said as she clicked off her email. "Let's get to work."

Logan agreed as they got to it. Awhile later, he said, "I think I might have something," as he sat up straight.

Alex rubbed at her eyes as she peered over at him. "A lead?

"Possibly. I think this guy is an out-of-towner. I've got a similar case from Philly for last month. On April 9th a woman, Eva Deluci, and her husband, Cal, were murdered in their home. She had multiple stab wounds, and he was shot once in the head after being forced to watch."

"Sounds like our guy."

Logan gave a nod as he said, "They weren't the first; another in Philly a month before that with the same M.O., March 12th."

Alex picked up on the once a month trend as she opened her calendar book and flipped to the 9th of April and then the 12th of March. Their murder happened on the 14th. "Logan, he's killing them on the second Saturday of every month."

He looked over the top of the laptop at her and said, "So we've got three weeks to find him before he kills again. I like those odds."

"We've got two months unaccounted for since the new year. Anything for February or January?"

"Nothing. Looks like this guy kills twice in one city then moves on. No wonder he's hard to catch."

"If he does kill again here, then after that he'll disappear to another city or state. We can't let him get away, Logan."

"I bet every cop who found this pattern said the same. We've got a serial…" Looking over at her, he smirked as he said, "Where the hell's your boyfriend when we need him?"

Alex smirked back as she picked up her phone to call down to forensics.

"What're you doing?" he asked as he wrote something down in his notepad.

"I'm going to have our wonderful crime scene techs go over every piece of jewelry in the bedroom or found on the victims. If there's one thing I've learned about serials from Goren it's that they like rituals. One of those is taking jewelry from past victims and putting them on or near the new ones."

Logan gave a nod as he got up. "While you do that, I'm going to try and find January and February."

"Where?" she asked as Logan headed out of the squad room.

Logan stopped and turned back, saying, "If this guy came up from Philly then that means he started off the New Year further south. I'm guessing Baltimore. I've gotta go talk to someone at your boyfriend's new hangout."

Alex watched as he left, wondering who he had to talk to at SVU.

* * *

_Special Victims Unit_

Bobby did very little for most of the morning. He and Benson were next in line for a new case and while they were waiting for one to come in, they were trying to play catch up with paperwork and clearing court dates. That was where Benson had been since nine, going over her testimony for a Grand Jury hearing at eleven. It was almost noon and he figured she should be back anytime. Grand Jury hearings usually didn't last that long.

Stabler was welcomed back with a load of files to be sorted and put into the NYPD database. Elliot glared at him when he was given the stack but quickly got to work. He was glad his friend was once again wearing a badge and able to work. He was also glad that Elliot had forgiven him for not visiting him in the hospital or during the beginning part of his recovery. It wasn't his fault he had no memory of the man or what had happened. He knew now, and that was what mattered.

He was leaning back in his chair, staring at the ceiling and thinking about what he might order for lunch when Elliot walked over. "Pastrami on rye."

Bobby smirked as he shifted his eyes to his friend. "I'm actually trying to go healthier."

Elliot gave him an odd stare and then shook his head. "Whatever. I'm about to head out to grab something if you want to come."

"Yeah," he said as he stood and grabbed his suit jacket off the back of his chair. There was a rack with hangers near the doors but they were all full. There weren't too many SVU detectives running around the streets right then; it was a slow day.

Next week they would start their new rotation and everyone hated it already. He didn't think it was too bad other than not knowing what shift he and Alex would get. She could start on Monday, and he could have Monday, Tuesday off and start on Wednesday. He could start nights but she could start days.

"This new schedule really sucks," Elliot said as they exited the precinct.

He was just about to start walking when he spotted another man walking down the sidewalk. It was Logan. "Mike, what's going on?" he asked as he reached out to shake his friend's hand.

"Just on my way to see Munch, is he in?" Logan asked as he looked over at Stabler.

"Yeah, is there a problem or-"

"No problem, I need his connections with his old gang in Baltimore, I might have a lead."

Bobby patted him on the shoulder and told him, "Good luck."

They left Logan to it as they started down the street. There was no need to drive anywhere to get something to eat. There were too many places in walking distance.

"At least you're not with another detective," Bobby said as they started up talking about the new shift change. "I'm supposed to get married this weekend. Now because of this new schedule, one of us might have to work in order to let those starting on Monday, especially night shift, have the days off."

Elliot frowned as he looked over at him. "You're right. This new Commissioner can go fuck himself."

Bobby nodded as they crossed the street and headed into the diner. They ordered their drinks, two coffees, and as they waited for their food the door opened and Bobby looked over and saw three more people walk in to join them. Munch, Logan, and Benson walked over to the table and invaded the booth. Bobby got up to let Olivia slide into next to him while Munch sat beside Elliot. Logan grabbed a chair from an empty table and sat at the head of the booth.

Looking over at Olivia, Bobby asked as he sat next to her, "How'd it go?"

"Great. The Grand Jury decided that we have enough to take it to trial."

"I see how it is, Liv. I'm gone for a couple of months and suddenly you're Goren's bff," Elliot said to Olivia.

"Aw, poor, El, feeling threatened by another man," she teased.

"I'm not threatened," Elliot shot back as he looked over at him, sizing him up. "I've lived with Goren. He may look imposing, but I know how soft he really is."

"Soft?" Bobby said as he stared over at him.

Elliot smirked as he leaned back in the booth, narrowing his eyes at him. "Yeah, soft. You blow a lot of steam but deep down, you're nothing more than a teddy bear."

"Yeah," Logan said picking up on the playful banter. "Like a big sad panda bear. I think it's in the eyes," he said, causing everyone to laugh as Bobby glared at him.

Before he could say anything to Mike, the waitress returned and took their orders for drinks. It was coffee all around except for Olivia who ordered an iced tea. Once she was gone, he asked, "So you two know each other?" as he gestured from Logan to Munch.

"Sort of," Logan said. "We have mutual acquaintances. Long time ago when I worked the 2-7, I met a detective from Baltimore named Frank Pembleton. Munch was in the same department, worked with him."

"And I met Logan's old partner, Lennie Briscoe, when he came to Baltimore on a case," Munch explained. "I only met Logan when I helped out on your case a few months ago. Anyway, he needed to know if I still knew anyone who worked Baltimore Homicide."

Bobby gave a nod and asked, "Do you?"

"Yeah, Detective Lewis is still there. I gave him my blessing that it was okay for him to talk to Logan," Munch said as the waitress returned to fill up coffee cups and deliver Olivia her drink.

"So, everyone knows about the schedule changes?" Logan asked as he sipped on his coffee.

Bobby groaned, as did everyone at the table, and said angrily, "Don't get me started."

"Ought oh, now he's angry panda," Olivia said and everyone started laughing again except Bobby who only shook his head, but he was smirking.

An hour later, the four SVU detectives reentered the department and just as Bobby was about to sit at his desk Captain Cragen opened the door to his office.

"Goren and Benson, you two are needed at Manhattan General," Cragen said as he handed him a slip of paper.

He quickly glanced at the piece of paper as he grabbed his binder. They had a new case.

Once back outside, Olivia said, "It's such a nice day. I wish I could drive my car to the scene."

"What car do you have?" Bobby asked as he got into the passenger side of the SUV.

As she started the SUV up, she told him, "A Mustang."

He looked over at her and asked in surprise, "What year?"

"'65 convertible. Why?"

Bobby nearly gapped as he said, "I have a '67 convertible."

Olivia looked over at him and smiled. "Hey, I think we've just found something we have in common. Don't tell El, though, he'll get jealous."

* * *

_Lady of Lord's Catholic Church_

After work, Bobby had gone to the library for a few hours before heading across Brooklyn to Cypress Hills to pick up Frank. He was happy to see that his brother hadn't bailed on him but was waiting outside his apartment building for him to pick him up. Frank had told him he could take the train into Manhattan, but Bobby insisted on getting Frank himself. He wanted to ensure that Frank made it to the meeting.

They arrived at the church a little early so they stood outside and talked for a while. Frank had told him that he was still working with a friend of his, doing odd jobs at different construction sites around the five boroughs. The work didn't suit his brother, Frank never really liked physical labor, but as long as he wasn't gambling all his money away or getting himself involved with bookies and loan sharks then Bobby was happy for his brother. He was also glad that Frank had a friend who was helping him to not only gain employment but also worked with him. Over the years, Frank had managed to drive away a lot of his old friends. The ones he had now were mostly trouble, either gambling or drug addicts.

"What's the guy's name?" Bobby asked as several other members started to show, including Captain Cragen.

"His name's Jessup."

Bobby didn't recognize the names from the few friends of Frank's he knew. "How'd you meet him?"

Frank shrugged and said, "I don't know. He's just someone I met a while ago. Friend of a friend, you know. What's with the questions?"

Bobby saw Cragen nod at him before heading down into the church. He watched his Captain before telling Frank, "I'm just wondering this Jessup guy is also an addict. You're going to need support, and friends, who aren't."

"It's alright, he's straight," Frank told him. "He drinks, but that's it."

He stared at his brother, trying to see if the was lying to him or not. Sometimes it was hard to read Frank, especially when he was messed up. But, Frank was relatively sober and it was easy to see that he was being honest. Smiling slightly, he said, "Okay. C'mon."

They headed to the basement of the church and took their seats. He made sure Frank sat next to him; he wanted to be able to talk to him.

It wasn't until halfway through the meeting that Bobby finally got a chance to talk. He was okay with sitting back and listening to everyone else for a change. It seemed like since last week, everyone was in a better mood and happy to share. He saw a look from Carlo and thought that maybe the change of attitude was partly his doing. Either way, Bobby didn't care what the reason was, he was just glad he could help.

He rubbed at his head and neck, sat forward in his seat, and tried to think of the best way to start. There was so much going through his mind that it was hard to focus. He didn't want to just talk to the other members, but his brother as well. The more he thought about his brother, he couldn't help but think of why they were both addicts but in different ways. He couldn't put the blame entirely on their parents. He accepted his own reasons and faults the moment he decided to go to AA. He was as much to blame, if not more, for his actions as his parents.

Taking a breath, he started there. "When I uh, decided that I couldn't take it anymore…When I gave myself up to the fact that I was lost, and broken, and that I needed help just a few short months ago, I knew that the first things I had to do was take ownership of my own mistakes. I had to own who I was, not only who I was when I was drinking, but who I was when I was sober. It's what we're doing now, in these meetings and through the steps…Taking ownership, looking at ourselves in a mirror, and working towards making that person that we see who's so broken and faulty and purely human, into someone we can accept and appreciate, and make whole. At least that's the goal, right? And part of that is to look honestly at the person we are, and admitting our wrongs." He took a breath, eyed the floor as the gathered his courage, and said, "I've always had a hard time admitting that I hold onto a lot of hate. I can be bitter, resentful, and shamefully enough, spiteful. When I was young, I was told that the opposite of hate is love. As I've gotten older, I realized that hate isn't the opposite of love, its indifference. When you don't care, that's when you know that you don't love someone. I care so much sometimes that it causes me nothing but anger. Then I get so blinded by it, it manifests into hate. When I drink, it becomes personal hate, self-hatred. That lead right to self-destruction…And, God, was I doing a lot of destruction. We all were or else we wouldn't be here," he said as he looked over at his brother.

Frank was staring at the floor and he was shaking slightly; Bobby couldn't tell why but he had a feeling what it was.

"That doesn't mean that I was the only one I was hurting. It was quite the opposite, actually. Because I was so angry with myself, I would lash out at others. I'm not sure if I was trying to make them hurt just as badly as me, or if I was trying to deny my own self-hate by blaming others…or if it was a mixture of both. All I know is that I acted horrible to the people who I cared about the most: family, friends, my partner and girlfriend. No one was safe. I thought it was best to drive them away, to protect them. Not knowing that, that when I drove them away, I was only hurting myself even more."

Frank lifted his head as he glanced over at him. The pain he saw in his brother's eyes nearly did him in.

Swallowing hard, Bobby gave a nod and looked away, around the room. "I'm tired of living there, in that darkness full of hate and anger. And it's not like life isn't easy, we all know it's not. It's not all sunshine and roses, right? There're bad days. Things go wrong, cars break down, you lose your keys," he heard several chuckles but he was serious. Some people went back to drinking over the smallest of things. "Relationships end, people die…" others over the most devastating. "That doesn't give me an excuse to go back to drinking. I either have to face life and learn to deal with it in a much healthier way, or…what's the fucking point? I have to ask myself if I really want to live the rest of my life stuck in a never ending cycle of depression, misery, and drunkenness. I don't know about you, but I can't afford that. I've got too much to lose, especially now." He felt the pendant against his chest, the one Alex had given him, and reached up to rub at it through his shirt. "And every day is a new challenge to keep myself sober in order not to lose everything. I fear that more than I fear never having another drink." He sat back and took a moment to think if he had anything else to say. When he had nothing, he remained silent as he crossed his arms over his chest as several applauded their gratitude at him for sharing.

Frank was one of the ones who clapped.

Bobby wasn't surprised that Frank didn't share anything during the meeting. Frank was used to giving lip-service; talking the talk but having no real truth or sincerity in the words. Despite his brother not speaking, he was actually glad for the silence. That meant Frank wasn't just trying to cater to him or the program, but was maybe actually listening and taking it seriously for the first time in his life.

Once the meeting was over, and Bobby finished talking to several other members including Dave, he left the basement and found Frank in the back parking lot where he'd parked his car. His brother was leaning against it, head down with his hands stuffed in his pockets. Walking toward him, he asked, "Well?"

Frank glanced up at him and nodded, "It was a good meeting."

Bobby stopped in front of him and smiled. "Yeah, it was. I'm glad you came," he said as he reached out and patted Frank on the shoulder. "Hopefully you'll keep coming."

Frank nodded as he looked away; Bobby knew what that evasive gesture meant. His brother had doubts.

"With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start," Bobby said softly, catching Frank's attention. "That was the first thing I learned and took to heart in order to change. Fearless and thorough from the very get go. I knew that if I was serious about this, I had to commit myself."

"Why are you telling me this, Bobby?" Frank asked, sounding a little angry and accusing.

"It's the only way to do it and succeed if you really want to change, Frank. There has to be no bullshit, no half-ass efforts-"

Frank pushed himself off the car and cursed under his breath as he started to walk away. Bobby stopped him with a hand on his arm. He yanked the hand away but turned to face him. "What'd you want from me? I came to the meeting, listened to you explain yourself for all the times you lost it on me, and I told you that I forgive you. So what else do you want?"

Staring hard at his brother, he walked up to him and said, "You really think that's why I wanted you to come? So that I could explain myself to you in order to get an apology? I didn't do this to make me feel better about myself."

"Whatever. You're forgetting I know you too, and that's exactly why," Frank told him as he stepped up to him. "And you know what, Bobby, I don't forgive you."

Bobby nodded but he wasn't agreeing with Frank. He was nodding at his behavior. "You're scared, I get that. You're trying to push me away because I'm trying to get you to accept who you are. And you're not ready to do that just yet."

"Oh, so now you think you know what I'm thinking? I'm not scared, okay. I'm not. I know I'm an addict. I've admitted it many times over, but it doesn't do me any good. There's no point. It doesn't change the fact that nothing's going to help-"

"It will if you let it," he shot back only for Frank to turn away again. "You've given up on yourself. You have no faith-"

"Now you're going to talk to me about my faith," Frank yelled as he turned back to him. "You of all people, Bobby. You have no faith. You left the church and God behind a long time ago."

"That's different-"

"It's not different. You're just too much of a hypocrite to realize it."

Bobby almost wanted to smile at Frank. When he was sober, his brother was almost just as smart and quick-minded as he was. "You're right, I am a hypocrite. But it still doesn't change the fact that it's not the same thing. And unlike you, I don't use it as an excuse or a tool to get what I want."

"No, you have other tools to get what you want," Frank shot back.

He could've denied it, but he knew Frank was right. They were both in their own way great manipulators and they could both get what they wanted when they said the right things. It was a trait they learned from both their parents. Giving a nod, he stepped up to Frank and smiled. "I know, but I'm not the one having trouble admitting that it's wrong."

Frank looked away and he saw his jaw clench. His brother was angry, but unlike him, Frank never lashed out. He always internalized it, kept it in, and let it eat away at him. And if Frank did let it out, it was always some backhanded attempt to push him away. "What'd you care anyway? It's not like you're proud to be my brother."

Bobby felt his heart ache at hearing that come out of Frank's mouth. Since becoming an adult, he'd stopped hero worshipping Frank and in turn stopped putting up with him. He felt guilty of all the times he refused to help his brother, or gotten angry with him enough to hit him, and all the other times he'd just been downright hateful towards him.

"Are you proud to be mine?" he found himself asking as he stared at the ground, feeling slightly apprehensive at the answer Frank would give him.

Looking over at him, Frank was quiet for a moment before nodding, telling him, "Of course I'm proud of you, Bobby. Look at you."

Bobby wanted to smile but couldn't because he realized he'd been treating his brother so unfairly over the last twenty years of their lives. He found he couldn't be angry with Frank anymore, or bitter, or spiteful. "I'm proud of you too."

Frank shook his head and looked away again. He couldn't accept those words and Bobby didn't blame him. He used to have a hard time accepting compliments as well.

"I mean it, Frank. The fact that you even regard me as your brother at all makes me proud of you."

Frank turned toward him and he could see the confusion in his brother's eyes. "What? Why wouldn't I?"

Bobby stepped a little closer as he told him, "Because I know. I know about my, uh…my paternity."

Frank looked shocked as he quickly asked, "How?"

"It doesn't matter how. I know. Why didn't you ever tell me?" Bobby had his suspicions, but he wanted to hear Frank explain himself.

Frank shifted around a little, reminding him of how he acted when he was nervous about saying something. All of Frank's pretenses were gone, he was no longer trying to push him away or get angry with him. He was being absolutely truthful when he looked up at him and told him, "I didn't want to lose you. When I found out, I was only a kid and I thought since we didn't have the same dad, then that meant you weren't my brother anymore. I was afraid that Uncle Mark was going to take you away."

Bobby narrowed his eyes in confusion as he heard the name "Uncle Mark". Shaking his head, he asked, "Who's Uncle Mark?"

"You said you knew," Frank said in confusion. "He's your father."

"I didn't know his name," he told him.

"Oh," Frank said before adding, "I don't know his last name. And I know that he wasn't really our uncle, but that was what we called him. You don't remember? He used to bring you signed baseballs and hockey pucks."

Bobby tried to think back to when he was a kid but his memory was still bad. "I don't remember. How old was I?"

Frank shrugged, saying, "I think…maybe four the last time. I was seven."

He couldn't believe it. His father hung around after he was conceived? So, that meant his mother was still seeing the man even after the affair? Bobby remembered all too well the indifference William Goren showed toward him; how he treated him differently than Frank. It wasn't an excuse for the behavior, he was still his mother's son and Frank's brother, but to know that his biological father was showing up in his life up until he was four helped to explain it to him. He didn't know why, but in a way, knowing he wasn't William's son made his ability to forgive the man a whole lot easier.

Staring over at Frank, he told him, "You would've never lost me as your brother, Frank."

His brother nodded and he could see gratitude in his blue eyes. Frank really was afraid that if he found out they had different fathers, that he would have disowned him.

"I don't want you to stay away from me any longer, okay. I know why you do it, but I'm not embarrassed by you and I already told Alex that if you want to be in my life, and if you want to be an uncle, that I would let you."

Frank took a big breath and closed his eyes. He was quiet for a long moment and Bobby was uncertain as to why he suddenly seemed unsure, and maybe even a little scared. Then, he gave a nod and told him, "Then I should tell you something."

Bobby didn't know what his brother had to tell him, but he knew it couldn't be good from the way he said that.

He took another big breath then pulled out his wallet. Frank opened it and dug through a pocket and pulled out a small photograph and handed it to him. Bobby looked at the picture of a teenage boy and had to step back a little. The eyes reminded him of their mother, his nose of Frank, and the hair…definitely of him.

"He's your nephew."

Bobby gave a nod and asked, "What's his name?"

"Donny. Donny Carlson. He's seventeen and lives with his mother."

Bobby handed the picture back to Frank and asked, "How come you're just now telling me this?"

Frank took the picture and put it back in his wallet. "I didn't plan him, and when I found out me and his mother were already broken up. I was getting real bad into drugs and I knew that I would ruin his life. You were in the Army and weren't talking to me…I just thought there was no point in letting anyone know."

"Mom has wanted a grandchild for years, Frank. Knowing she has a grandson…" he looked at him and shook his head. "You should tell her."

"And tell her how I've failed as a father? Tell her that the reason I'm not in my son's life and why they've never met is because I'm a drug addict? I don't…I can't do that to her, Bobby."

He heard the sorrow and the plea in Frank's voice. Frank never liked telling their mother the truth; he never wanted to disappoint her and make her not consider him to be her favorite. Bobby couldn't really be too angry with Frank over not telling her because he had just told their mother the day before that he was in a relationship and about to get married after two years of keeping it from her. So he completely understood Frank's decision. It wasn't the right decision, but he understood it.

"Can I meet him?" Bobby asked. "You obviously talk to him since you have his picture."

Frank nodded. "Yeah, I talk to him on his birthday and holidays. I haven't seen him in a few years though."

"Well, when you do see him again, I'd like to meet him. Or, maybe we can go visit him sometime."

Frank nodded and looked apprehensive before telling him, "There's something else you should know. He's bipolar. He's on meds for it, but he gets out of control sometimes and doesn't make the best decisions. He's a kid, you know, and he gets into trouble. Nothing major, just mistakes."

Bobby swallowed hard and nodded.

That was one of his biggest fears for his own child to develop a mental illness. To know that Frank's son was bipolar suddenly made him fear the same would happen to his child. Genes were like that; they would skip generations. Instead of affecting him or Frank, it would affect their children. Just the thought made him angry and very much afraid. This was one of the reasons why he never wanted to have kids. It was too late now, and all he could do was hope for the best. And if his child did develop a mental disorder, all he could do was take care of them and love them the best he could.

* * *

_Bobby & Alex's Apartment_

He finally returned home after dropping Frank off at his apartment building. They had gotten something to eat on the way and talked some more, and Frank even promised to be ready at the same time next week for another meeting. As he walked into the kitchen, he was greeted by a soft meow from Hugo Gustav as he ran into the room and purred around his leg.

Picking the kitchen up, he petted him as he headed toward the bedroom. He wanted to shower and change into something more comfortable, and if Alex was in the mood, make love to her before going to bed. Getting to the bedroom, he saw her sitting up in bed watching the TV that was across the room on the dresser. He tossed Hugo on the bed before kicking off his shoes and pulling his jacket off. His tie was already in the pocket, having taken it off after work. Stripping down to his boxers, he went over to the dresser and pulled out a clean pair of boxers and then went into the bathroom.

Once showered and cleanly shaven he returned to the bedroom. Alex was still watching the same movie as he walked around to his side of the bed and climbed in. Resting his head in her lap, he asked, "What movie are you watching?"

"_Pirates of the Caribbean_," she told him.

He looked toward the TV and saw a ship full of pirates suddenly turn into skeletons and asked, "Is it any good?"

"Why don't you watch it and find out?"

Bobby rolled onto his back, feeling the chain around his neck slide around from the movement, and stared up at her. Since the night Alex had given the chain to him, he hasn't taken it off, not even when he showers. It was like a wedding ring to him, it meant that much. As he watched her, he felt her hand in his hair and then on his chest. She playfully, and absent mindedly, caressed her hand over his chest and played with his hair. He enjoyed that a lot. It felt nice.

He had planned on talking to her about her sudden attitude toward him, but was too tired to bring it up. He didn't expect to get home so late and to be so tired. Sighing, he turned toward her and hummed into her stomach as her hands continued to soothe him. He had also wanted to make love to her before going to sleep, but now he just felt tired and drained. And sometimes it was nice to just be with Alex. He started kissing over her clothed stomach before lifting the bottom of the tank-top up to kiss over her skin.

Alex's breath hitched at the sensation before she hummed in content. "Bobby, I'm not in the mood."

"Neither am I," he told her as he lightly kissed her. "But, I still like kissing you." She chuckled and he looked up at her as he gave her stomach one last kiss before rolling back onto his back. "How was your day?"

"Long," she told him, "but productive. Yours?"

"I got a new case and an old one's going to trial on Benson's Grand Jury testimony," he told her before muffling a yawn. "Did you eat dinner?"

"I managed," she told him and left it at that.

Bobby closed his eyes and relaxed as he waited for the movie to be over. It wasn't long before Alex was turning the TV off and started to shift on the bed. He let her up as he moved to lay long ways on the bed and buried his head in the pillow. He heard her messing around in the bathroom before coming back to bed. Wrapping his arm around her, he pulled her to him and kissed her a couple of times on the lips before breathing out all the tension that'd built up inside him during the day. He was home now, with Alex in his arms, and he felt completely happy and content enough to sleep.

Alex shifted next to him, facing him, and said, "You're not worried?"

"About what?" he mumbled into the pillow.

"This new schedule," she explained. "This weekend we might not be able to get married."

Bobby opened his eyes to look at her. He couldn't tell if she sounded upset with that or glad, and that worried him. "And we will, unless you don't want to."

"I want to," she told him.

He shrugged a little and said, "Then it'll happen. It may not be the way we've planned, but come next week we'll be married. I can wait to have the formal ceremony and everything if it comes down to it. If we have to, I don't mind going to the courts and getting it done."

Alex was quiet for a moment but then she said, "Yeah, me too. My parents won't like it, but they'll understand. How about your mom?"

He sighed and said, "She'll be okay." He leaned forward and kissed her again before closing his eyes.

Holding her against him, he drifted off to sleep.

TBC...


End file.
